cam72 Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Has anyone ever fallen in love with a bad dresser? I really care about this guy and we love each other. However, sometimes I am embarassed at his dressing. Has anyone sucessfully jelped someone dress better without putting them on TLC's "What Not to Wear". I like him on the inside. But let's face it, guys usually give a rats a$$ about appearance. He is attracted to me for mine I would like to be attracted to him for his but sometimes he makes it really damn hard.
faux Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Does the guy look like he picked up some random rags in a dumpster, or does his clothing have huge holes and rips in it, and unbearable stains? Does he always wear sweat pants and tube top shirts? If not, just deal with it. You might be able to tell this guy that you think he has absolutely no taste in style. As for "style", I could give about it. If I look decent, that is good enough for me. I don't feel that it's necessary to go out and buy $50 pairs of jeans, $100 shoes, and $40 shirts just to look nice. Hopefully, you don't think that way. If this guy is just wearing boots, jeans, and T-shirts, and you are complaining, there is something seriously superficial going on with you. If the guy really does look terrible, you might have something worth arguing about. Now seriously, just how bad does this guy dress? The more details you give, the better; I'm curious to know if you have a legitimate complaint here, or if you are just obsessed with trendy fashions.
moimeme Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 I've gone shopping with people and helped them pick out stuff that looked terrific on them. Even they admitted it They don't have to be 'trendy' clothes, just clothes that fit well and suit the person's style and colouring. And, of course, are kept neat and clean. So maybe if he's going shopping for clothes, you can tag along - if he likes the idea. If not, there's not much you can do.
Author cam72 Posted April 17, 2005 Author Posted April 17, 2005 He lost weight recently and always wears pants a few sizes too big with a leather belt peeling severely with wear to hold the pants up. His shirts have usually have stains in them and sometimes small holes because they are very old and need to be replaced. He owns almost nothing but Khaki dress pants (I mean it, 90% of his wardrobe). He tucks his shirts in so everything is runched up around the waist looking like he has a diaper on underneath it all. Yestreday he just bought a pair of shoes and the heel is so large they look like a women's chunk heel. So he looks like a tall overweight guy with heels on! Yippee! Yesterday, he wore sandals with black trouser socks and a dress shirt and pants until I told him it looked awful with the socks. I have tried to buy him things but he doesn't like it when I buy him gifts. I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I think it bothers me so much of his feelings for me are that I am "beautiful" in his eyes. That I put an effort in for him and he doesn't give a crap about making an effort on his appearance. I am so attracted to him on the inside and the outside some days dissapoints me.
GirlDown Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Originally posted by cam72 He lost weight recently and always wears pants a few sizes too big with a leather belt peeling severely with wear to hold the pants up. His shirts have usually have stains in them and sometimes small holes because they are very old and need to be replaced. He owns almost nothing but Khaki dress pants (I mean it, 90% of his wardrobe). He tucks his shirts in so everything is runched up around the waist looking like he has a diaper on underneath it all. Yestreday he just bought a pair of shoes and the heel is so large they look like a women's chunk heel. So he looks like a tall overweight guy with heels on! Yippee! Yesterday, he wore sandals with black trouser socks and a dress shirt and pants until I told him it looked awful with the socks. I have tried to buy him things but he doesn't like it when I buy him gifts. I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I think it bothers me so much of his feelings for me are that I am "beautiful" in his eyes. That I put an effort in for him and he doesn't give a crap about making an effort on his appearance. I am so attracted to him on the inside and the outside some days dissapoints me. as for the stains, good grief. that's just slovenly. everything else... he is just clueless, i think, and badly needs your direction.
MadDog Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 In your situation as well as most others, I think it comes down to this : either love 'em or leave 'em. In other words, don't try to change the one you're with cause you find something wrong with them. Either accept them for who they are or just find someone else you can be happy with whom you don't have to try to change. For example, how would you react if I said, "I have a girlfriend whose personality I really love but she's a little overweight. If she would just work out a lot and get in shape, I'd be really happy. I even tried buying her a gym membership but she never goes." I'm sure I'd get a lot of hell for that one. What makes your situation any different? If I've learned anything, it's that as a rule, people don't change or are very resistant to it. You figure a person's personality took a lifetime to develop. It'll probably take a life-altering event to make any significant change occur so you might as well either appreciate the person in question as they are or move on. MD
moimeme Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 If I've learned anything, it's that as a rule, people don't change or are very resistant to it. You figure a person's personality took a lifetime to develop. It'll probably take a life-altering event to make any significant change occur so you might as well either appreciate the person in question as they are or move on. We are not talking about an essential character trait like honesty or integrity here. It's just a habit. Some people's bad dressing habits relate directly to their poor sense of self-esteem - they don't care for themselves so they don't bother trying to look nice. It can even be a sign of depression. Many people are open and adaptable to this sort of change because they don't consider it part of their personality - it's just a daily activity. Maybe he thinks little of his appearance because he was overweight and doesn't realize how much better he would feel about himself if he tidied himself up. I think in this case it would be a great kindness to take him in hand and help him out - it will make a difference in his work life and in other situations besides his relationship with you.
Author cam72 Posted April 17, 2005 Author Posted April 17, 2005 Yes, I do like seeing him naked . I think he is very handsome and downgrades his great physical attributes. I don't think it's depression. He just doesn't think about it. And I can't imagine how to tell someone something like that. He wants to marry me and I know the future years will frustrate me on many days we head out together.
westernxer Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Maybe you could talk to his mother about getting on his case. Mothers love doing this to their sons, no matter how old they are (I say this from observation and experience).
