Tailor2000 Posted April 18, 2015 Posted April 18, 2015 I go to a Church where the people are friendly, warm and polite, genuinely lovely people. But - save for a few, I still feel like an outsider with people not making time for me outside of Church. They don't get in touch, or socialise. They're like work colleagues. They say that we're all friends and we all care for each other, and it annoys me when I see no evidence of that. I do see however that they are capable of friendship when the extend invitations or give others birthday gifts. They're capable of friendships and making an effort with others, so what's wrong with me? I've had a few invites, but because they've happened once and never anything more to back it up with, it feels like a pity invite! I've even had a couple of people suggest we should do something, but it's never happened. I've reminded them about it a few times, and had a "busy, later" response, yet they continue to mention it themselves. I've given up waiting! My problems might be because Im single and virtually everyone else is married with families. There's a lot of information on the internet about how singles struggle with Church because Churches just don't know how to handle them. So Im here to see if it's all in my head and what I can do better. Here's a couple of scenarios. There have been times Im having a conversation with someone, a third person will join in but then they both turn away from me to continue the conversation. Several times Im left looking at the backs of their heads. Am I that insignificant? Am I that weak and unnoticeable? If I go up to two people to try and join in the conversation, I am ignored! No two ways about it. But then this same person will come back at another time and talk to me lie nothing is wrong! Confusing. Now, Imagine a row of 10 chairs all filled, apart from chair 5 and 6. I sit down in chair 6, someone (A) comes in after and sits in chair 5. I say Hi, get a Hi back, then nothing. No interaction. I get on well with the person in chair 7 (B). Now lets reverse it, Im in chair 7, B sits in chair 6, A comes in later and sits in chair 5, and already A is talking to B and communicating and interacting. Am I that unlikeable? Not only do I feel excluded because A doesn't speak to me, I feel that there's something specifically wrong with me, because A can have a relationship with B quite happily. I have told A that I would be grateful if they would take a bit more time to acknowledge me and not ignore me. It's not perfect, but it's better. But this isn't just a problem with A, quite a few people are like this. It's like Im putting up a wall of frost or something. A is also kind of like a bad weather friend - there and ready to help when Im depressed, but when Im back to normal, they disperse. All I want is a nice normal friendship. Is that too much to ask? If I didn't make the effort, there's very few of them that would get in touch with me. I've even stopped making the effort with one friend who i thought we were really close. They still smile and huge when we greet and everything seems OK. But they simply will not get in touch! It sucks! I lack confidence. Im trying hard to ignore what's happening and accept people are just messed up, that I need to try harder. I've been puttng myself out there, getting involved more, giving, sharing, initiating, trying to talk to people, be more interested in listening to them instead of talking about myself. Save for a limited few, I've received very little in return. Maybe there's more I can still do. I don't want to come across as being needy, I just want genuine friendship with people who care like they say they do rather than caring because they feel obligated, with friends who spontaneously get in touch. I want genuineness. Maybe I need to present myself in a different way. I know people like me though, they hold me in high regard. I know because they've said so. So how to fix this. I've read that as a single person, maybe I could invite other couples out for a drink myself, or invite myself round to their house for a meal. I don't know how that works. As a single person, how can you invite a couple to a meal? Because if they don't join you, you're by yourself! And how do you invite yourself to their house?
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