I probably shouldn't waste my time...he's not as interested as he says.

[Jiylien]

So I made a thread a week or so ago about a guy I met and was seeing very briefly. Long story short we had an intense few days. Sex happened. I liked him. A LOT. Then he told me he wasn't over his ex and stopped talking to me. I was really disheartened by it. It affected me more than it really should have.

 

Fast forward to this past Friday. He's back on OkCupid and he messages me. I'm confused/somewhat excited. We talk. He tells me he figured out his ex wants nothing to do with him and he's turned a page in his life and he's open to new things...kind of vague. I stupidly ask him is there any chance he still wants to see me at any point in the future. He says absolutely. Starts showering me with compliments. Yadda this, yadda that.

 

I'm feeling bothered that he's back on OkCupid. So I ask him why. I express to him that I was confused that he was back on there when I remember him telling me that I was perfect for him and if he didn't have feelings for his ex that he would be with me. I told him I didn't think he was that interested in me. He claims he is. Claims he wouldn't have took me out to begin with and continued seeing me if he wasn't interested.

Then I say I guess I just want to figure out his intentions. We end up agreeing that we're both interested in getting to know each other without the physical aspect of sex complicating things. (He SAYS he agrees, I'm not so sure...) I want to take things much more slowly. I flat out told him I'm no longer interested in sex, with anyone, until I'm committed. He SEEMED to agree.

 

But then he drops the "so, friends for now?" comment. He sees us as friends...that may or may not develop into something more. Hmm. Kind of bothered me a bit. But not illogical I guess.

 

Then I ask a fairly dreaded question "Are you going to be seeing other people?" And he says...yes. Yes he will be. While we're just "friends" trying to get to know each other he plans on seeing other people.

 

The reason THIS bothers me is because I already started having feelings for him. And now not only has he defined us as friends but he's told me he's planning on seeing others, hence why he's on OkCupid. So this leads me to believe he is NOT that interested in me. I know that if he ends up meeting and liking someone else, he's going to go for her and leave me in the dust. I would rather not put myself through that kind of thing. For anyone.

 

Basically I feel like he got something from me (sex) early on and now he doesn't see anything else interesting in me (despite his Casanova-esque compliments saying I'm beautiful, smart, caring, perfect, etc.) and now that I've expressly told him I am not going to have sex without commitment, he's no longer interested.

 

To say I'm disappointed is an understatement. But at least I'm becoming a wiser person.

 

Oh! And another red flag. Friday when he started talking to me again, we were texting and he started being really sexual with me, even going so far as to send me an inappropriate picture. I seriously think he considered me to be an easy lay because I gave it up to him already and now that he knows I won't be sleeping with him casually anymore, he's no longer interested. (Despite what he says)

 

What do you all think?

[Jiylien]

Apparently I write novels as first posts. Thank you to anyone that actually read all that!!

[Gary S]

Sweetie, this guy is obliviously on the rebound, and not ready to love another yet. If you continue to chase this man, all you will find there is more rejection and pain. You have to move on, talk to other guys.

[Jiylien]

Sweetie, this guy is obliviously on the rebound, and not ready to love another yet. If you continue to chase this man, all you will find there is more rejection and pain. You have to move on, talk to other guys.

 

You may be right. I have a feeling he doesn't know what he really wants. I really should not pursue him because there were things he said and did over the short time I was with him that just really spoke of someone insincere.

 

I just wish my brain would STOP thinking about him.

[Gary S]

Time is the great healer. Get involved with work and play to take your mind off it. Also, date other guys even though you don't feel like it, it's good therapy. Nothing can take your mind off the old flame like a new man can.

[Jiylien]

Time is the great healer. Get involved with work and play to take your mind off it. Also, date other guys even though you don't feel like it, it's good therapy. Nothing can take your mind off the old flame like a new man can.

 

Yes, time does heal. And it has for me. I just hate that this guy came back into my life and I sense he's so full of BS. Especially now that I've told him no commitment = no sex. I don't think he's a bad guy by any means but I definitely don't think he has a clue what he wants. Which is why he wants to see other people. I just can't take how jealous that would make me so I just don't want to get involved with him in any way, even as friends.

 

I actually do have another person in my mind that I may begin seeing and he seems to be a far better guy than this one (so far) so I have that to look forward to.

 

What sucks is I'm guarded now. I'm cautious of other people's intentions. I don't want to end up getting hurt or disappointed again. Though, logically, that is always a possibility.

[katiegrl]

So I made a thread a week or so ago about a guy I met and was seeing very briefly. Long story short we had an intense few days. Sex happened. I liked him. A LOT. Then he told me he wasn't over his ex and stopped talking to me. I was really disheartened by it. It affected me more than it really should have.

 

Fast forward to this past Friday. He's back on OkCupid and he messages me. I'm confused/somewhat excited. We talk. He tells me he figured out his ex wants nothing to do with him and he's turned a page in his life and he's open to new things...kind of vague. I stupidly ask him is there any chance he still wants to see me at any point in the future. He says absolutely. Starts showering me with compliments. Yadda this, yadda that.

