This guy spposedly wants to date me, but he acts like doesn't like me in person

[Ashley S]

This is so weird to me. My girlfriend and I are best friends. She has a guy friend that I met. She keeps telling me that he really likes me, and she said "He has a crush on you." "He's crushing on you!" and thinks I am "hot", and she said that he said he wants to "date" me. He tells her these things privately to her, but when I hang out with him he acts like someone who is not interested. If it wasn't for my girlfriend telling me the things he says about me, I wouldn't think he is someone that is interested in me. He just is normal with me. He is very protective of me though, and says all the time that he will never let a guy take advantage of me or whatever.

 

He comments, and likes all my photos, and even commented on my one picture and said I was "gorgeous", and he tags me in a lot of his posts. He converses with me on there, and he said I was "really pretty", and my girlfriend kept telling me how much he likes me and wants to go out with me, but I told her I was unsure of him. Me and my girlfriend, and my cousin, and him went out tonight. He was really drunk, but before we went out him, my girlfriend talked on the phone, and he said to her "Ashley is so hot! Especially her red lipstick, her red lips, I'm having sex with her tonight." Lol, we just chalked it up to him being drunk. She told me all of this, I didn't actually hear this from him. Then we went to his house, and he was all over my cousin. He seemed really interested in my cousin. He even said they are gonna "date". So, it was hard for me to believe he actually liked me, and my girlfriend made her point that there would be no reason for her to lie, and that he really liked me, and wanted to date me, and that everything she told me was the truth.

 

I really like him, but that really turned me off. I was unsure about him, but now that just confuses me because if he is supposedly interested in me, then why is going after my cousin? Why does he act normal with me in person, but yet has a "crush" on me? Is it a tactic? Did he lose interest? What do you think? Thanks.

[Wisecrack]

Sounds like me. I really was crazy about a girl but I just did not know how about to show it. Couple that with my natural friendly/ flirtatious personality, I usually ended up with woman around my arms and the likes at social gatherings we both frequented. Yet I could never seem to get myself to talk to her and so as a girl wrapped her arms around me innocently, I lost my dream girl.

 

What I say? Sometimes it's better to be straight and out right. Tell him if he likes you to ask you out and stop with all that. Otherwise say good bye because you're a proud gal who won't stand for this.

[preraph]

I don't know where you find so many messed up guys, Ashley. Can you ever just like a guy who isn't spreading chaos everywhere? This guy probably has the hots for every hot girl out there, but sounds to me like it's your cousin he's really interested in. Let's put it this way: He has a short attention span. He also has no regard for politeness or having boundaries because you can't just go around having sex with whole families.

[smackie9]

Ashley this guy is one big red flag. Yes he is interested in you but his behavior is very negative. You do not want to date a guy that is crushing on you that hard. He is immature, obsessing, possessive and controlling. This guy is a jealous freak, and can't control his emotions. He shields himself because of the hot mess he truly is. There's a reason why your friend isn't dating him and has put him in the friends zone....because there is something very wrong with him.

 

Yes I get it it's very flattering to hear some guy thinks your hot, etc. But that don't mean you should be interested in him.

 

Stop wasting your time on these weirdos.

[kendahke]

Don't date him. He's not acting like a guy who wants to. If he's pushing up on your cousin, then that is your sign to set him adrift. You can't possibly need a man that badly.

[Ashley S]

Thanks everyone! I actually spoke to my girlfriend about it, and she told me that he said I am out of his league. He thinks I will never go for him. Then she put him on three way, and she said "What did you do with Ashley's cousin last night? Do you like her?" He said "Oh I don't even remember, I was so wasted. Do you know how many shots I had?" She said "Yeah you were." He said "I mean Ashley's cousin's cool, but I don't want to go out with her cousin." So apparently, he "forgot" the night. And my girlfriend claims it's because he thinks I will never go for him. I kept saying to my friend that I don't believe that is it, but she keeps claiming it is, and she has no reason to lie. I do believe her because she is an honest person, but I don't know if I should keep talking to him or not? I don't know if I trust him?

