digdug75 Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Why is it worth getting into a relationship? Influences of today's society pile against a successful relationship. What purpose does a relationship serve in todays world? What is a successful relationship? What is the goal and desired outcome when the majority get into a relationship? Things that destroy relationships. War has a snowball effect that gradually takes it toll on future generations ability to have a successful relationship. Alcohol, and drugs destroy relationships. You have porn that preys on the hormones of men, and the women's version of porn magazines such as cosmopolitan, and chick flicks. These things which influence behavior, standards, and expectations. Wait there is more! Birth control pills, public schools, television, feminism, chauvinistic men, and money. Not to mention, lying, cheating, manipulating, lust vs. love, and the outbreak of mental illness. Do I dare say even processed, and fast food. It seems to me society of today has extremely high odds against a healthy, successful relationship. I see no value placed on holding onto virginity. Men's role in society or relationships is unknown for the most part or nonexistent! Seems to me according to snowball theory things will just get worse until snowball burst and society has to rebuild itself. Only the small minority of people will win at a healthy happy relationship. Seems hopeless and self defeating!
casey.lives Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 ...and when you do have a great relationship.. there's ENVY and TOO MUCH FAMILIARITY and SABOTAGE. I think people need to feel permanently connected to someone throughout their life
No Limit Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 And the hours spent supporting buddies who run from one toxic relationship into the next... *sigh 1
Author digdug75 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 ...and when you do have a great relationship.. there's ENVY and TOO MUCH FAMILIARITY and SABOTAGE. I think people need to feel permanently connected to someone throughout their life Yes i agree people do need to feel permanently connected to someone throughout their life. Which makes me wonder what goal do most people have when engaging a romantic relationship. It seems to me that most these relationships with thoughts of it being temporary, waiting for a better person to come along, or just a fling. No real commitment, loyalty, attempts to work out differences, or acceptance. It seem to go towards there are many fish in the see i will find another. 1
Author digdug75 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 And the hours spent supporting buddies who run from one toxic relationship into the next... *sigh Ya why do they do this? It like the description of insanity. "insanity is when you try the same thing over and over again expecting different results". I find partial truth in that. Why is it so hard to help a friend understand in order to get into a better relationship first that friend has to change outlook.
No Limit Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Ya why do they do this? It like the description of insanity. "insanity is when you try the same thing over and over again expecting different results". I find partial truth in that. Why is it so hard to help a friend understand in order to get into a better relationship first that friend has to change outlook. I tried once and that friend ceased contact for almost a year until a few weeks ago (I had expressed my concern about the relationship's sincerity since that guy had a GF and she willingly helped him cheat because 'he only loved her, really!' ). As of now her BF is constantly accusing her of cheating (translation: he's cheated; not very hard since they're long distance, seperated by almost 400 miles) so she's telling me over and over how annoyed she is by his behavior now. But her entire life is a mess. Both family and private life, and she seems resistant towards improvement so yeah. You just watch them drown.
Author digdug75 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I tried once and that friend ceased contact for almost a year until a few weeks ago (I had expressed my concern about the relationship's sincerity since that guy had a GF and she willingly helped him cheat because 'he only loved her, really!' ). As of now her BF is constantly accusing her of cheating (translation: he's cheated; not very hard since they're long distance, seperated by almost 400 miles) so she's telling me over and over how annoyed she is by his behavior now. But her entire life is a mess. Both family and private life, and she seems resistant towards improvement so yeah. You just watch them drown. Ya it seems you just have to watch them fail, as it is sometimes the only way they can understand or learn. It is hard to see people you care about hurt. Even after all the support, warnings, and the advice you have given. 1
mercuryshadow Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 What I find tragic is that adults in "serious" relationships, including engagements or marriages, behave more like teenagers in regard to them. Nowadays the term "serious" is almost something to be scoffed at. I don't understand this phenomenon; the idea that partners are so easily replaceable is troubling. I've observed many marriages that haven't even made it past their first anniversary...and engagements that were seemingly broken over night. And furthermore, at least in many of the cases, I've observed people moving on really quickly, latching onto a new "serious" partner in weeks or even days. I wonder if people have no shame anymore, or if this is the new normal? Just to be clear, I don't go looking for details on people's relationships, they parade details all over social media! My son's father (who is years older than me) recently ousted his 4th fiance. They'd been together around three years. This, coupled with my observance of such behavior in relationships being the increasing trend, I decided to try and talk to my son about relationships, and what commitment means; not only in regard to the romantic kind, but also for friendships. I think he understood, but I'm still fearful. I don't know what is to blame, but I suspect that technology has something to do with it. I'm not anti-tech at all, but I recently completed a research paper for school on the correlation between social media and negative relationship outcomes. I believe it is a concerning trend that should be more closely examined. 3