 

I'm feeling bothered that he's back on OkCupid. So I ask him why. I express to him that I was confused that he was back on there when I remember him telling me that I was perfect for him and if he didn't have feelings for his ex that he would be with me. I told him I didn't think he was that interested in me. He claims he is. Claims he wouldn't have took me out to begin with and continued seeing me if he wasn't interested.

Then I say I guess I just want to figure out his intentions. We end up agreeing that we're both interested in getting to know each other without the physical aspect of sex complicating things. (He SAYS he agrees, I'm not so sure...) I want to take things much more slowly. I flat out told him I'm no longer interested in sex, with anyone, until I'm committed. He SEEMED to agree.

 

But then he drops the "so, friends for now?" comment. He sees us as friends...that may or may not develop into something more. Hmm. Kind of bothered me a bit. But not illogical I guess.

 

Then I ask a fairly dreaded question "Are you going to be seeing other people?" And he says...yes. Yes he will be. While we're just "friends" trying to get to know each other he plans on seeing other people.

 

The reason THIS bothers me is because I already started having feelings for him. And now not only has he defined us as friends but he's told me he's planning on seeing others, hence why he's on OkCupid. So this leads me to believe he is NOT that interested in me. I know that if he ends up meeting and liking someone else, he's going to go for her and leave me in the dust. I would rather not put myself through that kind of thing. For anyone.

 

***Basically I feel like he got something from me (sex) early on and now he doesn't see anything else interesting in me (despite his Casanova-esque compliments saying I'm beautiful, smart, caring, perfect, etc.) and now that I've expressly told him I am not going to have sex without commitment, he's no longer interested.***

 

To say I'm disappointed is an understatement. But at least I'm becoming a wiser person.

 

Oh! And another red flag. Friday when he started talking to me again, we were texting and he started being really sexual with me, even going so far as to send me an inappropriate picture. I seriously think he considered me to be an easy lay because I gave it up to him already and now that he knows I won't be sleeping with him casually anymore, he's no longer interested. (Despite what he says)

 

What do you all think?

 

Jiyluen, re the paragraph in asterix above (I cannot bold from my tablet)...I 100% agree with your assessment.

 

You are a smart girl....right on!

 

Block and delete....Next!

[Jiylien]

Jiyluen, re the paragraph in asterix above (I cannot bold from my tablet)...I 100% agree with your assessment.

 

You are a smart girl....right on!

 

Block and delete....Next!

 

Thanks, I think I'm becoming more aware of the games people play and it's been eye opening.

 

The more I think about that the more I'm believing it to be true. The thing that sucks about it is how disappointed I am. Oh well. In time I'll get over it.

 

I just have a feeling he may keep contacting me. Having to go ahead and tell him I suspect what he's up to and I'm not having any of it is going to be...interesting. But necessary.

[katiegrl]

Thanks, I think I'm becoming more aware of the games people play and it's been eye opening.

 

The more I think about that the more I'm believing it to be true. The thing that sucks about it is how disappointed I am. Oh well. In time I'll get over it.

 

I just have a feeling he may keep contacting me. Having to go ahead and tell him I suspect what he's up to and I'm not having any of it is going to be...interesting. But necessary.

 

Please don't tell him that.... he will only deny it and proceed to bombard you with flowerly compliments that mean nothing, so why bother.

 

Just block and delete. Move on.

 

Unless you enjoy drama and want to keep this fiasco going for fun. Is that what you want?

[Jiylien]

Please don't tell him that.... he will only deny it and proceed to bombard you with flowerly compliments that mean nothing, so why bother.

 

Just block and delete. Move on.

 

Unless you enjoy drama and want to keep this fiasco going for fun. Is that what you want?

 

You're probably right. And no I do not want to keep it going. But I keep thinking about him. It's driving me insane. It really, really is. I have no idea why it is so difficult for me to see him for what he is. Part of me wants to think he's better than that but I can't allow myself to think that way. Everything points to my suspicions.

 

And I would honestly feel bad just flat out ignoring him. Like I would want to tell him why I don't want to continue talking to or seeing him. Mostly because I'm just courteous like that.

[katiegrl]

You're probably right. And no I do not want to keep it going. But I keep thinking about him. It's driving me insane. It really, really is. I have no idea why it is so difficult for me to see him for what he is. Part of me wants to think he's better than that but I can't allow myself to think that way. Everything points to my suspicions.

 

And I would honestly feel bad just flat out ignoring him. Like I would want to tell him why I don't want to continue talking to or seeing him. Mostly because I'm just courteous like that.

 

Well you really don't owe him an explanation, if that's what you're thinking.

 

You are not even dating him. He does not want to date you, he already told you that, remember? He told you he wants to be "friends". While he dates "other" women.

 

So what's to feel bad/guilty about? He is the one who already rejected you!

 

It sounds like you are idealizing him, assigning qualities to him that just aren't there. Not from what I can see.

 

You are also projecting your feelings on to him. He does not feel the same, otherwise he "would" want to date you, sex or no sex.