Author cam72 Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 Rrrr, he's 35 no way! Great way to get on his mom's bad side.
moimeme Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 If it's done in the context of 'sweetheart, do you know how GREAT you'd look (or even substitute 'SEXY') if you were to wear (insert nice outfit here), you can accomplish this.
Author cam72 Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 I guess that's the way to do it, though it will take a long time and he will always be a poor dresser. I can maybe improve things a little. Understand I love him, just not everything he does...mainly the dressing. I look past the weight, etc because no one is perfect. Looks are not the foundation of my relationship but it is an ingredient. When I mention something he usually tells me to kiss his a$$ and he doesn't care. But he actually will change the way he dresses after the brash comment back. I guess I was wondering if anyone has rehabilitated a bad dresser. It sounds like you have Moimeme?
Merin Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 I agree with Moi... tell him what you think would look really sexy on him and when he does wear something that he looks great in make sure you're letting him know how amazing he looks;)
BigB Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Is he still loosing weight? Maybe he's waiting to buy some new things once his weight get's where he wants it. It's expensive to buy clothes that aren't going to fit in a few months. He doesn't like gifts, so make sure to tag along when he goes shopping, maybe he'll be more receptive to your input if he's still buying his own clothes, but your helping pick them out. Use birthdays, and holidays as an excuse to buy him new clothes, but don't go hog wild and try to change it all at once, a new belt or a shirt is good, but not a whole new wardrobe at once. when you find pants, or a shirt that look good, suggest that you go with him and pickup some more of the same type or in different colors. (when I find something I like that fits well, I buy a bunch of them. I have about 5 pairs of the same khaki cargo pants, and about 5-6 solid colored t-shirts that are all the same brand) Don't try to force him to wear things that aren't "his style" we hate being told to wear things we don't like. Make sure the things you suggest or buy fit his taste. I'm a guy, and I'm a pretty simple dresser, (jeans, khaki cargo's, solid colored t-shirts, boots, etc.) but it's not hard to look nice if they are well fitting and don't have stains. I have 3 sisters, and I ask them for advise on clothes because I hate shopping, and I have no idea what looks good. Stains, and holes: Don't let him where them out, but be nice about it. "I'm sorry honey, this place were going to is nice, and that shirt has a hole, can you please change it?" ought to work. He'll probably be surprised how much better some nice clothes along with the weight loss can make him feel.
Groovy Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 That's awesome that he's losing weight! I know that's what you both had a goal for and bet he's happy!
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Would he go shopping with you? You could casually walk by a mens clothing dept and say something like "hey, this would look awesome on you!" and get him to try it on. My exH was always a pretty good dresser (I had a hard time buying him clothes - he's very picky too). My new guy has that hardworker look, always jeans, t-shirt with flannel or denim shirt over top....but he's great naked, hates shopping, but I love him the way he is and won't change him. If I can get him shopping it'll be for jeans that show off his great a$$ and shirts that show off his awesome shoulders!
brashgal Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 For the stained, raggedy clothing - occasionally slip one into the garbage (don't let him catch you!!), eventually he'll be forced to replace them. I have rehabilitated a couple poor dressers but they were at least a little interested in changing so it made it easier. I'll tell you that once they started getting compliments on their appearance they were more likely to dress more carefully and do more shopping. A little ego boost goes a long way.
Author cam72 Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by brashgal For the stained, raggedy clothing - occasionally slip one into the garbage (don't let him catch you!!), eventually he'll be forced to replace them. I have rehabilitated a couple poor dressers but they were at least a little interested in changing so it made it easier. I'll tell you that once they started getting compliments on their appearance they were more likely to dress more carefully and do more shopping. A little ego boost goes a long way. Sneaky...I like it! I wouldn't change hardly anything in his personality and think he is sexy, just not his clothes. I think it is a self esteem issue. He is getting colored contacts because I love his blue eyes and I think he is starting to think about little things that change his appearance as he feels better with the weight loss. Or maybe he just wants to impress me and like Moimeme said it's not considered "changing who he is". I finally told him today I think he is so sexy and there is little I want to change, but sometimes the weird attire itself isn't so sexy and I could do without the trouser socks with sandals or the pants ready to fall off him because they are 3 sizes too big. I'm attracted to him and love him either way but would be more attracted to him if he dressed a little better.
HoldOn Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 What did he say?? I also don't really like the way my bf dresses. Well, I mean he is always neat, but he could buy much better jeans that are not so light-colored and don't bunch up at the waist. Anyway, what I do is I go really overboard when he wears something I like and it works. He says next time he goes jeans shopping, I'll should go with him...
johan Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Dump him. He's no good for you. He'll do nothing but bring you down. Believe me, you'll be better off if you just make a clean break. Get out of there.
johan Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 I thought none was needed. I only ever use the winking one anyway. The rest of them are too corny. Except the one that's about to vomit. I like that one. To be honest the "bunny" one freaks me out. How everyone else sees bunny when I see hopping slug really worries me. But just to show I'm not to proud: I think she should dump him. He'll only bring her down into his pit of despair.
moimeme Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 How everyone else sees bunny when I see hopping slug Well right there's your problem. You need an entymology intervention. Because, my dearie, slugs don't hop They may slime and slither, but they don't hop. And I'm pretty sure they don't have ears.
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