Everlastinglite Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Im on day 24 of NC and i literally just broke down... I miss him so much. I was the one to break up with him, but in my heart i didnt want to...i just knew he wasnt giving me what i needed and he wont change. No contact just makes me think of him way more, and miss him 100 times more. I keep wondering what hes doing, who hes out with, hows his new job, hows his mom doing.... I need to see him and hear his voice. I just want to be by his side again. But everyone keeps telling me that i shouldnt contact him no matter what, and i really dont see the point. Im a mess n its been months since the actual breakup.
thorin Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) Huh, I am also exactly during 24th day of no contact. What's the point, uhh...I don't really know, it also hurts me more this way, but the funny thing is that I know if I contacted her, I would be feeling much worse if she finally told me she has a new boyfriend. Or if she would describe me new guys she's been dating. Or if she wouldn't wanna be with me again. Or treat me like a friend. Or even if she wouln't wanna have sex with me, or kiss me, or hug me, etc. Everything has really changed after the break up. And it won't be the same again with her, ever. That's why I'm maintaining NC. EDIT. I developed a mindset that if I keep working on myself, keep getting better, she will eventually want to be with me again. The thing is that when I think I've already done some serious work, I will have a lot of better possibilities and won't want to be with her anymore. It kind of helps me. Edited April 17, 2015 by thorin
ZiggyZoo Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 If you were the one who ended it, then the point of your NC, besides helping you to move on, is to allow him to do the same. Don't be one of those dumpers who's all about messing with the dumpee's NC. The point of NC is that it's the quickest way to get through a heartbreak. Your relationships have ended, regardless of whose decision it was, and that can't be changed. It sucks a*s, but it works. It took me about two months of NC to feel pretty good. Hang in there, guys.
Jonp219 Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 It's to help you heal quicker. I've been NC for almost a month and the break up was 2 months and some change ago. I feel a lot better now, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't anticipating a message from her everyday. I'm too scared to break NC, I just don't want to know if she's talking to other people, so i'm just going to let it be unless she decides to contact me. Although people tell me to block her number, i'm not going to do that. I want her back and that's the truth, but i'm not going to beat a dead horse. Stay NC and work on yourself, I promise you're going to start feeling better about you.
badpenny Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 ...I was the one to break up with him, but in my heart i didnt want to...i just knew he wasnt giving me what i needed and he wont change.... Well in a way, in that case, you're not the dumper, you're the dumpee. Without any effort or cajoling on his part, he painted you into a corner and made you make a choice that could only go one way. Basically, he dumped you by proxy. He's the one who ended it, by not contributing what you needed, or engaging with you to value the relationship. You were left with no choice BUT to end it. hence, you're the one with th broken heart. So yeah, I figure in a perverse way, you're the one who was dumped, not him. Read the NC Guide, and take it in, because therein sits the truth of the matter. It will help you, as long as you do precisely EVERYTHING it recommends. 2
Fufu Posted April 18, 2015 Posted April 18, 2015 Trust your own decision, I believe you have broken up with him for a good reason. NC is to help you to recover and go back being yourself, the confident you that doesn't need a man to help you breathe in this universe.
SLee Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Don't contact him unless you ACTUALLY want to reconcile. I'm a dumpee so I can only offer my perspective. NC is to help both of you move on, but you broke up with him. I understand why you did it, but you shouldn't have done it if you didn't want to. But I don't know your situation. That's totally up to you. The point of NC is to spend time apart and to heal. If you contact now, you're likely to end up in a worse situation than you were before the break up. As a dumpee, I can say it's complete torture to get messages from the dumper that just drag it out. They're just breadcrumbs, meant to help assuage the dumper's guilt. Not that dumpers are bad people. They're human beings. But if you truly care about him, you don't want to hurt him even more. That's the bottom line. So don't. The only message from you that matters to the dumpee is a clear, straight forward message to reconcile. That's it. If that's not what you want. Do not contact him.
fireflywy Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 (edited) NC. He broke up with you, as noted above, by proxy. Sometimes we have our hands forced by the other person so don't EVER let anyone on this board say that you shouldn't have done it when they left you with no other choice when you were the one fighting on a one way street at the end. stay NC Edited April 19, 2015 by fireflywy
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