michelleshocked Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Hi all, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years around 6 months ago and we have been in fairly regular contact since then - as friends as well as romantic partners. We are both under the understanding that our relationship has no future (he cheated, a lot, and I cannot forgive him), but we both still love each other and rely on each-other as quite good friends. I do still love him in a lot of ways and I enjoy being his friend... BUT Being in regular contact / him telling me he loves me and misses me is making me unable to detach the 'boyfriend' part of our relationship and just be friends. Plus I still love him in the back of my mind so I'm still 'holding on'. I have been thinking about telling him I need time alone with no contact between us so that I can start to move on, but, I kinda feel mean. He helps me out a lot and as I say, is a good friend of mine, we talk a lot. Will this be an acceptable thing to do? I'm sick of dragging things out with us, I get reminded of the pain of him cheating all the time, and also when my Mr Right could be around the corner, and I'm blind to see him! Please help Any advice or ideas? 1
Twigyy Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 It is not mean to cut contacts with someone who was mean to you. He cheated on you. Hello ? Delete, block, avoid. You don't have to tell him anything. You don't owe him. Run while you can. He still says he loves you because he wants you to be his safety net. He enjoy spending time with you while he can tell other girls that he is single and free. He is very selfish. No more buts. Go NC for your own good. 1
Marco Valerio Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Hi friend, You can not trust someone who's unfaithful to you. Trust is everything. You deserve better, someone who loves you and respects you. I think you should cut all contact with him, this is not making you any good. There's someone better for you out there. Big hug. 1
Satu Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 If he had loved you he wouldn't have cheated on you. He doesn't know what the word, 'love' means. You deserve much better. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means he might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.
Fufu Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Hi all, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years around 6 months ago and we have been in fairly regular contact since then - as friends as well as romantic partners. We are both under the understanding that our relationship has no future (he cheated, a lot, and I cannot forgive him), but we both still love each other and rely on each-other as quite good friends. I do still love him in a lot of ways and I enjoy being his friend... BUT Being in regular contact / him telling me he loves me and misses me is making me unable to detach the 'boyfriend' part of our relationship and just be friends. Plus I still love him in the back of my mind so I'm still 'holding on'. I have been thinking about telling him I need time alone with no contact between us so that I can start to move on, but, I kinda feel mean. He helps me out a lot and as I say, is a good friend of mine, we talk a lot. Will this be an acceptable thing to do? I'm sick of dragging things out with us, I get reminded of the pain of him cheating all the time, and also when my Mr Right could be around the corner, and I'm blind to see him! Please help Any advice or ideas? Please never ever continue dating anyone who cheats on you. This just shows to him that he can be outside having fun with other girls and have no worries about his own gf. Please don't be cruel to yourself. Cease contacts with cheaters and move on with your life. You deserve someone who only commits to you and you only.
Author michelleshocked Posted April 19, 2015 Author Posted April 19, 2015 Thanks all for your love and confidence boosts, Is it appropriate for me to let him know that I'm cutting contact? I think it would be easier if he knew I didn't want him in my life - saves him contacting me at least. If so what should I say? Should I be straight up and tell him all the reasons why I don't want to talk to him any more, or just say I need to be alone, and I'm ready to move on...? I think just all of a sudden ignoring him would make him worried and more inclined to try and contact me. Also, the worst part, he has a 2yr old son with the woman he cheated on me with- and has since cheated on me with her again after the baby was born, at least twice. She hates my guts and made my life a bit of a nightmare until I removed my facebook profile (best thing I ever did!) so she could stop trying to get under my skin and rub my nose in what happened. Thanks again for your help, I've just moved cities and don't really have many friends.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 First off, I think it is great that you want to take this step towards a better life for yourself. I would keep it short. I think saying you're ready to move on and letting him know you don't want any contact is good enough. And then block/delete him from your life. Don't even give him a chance to respond or try to convince you otherwise. You will feel so strong. You really do deserve better.
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