[Jessie1231]

He doesn't act like he likes you in person and tried to hook up with your cousin in front of you. Get some self esteem because to even be considering this, your self esteem is non-existent.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks everyone! I actually spoke to my girlfriend about it, and she told me that he said I am out of his league. He thinks I will never go for him. Then she put him on three way, and she said "What did you do with Ashley's cousin last night? Do you like her?" He said "Oh I don't even remember, I was so wasted. Do you know how many shots I had?" She said "Yeah you were." He said "I mean Ashley's cousin's cool, but I don't want to go out with her cousin." So apparently, he "forgot" the night. And my girlfriend claims it's because he thinks I will never go for him. I kept saying to my friend that I don't believe that is it, but she keeps claiming it is, and she has no reason to lie. I do believe her because she is an honest person, but I don't know if I should keep talking to him or not? I don't know if I trust him?

 

He also openly expressed an interest in your cousin, of all people. Why is this guy even still in your scope? Hold out for someone who actually acts as though he likes you and respects you.

[Ashley S]

Yeah everyone's right. He is really giving mixed signals. Because my friend said he thinks I will never go for him, so I said to him "Do you like my cousin?" He said "I like your cousin, but not in that way, I was really drunk Ashley." I said "Do you think she's more attractive than me?" He said "No, I'm sorry, she's really not my type. I get stupid drunk sometimes." He said "You are reserved with your feelings, like me. Every girl I went out with, approached me first, I never went out with a girl that I approached, I don't approach girls because I am too reserved, and shy, and too much of a wuss to actually show my feelings to a girl."

 

I thought it was a signal for to me basically hit on him, so I got drunk later in the night, and I was hugging him, and he kissed me on the lips, but it was a peck, and I told him I had a crush on him, and he just kept hugging me, and kissing me on the cheek. I was throwing myself at him in a way, it wasn't strong, but it was enough to let him know I was interested in him. I didn't say I would have sex with him or anything like that, but I did compliment him, and let him know that I liked him, he didn't really go for it.

 

His room-mate Hollie hates me! All she does is rub it in how much her and Jake have sex, and are close. She is really cool with my girlfriend though, and loves her. She purposely will compliment my girlfriend, and not me. She'll throw digs at me, when I bought her drinks, and tried to be her friend, and I am really nice to her. My girlfriend said it's because he talks about me a lot, and she's jealous of that. Because she knows that he "likes" me, but then again, he didn't go for me. I have no idea what to think of this. It is all very confusing.

[Jessie1231]

He hit on your cousin, has sex with his roommate who hates you, and rejected you when you got drunk and threw yourself at him. That should clear up any confusion you have about the guy.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah everyone's right. He is really giving mixed signals. Because my friend said he thinks I will never go for him, so I said to him "Do you like my cousin?" He said "I like your cousin, but not in that way, I was really drunk Ashley." I said "Do you think she's more attractive than me?" He said "No, I'm sorry, she's really not my type. I get stupid drunk sometimes." He said "You are reserved with your feelings, like me. Every girl I went out with, approached me first, I never went out with a girl that I approached, I don't approach girls because I am too reserved, and shy, and too much of a wuss to actually show my feelings to a girl."

 

I thought it was a signal for to me basically hit on him, so I got drunk later in the night, and I was hugging him, and he kissed me on the lips, but it was a peck, and I told him I had a crush on him, and he just kept hugging me, and kissing me on the cheek. I was throwing myself at him in a way, it wasn't strong, but it was enough to let him know I was interested in him. I didn't say I would have sex with him or anything like that, but I did compliment him, and let him know that I liked him, he didn't really go for it.

 

His room-mate Hollie hates me! All she does is rub it in how much her and Jake have sex, and are close. She is really cool with my girlfriend though, and loves her. She purposely will compliment my girlfriend, and not me. She'll throw digs at me, when I bought her drinks, and tried to be her friend, and I am really nice to her. My girlfriend said it's because he talks about me a lot, and she's jealous of that. Because she knows that he "likes" me, but then again, he didn't go for me. I have no idea what to think of this. It is all very confusing.

 

No, it's really not. I cringed reading your post, girl. Basically you did the exact opposite of what any self-respecting young women should do. It reeks of insecurity and desperation, and he picked up on it and was turned off. Shot yourself right in the foot there.

