Feeling like a backup friend

[kra54]

I am in a group of 4 friends.

Let's name two of the friends Dakota and Allie and I am Skylar and my other friend is Laine

 

So anyways, I have been in a group with Dakota and Allie since October of last year. I have always felt like a third wheel or a backup friend but I never really said anything. A couple of times I have had anxiety attacks due to pushing all that down pretending like I was not a third wheel. But recently, things have changed.

 

Around late February, Laine joined our group. I became really good friends with Laine and I told her a lot of personal stuff and she told me a lot of personal stuff. I didn't feel like a third wheel anymore.

 

Then our entire group got into a huge fight over the stupidest thing, I'm not even sure what it was about. I think it may have been rising tension between Dakota and Allie but I am not sure. Well, I have been trying to become closer to Dakota but she pushes me away and goes to Allie. I know that Dakota thinks that Allie is her best friends but in reality, it is so different. She does not know what Allie does behind her back.

 

So anyways, during this fight Dakota comes to ME and Allie goes to Laine as if we are taking sides. So then Dakota says she is my best friend and that she doesn't know what she would do without me and I was literally filled with joy and I almost started crying.

Allie tells Laine pretty much the same thing.

 

We are best friends for maybe three days then Allie and Dakota go back to being best friends and Laine and I are thrown aside again.

 

Laine and I have been feeling like backup friends for a long time. I would become closer to Laine but I just can't because I am a very happy person usually and Laine is depressed and is always talking about sad things and I feel like it will not work out.

 

Just one week ago Allie had said that she is seriously considering ditching her and Dakota's friendship. Now they are sleeping over at each others house laughing like nothing happened.

I feel like the only reason I am in this friend group is to clean up Dakota and Allie's messes.

I don't know what to do, I feel like I am trapped because Dakota, Allie, and Laine are my only friends and I have left a group of friends before and I was alone and depressed for a year. I don't want to be alone and depressed again.

[preraph]

You are just one of a group of friends. Friends float around. They hang and are close with one, then the other. They do often do small things to make each other mad. When you said your reaction that Dakota came to you and for a minute you were her best friend and you were about to cry with joy, I knew something is wrong with you emotionally because that is way over the top. Here you have a girl who you say has been pushing you aside and basically not treating you very well, but now you are overcome with tears of joy that she wants you for a minute? Something is wrong with your self-esteem. Why would you want someone who hasn't been treating you well? Why would you even keep being friends if you feel she most of the time isn't even wanting to be friendly with you? And you need to ask yourself why being one of a group isn't good enough. What is it about your ego or your insecurity that you can't be satisified unless you are number one?

 

Is it possible you have romantic feelings for some of these friends? Because your reaction to all this is unhealthily extreme. Did you have some trauma growing up with maybe a parent abandoning or neglect or something? Something is wrong here.

[SerCay]

OP sounds VERY young.

 

What is the concept of best friends anyway, one learns at older age.

There's old friends, who you can rely on, who have been around for ages

 

There's fun friends, who are usually around for some time, who you do fun stuff with and who you see regularly often (these may turn into old friends in time)

 

There's superficial friends (aka acqaintances) who you meet at parties, your favourite hangout, who you invite to birthday parties, but you don't see them all too often

 

Trying to say here OP, expand your horizon, get into different environments and build a surrounding. Don't rely on 3 persons only.

[kra54]

Came to a conclusion and no longer need replies. Thanks for the help.