Not really sure who was out of line here...

[tojaz]

So I've been with this girl off and on for awhile now (several months).

 

I've had a really extensively bad week, work drama, family drama, you name it. After seeing her for a couple short visits during the week, I asked her to spend some time this weekend as I could really use a shoulder and some company to take my mind of things. She says the night before that she would try but wasn't sure.... fair enough.

 

Come this morning and we text for a couple hours about the whens and wheres of our plans, and then out of the blue she just says shes tired and isn't going out today.I'm being honest when I say out of the blue.

 

So after feeling pretty lousy and admittedly letting things stew a little. I called her up and tried to explain that I felt pretty lousy being left to twist in the wind like that. I was nice, but felt like getting my feelings out in the open was the right thing to do.

 

By the end of the conversation, I was all twisted up and actually felt bad for feeling bad!

 

I'm usually pretty sharp about this sort of thing, but this one is throwing me off and I'm not sure if I was out of line for being upset or not. This drives me nuts because we are actually pretty good together most of the time.

 

TOJAZ

[Art_Critic]

can this just be chalked up to just having a bad day and the other person may have been too ?

 

if this was the first time plans fizzled out like this then just call it life and see what happens next..

[Gary S]

A woman breaking dates when you should be in the honeymoon phase of the relationship is bad news.

[gaius]

You weren't out of line per se, but you displayed a fair amount of neediness and weakness so I'm not surprised you feel bad about it on some level. I have female friends that I just hang out with if the woman I'm dating wants to be neglectful. But they generally don't end up being, because they know there are other options out there. You basically just told her you have no other options. =/

[joseb]

Your gut may be telling you something is off with this woman, so maybe heed it.

However, I think it's to early to say it's a big deal - if it becomes a pattern, then you know it's not going to work.

You say it's been off and on relationship - to me, this is a bigger red flag than a little flakiness.

[tojaz]

Thanks for the reply folks, and sorry for the kind of flaky first post. Been through the wringer the last few days with this just being the icing on the cake and had a real hard time trying to put my thoughts on the screen.

 

This has been a pattern for her >>> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/507423-what-just-happened

 

This is the last post in that thread and as it turns out, forshadowed a lot of what has happened.

Remember this, because it's going to come into play, again and again and again.

 

She has set up a scenario in which you won't be a priority and it is infallible.

 

It took a lot of thought over the last couple days to realize how true that statement was.

 

The strange thing is, I don't really get the impression that this is something intentional or conscious. I'm really starting to believe that she just doesn't know how to incorporate another person into her life when emotions and empathy come into play. Like she doesn't understand that you can't just turn a relationship off when it becomes inconvenient and then turn it back on when it serves your needs.

 

That kind of leads me to my current situation of what to do next. If I thought she was genuinely just a selfish person just now showing her colors I would have no problem walking away and never looking back. Yet I still believe that she just doesn't get it and all my attempts of trying to communicate how her actions effect are received like I am speaking some other language that she doesn't understand.

 

Even directly after our conversation I get texts about songs on the radio and how attached she is to me etc. and I am finding it very hard to ignore them, but I can't just let this get pushed under the rug again if for no other reason then my own sanity.

 

Tojaz