GreenWellington Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 My girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me last night. I think I just need to vent and get this out. The situation: I needed a new room mate for next year to split rent given my financial situation. Plans fell through with my brother and best friend. I was left with two options: Either I move in with a Craig's list male room mate (of which my gf wanted me to) or move in with a girl that she and I both knew and trusted (I had known her for 3 years and she was never at all a threat to our relationship). She agreed at first when I mentioned it. The next day it was hell, and I was getting shredded to bits by her, saying I didnt consider her feelings, that I should've asked (of which I did, she even agreed to it). She basically is saying I wouldn't move mountains for her and therefore she will find someone else that can. She broke up for various reasons in the past. This is just so difficult because I did not want to end up with a room mate I didnt know taking a big risk, while I knew I wouldn't have problems with this potential friend. I feel lost, I don't know what to do. She is so angry and upset, saying I don't respect her and I don't care. It's the opposite, I love her and care for her immensely, but I didn't want to live with a stranger (only I would be affected, not her). I'm made to feel like disrespectful idiot, and I'm starting to think I was in the wrong by not going more slow about the entire situation. This would have never happened had I agreed to live with a craigslist room mate. I'm lost and need opinions of others. I'm not perfect, I have my issues and they've caused problems before in our relationship. I think she just had lots of insecurities about herself that were causing problems, and had been for our entire relationship (issues with self-esteem, abandonment, and love for herself. She was constantly seeking happiness from our relationship as her only source it seemed). tl;dr: Girlfriend of 1-year broke up with me because I chose to move in with a female friend rather than a random male stranger. I was made to feel guilty about it all, and I'm starting to think I'm in the wrong. Looking for opinions..
PegNosePete Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 After 1 year together maybe she was thinking it's time you moved in together. Moving another girl into your spare room instead, seems like a backwards step for your relationship... I'm not surprised she wasn't happy TBH...
Author GreenWellington Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 We had discussed this before, but she wasn't ready financially to move in and would never be able to pay her part of rent and expenses (she still lived at home). So that was not a factor in her decision (at least I wouldn't think so given the circumstances)
PegNosePete Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Hey I never said it makes logical sense. Just that's probably how she's feeling...
Author GreenWellington Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 You're right. She definitely voiced concerns about feeling like she was being ''replaced'' with another girl. I think she feels she would be stealing those experiences from her, experiences that she wanted to live with me first, rather than another girl. I totally understand where she's coming from, but she couldn't pay the bills, and she had voiced her opinion against it until this moment, I was stuck where I had to get a room mate out of necessity.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 It's not your job to guess how she is feeling. You're not a mind reader. It was her job to communicate to you that she was uncomfortable rather than having a fit after the fact and dumping you. If someone would rather walk away than work it out, then good riddance. You don't need that. You want an equal partner. Anyway, that's my opinion.
Fufu Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 I have this feeling that she already wasn't really happy in this relationship and this situation is sort of like a deal breaker for her. All I suggest is that you leave her alone and let her sort her own thinking out. If she doesn't trust you, no matter what you gonna do and say, the same old thing will repeat.
Author GreenWellington Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) Yeah I think you're right..I've had a few people tell me that. I think she was waiting for a reason to break up. She was always harsh on herself when she spoke of break ups when it came to guilt. I feel the situation deflected the guilt on me easily and made it 10x easier for her to justify everything so she doesn't feel bad herself..I think it was the cherry on the sundae. If she was already having a difficult time being happy in our relationship, I can definitely see this as tipping the boat over once and for all in her book. I'm just confused and sad. If I wouldve moved in with someone else, none of this would've happened. We'd be happily carrying on our relationship to this day. Edited April 17, 2015 by GreenWellington
Fufu Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 GreenWellington: Don't blame everything on yourself. Focus on moving on first
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