CharmieF Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 So here's a little something to mull over with your coffee. Is it ever ok to change things about your partner? For the record, I don't mean stuff like getting them to cut down on the drinking or quitting smoking, no bad habits or anything with an obvious benefit, but just in general? I was talking to my cousin last night. She's in a relationship with a nice enough guy (met him once or twice and he seems decent) but she was telling me how something he mentioned to her the other day had been playing on her mind. See, he's very much your hopeless romantic type, flowers, grand gestures, PDA and such. My cousin...not so much. She's not too big on the PDA and always says that she's not all that materialistic and finds it more romantic if a guy was to offer to pick her up from the airport than buy her a new bracelet. Well anyway, the two of them were out and about with another couple who they often double date with and were in line at the movies when he started to hug her from behind and hold her hands. She told him not to because she needed to buy her ticket and he pointed out that she wasn't next in line anyway so why stop? She pointed out (this was all rather light hearted I should point out) that he knows she doesn't like that sort of thing anyway to which he quipped 'yeah I know, but I'm working on getting you to come round to my way of thinking' And so that's what she's been thinking about - the fact that he's not really accepting of her ways and wants to change her to make her more like him. What do we think about this? Is it acceptable or not so much? Personally I'm not sure, I don't really know this guy. But the idea in general I personally don't agree with. If you like someone surely you should like them for who they are and not who you want them to be? An ex of mine used to want me to wear a waistcoat when we went somewhere fancy. I personally don't like wearing them (I have a weirdly long torso and find that waistcoats in my size are always a little on the short side) so I would refuse, she kept on at me about it, even suggesting we go buy one together but I just didn't want one! (we broke up in the end, although not due to this ) So yeah - let's get a bit of a discussion going yeah? Has anyone ever been in this position? Be it wanting to change something or having someone want to change you? And what's our overall opinion? Cheers guys!
Redhead14 Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 So here's a little something to mull over with your coffee. Is it ever ok to change things about your partner? For the record, I don't mean stuff like getting them to cut down on the drinking or quitting smoking, no bad habits or anything with an obvious benefit, but just in general? I was talking to my cousin last night. She's in a relationship with a nice enough guy (met him once or twice and he seems decent) but she was telling me how something he mentioned to her the other day had been playing on her mind. See, he's very much your hopeless romantic type, flowers, grand gestures, PDA and such. My cousin...not so much. She's not too big on the PDA and always says that she's not all that materialistic and finds it more romantic if a guy was to offer to pick her up from the airport than buy her a new bracelet. Well anyway, the two of them were out and about with another couple who they often double date with and were in line at the movies when he started to hug her from behind and hold her hands. She told him not to because she needed to buy her ticket and he pointed out that she wasn't next in line anyway so why stop? She pointed out (this was all rather light hearted I should point out) that he knows she doesn't like that sort of thing anyway to which he quipped 'yeah I know, but I'm working on getting you to come round to my way of thinking' And so that's what she's been thinking about - the fact that he's not really accepting of her ways and wants to change her to make her more like him. What do we think about this? Is it acceptable or not so much? Personally I'm not sure, I don't really know this guy. But the idea in general I personally don't agree with. If you like someone surely you should like them for who they are and not who you want them to be? An ex of mine used to want me to wear a waistcoat when we went somewhere fancy. I personally don't like wearing them (I have a weirdly long torso and find that waistcoats in my size are always a little on the short side) so I would refuse, she kept on at me about it, even suggesting we go buy one together but I just didn't want one! (we broke up in the end, although not due to this ) So yeah - let's get a bit of a discussion going yeah? Has anyone ever been in this position? Be it wanting to change something or having someone want to change you? And what's our overall opinion? Cheers guys! Usually, if you care enough about someone, you will want to at least try to change for them or compromise in some way.
DivorcedDad123 Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Hopefully,the bf will grow a pair and find someone who appreciates the things he does instead of trying to change him. I'm sure there are many women out there that would like his affection. Instead,he's wasting it on someone who wants to mold him into "her way of thinking". So,no would be my answer,but I'm pretty headstrong and stubborn. Someone trying to change me will just make me walk away. Take it or leave it.
SeelBubble Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 I can relate to the cousin in this story. As someone who isn't a big fan of touchy-feely/PDA I would hate it if a guy tried to get me to come round to his way of thinking - heck it could be Chris Hemsworth hugging me like that and I'd still feel uncomfortable! So I think no, you shouldn't change someone however I do think it's a good idea to compromise or find middle ground with your partner so everyone feels happy
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