How to tell if a guy has a girlfriend or is simply interested in someone else more?

[MarshaH]

I'll keep this brief: Went on a great first date with a guy I met online, he showed a lot interest, tried to reach for physical touch, extended the date, and in the end we made out in a parking lot. Also suggested we go to a park to walk around for the second date before he left. I was all hopeful but then he was barely in touch after the first date - only two brief emails. I took it as a sign he's not that interested.

 

Then just when I was about to give up, he texted asking if I was still interested in walking around the park, and I said yes. We texted back and forth for a little while and I couldn't tell if he's a bad texter or just not that enthused, but I felt like I was doing the main planning/logistic stuff, etc, and he was only following my lead.

 

The second date came and we had a good time as usual but he lives about 5 minutes away from the park and he showed no intention of bringing me home that night. I mean, I wasn't looking for it but in hindsight that felt pretty strange to me when a guy had the opportunity, especially on the first date he actually mentioned that he wished I was living somewhere close that day so that we'd find a place to "crash" for fun. He once again fooled around with me in the backseat of my car and now I fear that it's going to become a pattern. He kept saying we did not have the "logistics to carry it all the way" when his apartment is only 5 minutes away. I mean, wtf?

 

He was still very sweet and suggested when to see me again. But still, not contact since the second date - very similar to what happened after the first date. I feel like he's either not that interested or keeping me as a backup when he's seeing someone he's truly interested in. Or maybe just a mindset that he's not ready to be tied down and lose his freedom yet. My past experience tells me to step back and wait for the guy to initiate contact, so that it shows his interest level, but this guy is a bit passive. He also mentioned how he's shy and not very good at this, and granted, we've only seen each other twice, but I feel like if I'm on his mind he'd want to reach out.

 

Another case scenario I'm wondering is that if I'm showing enough interest to him that he has picked up on. He strikes me as someone who wouldn't make much of a move unless the girl showed clear interest that she likes him...

[preraph]

Sounds to me like he either lives with a wife, a girlfriend, or a mother and can't bring you to his apartment.

[fred123]

I'll keep this brief: Went on a great first date with a guy I met online, he showed a lot interest, tried to reach for physical touch, extended the date, and in the end we made out in a parking lot. Also suggested we go to a park to walk around for the second date before he left. I was all hopeful but then he was barely in touch after the first date - only two brief emails. I took it as a sign he's not that interested.

 

Then just when I was about to give up, he texted asking if I was still interested in walking around the park, and I said yes. We texted back and forth for a little while and I couldn't tell if he's a bad texter or just not that enthused, but I felt like I was doing the main planning/logistic stuff, etc, and he was only following my lead.

 

The second date came and we had a good time as usual but he lives about 5 minutes away from the park and he showed no intention of bringing me home that night. I mean, I wasn't looking for it but in hindsight that felt pretty strange to me when a guy had the opportunity, especially on the first date he actually mentioned that he wished I was living somewhere close that day so that we'd find a place to "crash" for fun. He once again fooled around with me in the backseat of my car and now I fear that it's going to become a pattern. He kept saying we did not have the "logistics to carry it all the way" when his apartment is only 5 minutes away. I mean, wtf?

 

He was still very sweet and suggested when to see me again. But still, not contact since the second date - very similar to what happened after the first date. I feel like he's either not that interested or keeping me as a backup when he's seeing someone he's truly interested in. Or maybe just a mindset that he's not ready to be tied down and lose his freedom yet. My past experience tells me to step back and wait for the guy to initiate contact, so that it shows his interest level, but this guy is a bit passive. He also mentioned how he's shy and not very good at this, and granted, we've only seen each other twice, but I feel like if I'm on his mind he'd want to reach out.

 

Another case scenario I'm wondering is that if I'm showing enough interest to him that he has picked up on. He strikes me as someone who wouldn't make much of a move unless the girl showed clear interest that she likes him...

 

So you as a girl is complaining he didnt take you home on the second date?! Surely im confused cos girls nornally complain the opposite and want guys who dont do that and find it putting off if a guy did try get her home.

[Gary S]

If you both have places, that's weird that you two would makeout in a car - that's what kids do who have parents at home - or a guy who has a wife.

 

But I also have to ask... if you like him so much, why did he not pick you up on date 2? What's wrong with your place?

[smackie9]

If someones behavior comes into question, don't guess/assume or ask others, confront them with about it. Then go by how they approach your question. If is sounds like bs then you walk. You are only spinning your wheels coming here. Communication is key.

[MarshaH]

Haha I certainly wouldn't be comfortable if a guy I barely know pushed the issue too eagerly, but it simply surprised me that he didn't even try when he had the opportunity. I thought guys usually "go for the kill" if they found the girl attractive or something, but I guess there are exceptions... I guess that brought up the concern about him having a girlfriend or not. When we were making out I could tell that he was turned on, but he could stop it there without taking it "further," which reminds me of someone who actually "gets" it a lot.

[MarshaH]

If you both have places, that's weird that you two would makeout in a car - that's what kids do who have parents at home - or a guy who has a wife.

 

But I also have to ask... if you like him so much, why did he not pick you up on date 2? What's wrong with your place?

 

Yeah it definitely reminds me of high school....

 

We live about 30 minutes away from each other, and the park we visited was near his place. At first he just walked me back to my parking lot and we hugged goodbye, but he obviously felt like kissing me so he decided to walk me directly back to my car and the next thing we knew we were in the backseat...

 

He mentioned how next time maybe we can try to meet somewhere in between... I took it as a good sign that he'd like to keep seeing me, but his action certainly doesn't match his words... Haven't heard from him at all since date #2 and he kept talking about how I should send him a text every now and then. I felt like saying, "How about YOU send me a text every now and then?"