kissmybooty Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 I have noticed that time and again, I am projecting based on my recent bad experience to the new people that I date. I have mentioned how I had a bad experience, when this guy was engaged while pursuing me. He told me he got confused when he met me. Whether that was bull*** or not, its affecting my current dating situation. For example, I scan my thoughts and notice myself thinking that the man is out with his other girlfriend that I don't know about. huh. When I find out the truth, its usually he is busy with his life and work. What embarassed me the most was that he was actually MIA because his mom was severely ill and in the hospital, so he was taking care of her. This is when my thoughts actually started bothering me, because now they are just evil and harmful. Or when I see he added a girl on facebook, I find myself freaking out and stalking the **** out of that girl to see what wrong could be going on. When there is nothing really. Oh my God, it's driving me crazy to the point of obsession sometimes. Ofcourse , thankfully I haven't confronted him about any of these, but just found out that paranoia has been getting the best of me when we met and talked again this weekend. I moved close to his city about 2 hours away so things are not long distance anymore and we can drive up and down every weekend. How do I deal with this? I want to slap that idiot who did this for me, so hard.
Gary S Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 You have trust issues, understandably so. It may go away in a reasonable time, or it might not.... may I ask how long ago you dated the cheater? Counseling is a good option, they can help you deal with it. 2
preraph Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Spend enough time thinking about all the signs and red flags you missed on prior relationships, and then ask yourself why you ignored those signs. As women, we are often too willing to overlook things and not question them. We think that if they are messing around, once we get them to love us, that will change them. The truth is if we don't call them on bad behavior (and walk out when it's really bad) they simply learn they can get away with more and more. So acknowledge that you either ignored or didn't put in enough time prior to getting really involved with the last guy to find out what was going on with him. Don't assume the next guy is the same way, but do keep in mind the signs that you overlooked then and do watch for those signs and if you see them, call them on it right away. But don't jump to conclusions too fast. Give the truth time to reveal itself. And always look for the positive behavior that is a strong and good sign that you are loved: The man wants to make you happy. He wants to make you feel safe and secure (and that means not giving you reason to doubt him or suspect infidelity). He wants to protect you from unhappiness and from physical harm and in rescue you in little emergencies like a flat tire or a broken window. And eventually, he wants to help provide for you as well. If there is an absence of this, the man is not all that invested in you in any long-term and genuine way. 2
Satu Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 It can take quite a while to get over bad experiences, but the first step in getting over them is realising how those experiences have affected you. You've taken that first step, and that's very good. I think you'd benefit from some short-term, single-issue counselling, to address how those past experiences are causing you difficulties in the present. Give it some thought. 1
Author kissmybooty Posted April 19, 2015 Author Posted April 19, 2015 (edited) Spend enough time thinking about all the signs and red flags you missed on prior relationships, and then ask yourself why you ignored those signs. As women, we are often too willing to overlook things and not question them. We think that if they are messing around, once we get them to love us, that will change them. The truth is if we don't call them on bad behavior (and walk out when it's really bad) they simply learn they can get away with more and more. So acknowledge that you either ignored or didn't put in enough time prior to getting really involved with the last guy to find out what was going on with him. Don't assume the next guy is the same way, but do keep in mind the signs that you overlooked then and do watch for those signs and if you see them, call them on it right away. But don't jump to conclusions too fast. Give the truth time to reveal itself. And always look for the positive behavior that is a strong and good sign that you are loved: The man wants to make you happy. He wants to make you feel safe and secure (and that means not giving you reason to doubt him or suspect infidelity). He wants to protect you from unhappiness and from physical harm and in rescue you in little emergencies like a flat tire or a broken window. And eventually, he wants to help provide for you as well. If there is an absence of this, the man is not all that invested in you in any long-term and genuine way. That is such a beautiful post Thankyou so much @preraph... I do have some mind analyzing to go through.. @gary That guy and me dated a very short time, around a month. I do see a lot of mistakes on my part and how I got carried away without reasoning like preraph pointed out. I mean just because he was a church going nice guy I beleived everything that came outta his mouth. Thanks @satu some spiritual understanding has been taking way these days. I just had to write it here to bring it to my concious awareness that I really need to deal with this. Usually I ignore my negative thoughts and not make much of them, but when they are so sick to this intensity, they definitely need addressing.. Edited April 19, 2015 by kissmybooty
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