leafguy Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Hey everyone, Been a while since I have posted, but looking for a bit of advice. Long story short, we had been talking online for a week, exchanged numbers, texted / phone calls for another week and met up today for lunch / walk at the lake. The date seemed to go well, conversation was good, couple laughs, etc etc. I grabbed her hand towards the end and held it for the last bit of the walk and she did not pull away. Ended off with a hug and I told her I would really like to go out again, and she told me on the spot when she was free. All in all I think things went pretty well. My advice I am asking for is how to handle the period in between dates. I guess in terms of contact is where I am mostly aiming...I left her alone tonight as she said she was going out, but how much contact is too much, how much is too little? I understand every situation is unique, but a general suggestion is much appreciated.
Gary S Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 You only contact her for a date. That's it! (if she contacts you first, make a date). You talk on the dates in the beginning. Relationships are made of dates. In the mean time, if you are not talking, you can;t say something stupid to turn her off, and she'll be wondering what you are doing... if she is wondering about you, she is falling. People fall in love over time, and playing hard to get doubles attraction.
Author leafguy Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Thanks for the reply Gary. That seems to be what most of my friends have said also. I haven't actively been dating so I just find it a bit weird that once you meet it is like instantly shutting off the dialogue between meetings save for planning future dates. But I guess the whole getting to know each other in person makes a lot more sense.
TheBathWater Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Hey everyone, Been a while since I have posted, but looking for a bit of advice. Long story short, we had been talking online for a week, exchanged numbers, texted / phone calls for another week and met up today for lunch / walk at the lake. The date seemed to go well, conversation was good, couple laughs, etc etc. I grabbed her hand towards the end and held it for the last bit of the walk and she did not pull away. Ended off with a hug and I told her I would really like to go out again, and she told me on the spot when she was free. All in all I think things went pretty well. My advice I am asking for is how to handle the period in between dates. I guess in terms of contact is where I am mostly aiming...I left her alone tonight as she said she was going out, but how much contact is too much, how much is too little? I understand every situation is unique, but a general suggestion is much appreciated. Wait at least two days since the date, but not more than four.
Author leafguy Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Odds are I will call tomorrow evening to ask her out Wednesday when she told me she was free in the evening.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 If she said she was free on the spot, her interest is pretty high. I'd give it a few days to let her miss you a bit, and then call her on the phone to set the next date. BTW - The date seemed to work for her. But if it doesn't end up working out with her, there are things can do and avoid to have better success in general. Talking online and the phone for two weeks is dragging it out a bit. You could have had her out in a 1/3 of the time. Plus, hand holding on a first meet/date comes off as BF/GF which is a bit much for a woman you don't know. Finally, play down your enthusiasm a bit at the end of a date. A simple "We should do this again sometime" and letting her agree is enough. "I'd really like to go out again" sounds a bit desperate.
Author leafguy Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Thanks for the reply fitness, I believe she was interested as well, but I have also had a date say when she was free and then bail while waiting for a few days as well. I guess no situation is the same. As far as the talking bit of it. Only reason I waited so long was I got sick and had to wait almost an extra week. We had planned the date for earlier in the week but ended up talking on the phone instead to sort of make up for the not being able to go. The hand holding...I kind of agree now that I think about it. But I wasn't sure how exactly to show her outside of flat out telling her I want another date. I thought maybe an action would speak louder than words, and the hand seemed reasonable at the time. As far as your suggestion about "we should do this again sometime." Seems a bit to vague for me....that's something I have given and received from someone I don't want to see again or that doesn't want to see me again.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 In my opinion you should only match her contact level. Let her set the pace and just keep up with it. Set up dates, and then don't talk to her much at all. Some occasional banter is OK, but only every 3-5 days imo. Otherwise if she messages you, respond. Contact between dates is unnecessary, it just complicates things more than it needs to.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 As far as your suggestion about "we should do this again sometime." Seems a bit to vague for me....that's something I have given and received from someone I don't want to see again or that doesn't want to see me again. You see this is where we differ. If I don't want to see a woman again, I tell her so respectfully to her face at the end of the date. I don't take the easy way out. Also, being a bit vague expresses interest without putting a woman on the spot. Just letting her confirm interest opens the door for you to call her and make plans on the phone in the future. But most of the time if I have a good first date where she's giving me obvious signs of interest, I just go for a kiss and take her reciprocating at face value. However, there are times where a woman is harder to read. So that's when I'd use the do it again sometime after a hug.
Author leafguy Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Agreed fitness, I do differ a bit and I have taken the cowards way out before. Won't hide that. But that was in my younger days. The last couple scenarios it has been me that has been shot down (basically the few dates I have had since my break up). And I think it has a lot to do with my in between stages of the game so to speak. And this one was a bit harder to read as far as what was appropriate for a first date. Sometimes it's a complete no brainer that you go for the kiss. This wasn't one of those scenarios as I wasn't sure what she was expecting for an ending, so I chose the safer bet and went with the hug and telling her I was interested in seeing her again.
Bohonia Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Contact her to set a date and thats it, don't blow up her phone. If you talk to much you will have nothing to talk about on the date, she'll lose interest.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Contact her to set a date and thats it, don't blow up her phone. If you talk to much you will have nothing to talk about on the date, she'll lose interest. Agree with this for the most part. But when making plans, I don't recommend hitting and running. It's always a good idea to chat for 5-10 mins on the phone before bringing it up, or if you're asking by text (the younger generation), exchanging 3-5 prior is fine. I mean if doing a little bit of chatting prior kills the conversation in person, either your social skills are bad, or you two have nothing in common..LOL
Author leafguy Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Lol...I prefer to phone to set up dates. Just far more personal and I think it leaves a far better impression. And yeah, if we can't chit chat for 10 minutes, I think it is game set and match before the date begins lol
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