 

Frankly, from what you have told us, with all his flowery fake compliments, etc., he sounds like a player.

 

Stay away from him, you deserve better.

 

Just block and delete and DON'T feel bad or guilty about it.

 

I am sure HE doesn't feel bad for essentially rejecting you, so why should you feel bad for just walking away?

 

Not getting your rationale there. Take care of YOU!

Edited April 19, 2015 by katiegrl

[Jiylien]

Well you really don't owe him an explanation, if that's what you're thinking.

 

You are not even dating him. He does not want to date you, he already told you that, remember? He told you he wants to be "friends". While he dates "other" women.

 

So what's to feel bad/guilty about? He is the one who already rejected you!

 

It sounds like you are idealizing him, assigning qualities to him that just aren't there. Not from what I can see.

 

You are also projecting your feelings on to him. He does not feel the same, otherwise he "would" want to date you, sex or no sex.

 

Frankly, from what you have told us, with all his flowery fake compliments, etc., he sounds like a player.

 

Stay away from him, yipou deserve better.

 

Just block and delete and DON'T feel bad or guilty about it.

 

I am sure HE doesn't feel bad for essentially rejecting you, so why should you feel bad for just walking away?

 

Not getting your rationale there. Take care of YOU!

 

All great points. I just had a little hope because he did express that he wanted to get to know me and see if we're compatible and then he turns around and defines us as friends and that he wants to see other people. I just got mixed signals from him.

 

I guess he rejected me? I don't really know at this point. His behavior is confusing.

 

I do deserve better. And you're right, if he wanted to date me and get to know me for real he would make a point to say that and be exclusive about it.

 

I think I just allowed him to get into my head. I am idealizing him, totally. He very well may be a player.

 

It just bothers me so much that HE has gotten to me like this. I barely know him. It just sucks. But I'm allowing myself to feel this way, so, yeah. I should be taking care of myself. Not letting some ******* get to me.

 

I really did like him though. I loved the way he made me feel. We have things in common. But he just feels so insincere now that I just don't want to continue to allow myself to be hurt by someone who doesn't really want me. It's just a sucky feeling.

[preraph]

Yeah, he's going along with your plan because he has no intention of that stopping him from dating other women and getting laid in the meantime. Honestly, it just sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. It's too soon for him to have processed the breakup or learned anything about himself or his part from it, probably, and meanwhile, he is just wanting to distract himself and get laid. All that stuff he said about you might be right for him, well, guys will say what women want to hear to get laid. Right now, he's trying to build up his ego again after the breakup and just be distracted. He's not going to agree to be exclusive to you because he's nowhere near ready to be committed to anyone right now.

[Jiylien]

Yeah, he's going along with your plan because he has no intention of that stopping him from dating other women and getting laid in the meantime. Honestly, it just sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. It's too soon for him to have processed the breakup or learned anything about himself or his part from it, probably, and meanwhile, he is just wanting to distract himself and get laid. All that stuff he said about you might be right for him, well, guys will say what women want to hear to get laid. Right now, he's trying to build up his ego again after the breakup and just be distracted. He's not going to agree to be exclusive to you because he's nowhere near ready to be committed to anyone right now.

 

I agree with you. He said it was 8 months since breaking up with his ex. I don't think he knows what he wants, at all. I don't want to deal with an indecisive person. I don't want to play games. And I am not interested in casual sex. So...I'm going to move on.

[stillafool]

First of all this guy is probably still in love with his ex. Afterall, she is the one who told him she didn't want him. He isn't going to be your bf because he knows he doesn't feel that way about you. He has to get over her before he can open his heart up to someone new. He does need sex and that is basically the only type of relationship he wants with you or any other girl at this point in his life. He has to get over his ex before he chooses another gf. He was sincere about the things he said about you. That you are beautiful, smart and caring, but those things alone are not enough to make someone fall in love with you. Since your feelings for him are so strong after only dating briefly I would suggest you block him and go strict NC. He will just end up hurting you more if you stay in contact because he doesn't feel the same way you do.

[stillafool]

He does know what he wants: He wants his ex back but she won't come back.

[Jiylien]

First of all this guy is probably still in love with his ex. Afterall, she is the one who told him she didn't want him. He isn't going to be your bf because he knows he doesn't feel that way about you. He has to get over her before he can open his heart up to someone new. He does need sex and that is basically the only type of relationship he wants with you or any other girl at this point in his life. He has to get over his ex before he chooses another gf. He was sincere about the things he said about you. That you are beautiful, smart and caring, but those things alone are not enough to make someone fall in love with you. Since your feelings for him are so strong after only dating briefly I would suggest you block him and go strict NC. He will just end up hurting you more if you stay in contact because he doesn't feel the same way you do.

 

I agree with everything you said. Thank you.

I do think he was sincere with his words and feelings but he is not ready to be with someone exclusively. And I think he definitely wants sex from me and now that I told him he's not going to get it, he's backing off. That's what I gather from all of this. I don't want to end up competing with other people to have a relationship with him. I'd rather be done with it. I intend to go NC.