 

You need to understand that difference between a guy who genuinely likes you (which is not this person) and a guy who is an opportunist and likes a lot of other girls too. (which is this person) He's got options so of course he didn't take the bait when he saw you being too insecure. Not an attractive characteristic. You need to work on your self-respect and not throw yourself at any guy who shows a bit of interest. You just saw what happens when your standards are too low.

[preraph]

Thanks everyone! I actually spoke to my girlfriend about it, and she told me that he said I am out of his league. He thinks I will never go for him. Then she put him on three way, and she said "What did you do with Ashley's cousin last night? Do you like her?" He said "Oh I don't even remember, I was so wasted. Do you know how many shots I had?" She said "Yeah you were." He said "I mean Ashley's cousin's cool, but I don't want to go out with her cousin." So apparently, he "forgot" the night. And my girlfriend claims it's because he thinks I will never go for him. I kept saying to my friend that I don't believe that is it, but she keeps claiming it is, and she has no reason to lie. I do believe her because she is an honest person, but I don't know if I should keep talking to him or not? I don't know if I trust him?

 

It doesn't matter whether you believe her or not, because what he's telling HER isn't even true, so he's lying to her. And even if he were telling her the truth, he sounds like a jerk because he's saying he doesn't even remember what he did last night. Please expect more out of people and don't end up with a mess like that.

[kendahke]

Honestly, Ashley, what more do you need to understand this ain't the guy for you? Let him admire you from afar, since he's not man enough to declare how he feels for you.

 

Besides that, he's got a problem with alcohol. He gets so blotto that he can't remember being all over your cousin? That's not good.

[stillafool]

Oh Ashley, you will know a guy likes you when he is the one who approaches you, asks for your number and then asks you out. Don't listen to people who tell you someone has a crush on you. Sometimes guys will tell a girl they have a crush on their friend just to see if that girl gets jealous. It could be that he really has a crush on your cousin and was trying to make her jealous. If he really was crushing on you he wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to get with you when you threw yourself at him. I think you should relax a bit and not be so anxious to get with a guy.

[MissBee]

This is so weird to me. My girlfriend and I are best friends. She has a guy friend that I met. She keeps telling me that he really likes me, and she said "He has a crush on you." "He's crushing on you!" and thinks I am "hot", and she said that he said he wants to "date" me. He tells her these things privately to her, but when I hang out with him he acts like someone who is not interested. If it wasn't for my girlfriend telling me the things he says about me, I wouldn't think he is someone that is interested in me. He just is normal with me. He is very protective of me though, and says all the time that he will never let a guy take advantage of me or whatever.

 

He comments, and likes all my photos, and even commented on my one picture and said I was "gorgeous", and he tags me in a lot of his posts. He converses with me on there, and he said I was "really pretty", and my girlfriend kept telling me how much he likes me and wants to go out with me, but I told her I was unsure of him. Me and my girlfriend, and my cousin, and him went out tonight. He was really drunk, but before we went out him, my girlfriend talked on the phone, and he said to her "Ashley is so hot! Especially her red lipstick, her red lips, I'm having sex with her tonight." Lol, we just chalked it up to him being drunk. She told me all of this, I didn't actually hear this from him. Then we went to his house, and he was all over my cousin. He seemed really interested in my cousin. He even said they are gonna "date". So, it was hard for me to believe he actually liked me, and my girlfriend made her point that there would be no reason for her to lie, and that he really liked me, and wanted to date me, and that everything she told me was the truth.

 

I really like him, but that really turned me off. I was unsure about him, but now that just confuses me because if he is supposedly interested in me, then why is going after my cousin? Why does he act normal with me in person, but yet has a "crush" on me? Is it a tactic? Did he lose interest? What do you think? Thanks.

 

How old are you guys?

 

He seems really immature to me and I would instantly lose all interest in a man who was all over my cousin or who told my friend he was having sex with me tonight.

 

This guy seems a little lame in my opinion and if you spend most of your time wondering if he likes you, I'd just move on to guys who are more mature and can be upfront with you and ask you out. It also seems he may like you for a hook up and not really like you for more cause all he says is you are hot, pretty, gorgeous, comments on your "red lips" and how he wants to bang you ....doesn't sound like a guy who likes you, wants to know you and date you at all.

[shvrk]

You seem to meet strange guys a lot.

Have you ever tried talking to people in your classes? You could meet someone that you have something in common with. That isn't a total dickhead.