Davey L Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 A priest said to me it is like everything else in this throwaway society. If you are fed up with your old phone, chuck it out and get another. Likewise with wife or husband. Don't fix things, just throw it out and get a new one. 4
Author digdug75 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I don't think there is any one thing that can be blamed. Just about everything contributes to a false sense of a true relationship. Where did it begin is my question. In my opinion alcohol and war is the start of the snowball affect. It is those 2 things that has caused the results we see today in relationships. My other question I ask myself is what are the solutions. For this question I don't really know. It seems everything is spinning so out of control. That ultimately what needs to happen is a collapse of society. How does one or a few change the excepted norm of society? For instance birth control is the accepted norm. It is praised and accepted to be necessary. Is it necessary though? I only know of 3 reasons for taking birth control pill. The first which is the most popular reason is to keep from getting pregnant. The other 2 are cramps, and to regulate heavy bleeding. Studies have shown that birth control pills effect a women's attraction to men. This subject brings up a whole slew of questions for me. If there were no birth control would more women/girls be more stern in not having sex? would more serious thought be put into, do I really want to have sex with possibly having a baby and having this guy be involved with my life for the rest of my life? Would there be an increase of abortions? would there be a decrease in the idea of, 1st there needs to be sexual compatibility for relationship to work? Would virginity have more respect? I mean fact is in a perfect world if everybody waited until they were in a committed long term romantic relationship to have sex. There would be no STD's. No sexual expectations! There would be no way to say he or she is not good in bed? Then we have Hollywood, public schools, men/women magazines, porn, escorts/prostitutes. Then on the emotional side which to provide a good sense of a healthy relationship we have, single parenting and uneducated parenting, mental health, morals or the lack thereof, and food.
BlueIris Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) never mind. Looked it up. Edited April 22, 2015 by BlueIris
Robert Z Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Only the small minority of people will win at a healthy happy relationship. Seems hopeless and self defeating! Marrying for love and even the concept of making happiness a priority are fairly new concepts. In the past you were expected to pay your church money, work yourself to death so your kids can do the same, and die young. I don't think marriage has ever made most people happy. I think most people just went along and "did their duty" as defined by a bunch of nuts in robes and according to archaic standards and expectation.
Syberia Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I don't think marriage has ever made most people happy. I think most people just went along and "did their duty" as defined by a bunch of nuts in robes and according to archaic standards and expectation. A marriage is just a ceremony and a piece of paper that makes things so much more difficult if they don't work out. The act of marriage should not be what makes someone happy, but rather the person they are being married to. That said, reading this thread, particularly the OP, reminds me very much of a song "A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink Sees a girl that catches his eye Asks her if she wants another They fall for each other and end up lovers They laugh, cry, hold on tight, make it work for a little while Then one night her taillights fade out into the dark And a guy walks into a bar" I consder myself very lucky not to be stuck in that loop.
Author digdug75 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 never mind. Looked it up. If this comment was meant for me. Look what up?
Author digdug75 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Originally Posted by digdug75 Only the small minority of people will win at a healthy happy relationship. Seems hopeless and self defeating! Marrying for love and even the concept of making happiness a priority are fairly new concepts. How did you come to this conclusion? How did you get marriage out of the words you chose to quote me with? In the past you were expected to pay your church money, work yourself to death so your kids can do the same, and die young. Ok so now your expected to pay the government money, work yourself to death, so if you do have kids they can do the same, and if you don't have kids then....? Dying at an older age. So what is your point. Is it today people have feelings, emotions, and in the past that wasn't the case. Are you saying people in the past were forced into marriage and they didn't have a choice in the past? I don't think marriage has ever made most people happy. How did you come to this conclusion? Marriage is the reaction to happiness, as far as I have learned from people I have met who are married. The act of marriage as far a I understand things, is a ceremonial commitment. Today that commitment can be a reason to receive taxes benefits and visitation rights, or it can be for sacred religious purposes. I think most people just went along and "did their duty" as defined by a bunch of nuts in robes and according to archaic standards and expectation. You have come to the understanding of those people's intentions how? What archaic standards and expectations? Hey look if you have a beef with marriage its fine with me. I just don't know where you are coming from. If you feel there is no point to marriage I am cool with that also. Just trying to figure out how you have come to gain such an opinion.
blackcat777 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 There is so much negativity out there... but at the end of the day, there's no point in dwelling on it. When you are happy, you meet someone who is happy, and you are happy together... those moments of joy are what make it all worth it. And because there is so much crap in the world, never forget how precious the moments of good are. Be grateful for a good partner, when you find one. Appreciate them every day. Show your love. Don't hold grudges. Learn to communicate. If you are a good person, it means that good people are still out there--you're living proof. Chin up. Life hurts sometimes. It's also incredibly beautiful sometimes. Those are the moments that keep me going. 2
Recommended Posts