Bleepx6 Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Hello Loveshack, My ex and I of 8 months (who's counting anyway) met in the summer through mutual friends. We both took the same program. However, I failed a semester and tried again another semester and my grades were not enough to continue. Nonetheless, at that end of the semester my boyfriend and I started having mini fights that escalated to bigger ones, which ultimately resulted in me running away whenever I felt panic and resort to saying stuff like: We are done, I can't do this anymore... And storm off. However, I never for once second meant any of those words. It's just that whenever I ask for space, he doesn't give it to me because he wants to fix the issue right there and then and felt it was his duty to be there through it all. After minutes of cooling off-- I would apologize and rekindle. I never was like this-- get angry for the smallest things and I hate myself for this. I feel stupid for even acting this way. However, a few weeks ago I was diagnosed with severe depression and this past week I have been going into counselling and therapy. I transferred schools and we were both attending different schools but the distance wasn't so bad (1 hour train ride). From that moment, I felt that he didn't really take the time to hang out and would wait for me to make the plans, etc. I made almost all the efforts to visit him because I blamed myself for failing and so I deserve being the one constantly asking him to hang out or make date plans to connect. Nonetheless, after we took our break (lasted for a few days) he contacted me to call him to have "the talk". A few days ago I gave him exam pep talks because of his tweets that he's about to cry failing his exams, etc., which he felt like he really did fail those exams and if he does-- cannot continue taking advanced courses for university. During our phone conversation, reality hit me. I listened to him vent and tell me the mistakes I've done, such as running away, abandoning him, little fights that turn into big fights, making date plans like homework he had to follow, and how we are two people that are completely incompatible. He told me he can't do this anymore. However, later asked me to see him at a fast food restaurant to talk even more. Yup, I'm stupid because I went to see him. At the fast food restaurant, I couldn't take it. He kept telling me he's madly in love but he can't be with someone who he hurt to the fullest. Our last argument, there was no physical abuse but verbal and mental abuse-- treated me the way my abusive dad does. I told him I forgave him, and I am willing to go through this journey with him since he can't get over how he treated me similar to my dad. His flaw is that when I get upset/mad easily at the little things, if he can't solve it right then and there.... He gets even angrier, which reminds me of how my dad (abusive father) gets mad at my mom. Frankly, my boyfriend is frightening when he gets mad or it's just me that is afraid of seeing someone angry at me.... We tried making changes and compromises that I need space when I'm angry but last night, he said this is who we are and cannot fix it. I felt like going to him for the last time at the restaurant, as I always do making the effort to see him as much as I can-- I degraded myself. There was an issue that he said I slowly changed him because he had a close female friend who he was close to but slowly avoided her for me. I did not have any idea about this because quite frankly I thought they still hung out. However, I did express my concerns that I'm jealous of her because I don't know this girl very well. But when I was able to hang out with her, she treated me well and I treated well and enjoyed our time. I told him I want to make this work, been going to counselling and therapy but I can't be with someone if they don't want to be in a relationship with me. I didn't want to force him. We had our last make out session (great I know /:) and ultimately, he didn't have plans for us or the courage to take another risk. Anyway, I'm just venting here. It was technically over a week ago (break) so I'm no longer crying every day, etc. I just feel empty, angry and well a bit relieved. I'm currently doing NC so that's a positive thing. But I want to tell him so badly that how was I supposed to know you were avoiding your best friend when you bottled it inside thinking I'll get angry over it? As well as that people change-- and so he assumes I'll stay the same. Also what happens in the future-- he knows for a fact, we are just going to break up. And I completely understand. Oh well that's all.
dave_1966 Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Your ex fails to realise that women run on emotion, and guys run on logic. That's why he tries to solve your problems for you. Find someone more compatible and experienced with women.
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