Zena_xx Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 I am completely lost and mentally exhausted. The amount of stress I’ve endured for the past 2 years of my life is more than what I’ve endured in the totality of the 23 years of my life. I got into a relationship with my boyfriend 2 years ago. Things were really good the first few months, we clicked really well and it seemed like we were both longing for someone like each other and had found the perfect match. Early into the relationship, however, I noticed that my boyfriend would get easily mad/moody . For an example, when we would meet up, sometimes it’d get late, and I knew he’d have work in the morning so I would tell him he should go home so he’s not tired for work the next day – and he would get upset at this thinking I didn’t want to spend more time with him, or if we were talking on the phone until 3 am – I would tell him to get some sleep, he’d get offended again. Other times, he’d get irritated if for an example I took longer than he did to reply to a text etc etc small things like that. I ignored that and felt I was not being a good enough of a girlfriend. 3 months into our relationship, I became aware of his close friendship with his ex – who this entire time I thought was just his ‘friend.’ Attempting to still be that ‘good’ girlfriend, I sucked up my feelings and trusted him to be friends with her. I tolerated all this for the next 4-5 months of our relationship, despite knowing that they hung out and how she was still in love with him. After that, I told him I couldn’t take it anymore, and he needed to cut ties with her for me to have a peace of mind. He did cut ties with her, but I was extremely bitter of all the things I had to go through as a result of his ‘friendship’ with her, and started to feel extremely insecure within our relationship. We argued about this issue back and forth for several months even after he cut her off – because I was an emotional mess. In December of 2014, he told me he had something to tell me which he had lied about previously to prevent me from overreacting. Shortly after he cut ties with her, I asked him about an incident where he went out to eat and the movies with a male friend because I had a feeling he went with his ex, not a male friend. He lied at the time and said it was a male friend, and in December of 2014 told me it was actually his ex and he was afraid to tell me because he thought I would overreact and nothing had happened between them two. When he told me this, I was extremely angry and cussed him out. Things between us remained rough for the next month as a result of this. He cried, asked for forgiveness etc etc. I eventually let it go, and we finally thought we had overcome all our differences as a result of his ex and all. Nevertheless, it’s been about 3 months since we ever spoke about the ex issue, but we still cannot manage to get through a WEEK without fighting over one thing or another, and I literally cry myself to sleep every night. I feel like he’s over-sensitive to things, and I just end up crying my eyes out because he gets really rude, yells at me, and constantly reminds me of how I’m doing everything wrong. For an example, Yesterday he got mad because we had planned to meet on Friday, but suddenly he wanted to meet on Thursday (yesterday) but I told him I wouldn’t be able to meet because I had things planned with my dad and he started going on about how the relationship is merely a convenience to me, and how he’s so frustrated that he can’t meet me often (we meet twice a week, he works part-time and studies, I work full-time) and how me not being flexible about my schedules shows that I’m not a priority for him etc etc. I told him that I made plans with my dad on Thursday, because we discussed we (him and I) would meet on Friday – and he told me it was my fault for not telling him beforehand that I had plans with my dad on Thursday blah blah blah. Anyways, I apologized to him, but he went on to say how he doesn’t give a sh*t anymore and how I never realize my mistakes, and then he got really rude, I started crying and completely had a mental breakdown last night. I have never explicitly wished to die in front of anyone before, but yesterday I found myself thinking about suicidal things, and he told me I was absolutely insane, and how I was selfish for getting in a relationship with him despite being mentally unstable… Little does he realize I wasn’t as mentally unstable as I am now due to how difficult this relationship is. He ended up saying that I need to seek help, and how I ruined HIS life by getting in a relationship with HIM and didn’t make my mental problems apparent early on in the relationship. I don’t even know if this post makes any sense at all. I don’t know what advice I’m looking for, but I swear I’m so mentally done, and he’s making it seem like the state I’m in is a result of all my own actions?
PegNosePete Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Wow, he sounds like a complete douche canoe. Lying, manipulating, twisting your words and being completely unreasonable. What do you get out of the relationship exactly? It sounds horrible. Why are you still with him? 1
Toodaloo Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 I got about half way before thinking why are you with him? Your young - far too young far all that stress. Go kick up your heals and have some fun.
Author Zena_xx Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 I'm with him because I've come to believe that I'm the problem, and everything is my fault one way or another. So whether I'm with him, or anyone else, my relationships will always turn out to be like this because I seem to be doing things wrong. But I don't know what to do to fix this or myself, I just feel like leaving him isn't the solution if it's just me who can't handle relationships.
PegNosePete Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 No, I can assure you that you definitely are not the problem. He is a manipulative douche nozzle. This is an abusive (emotionally) relationship and you're being made to feel like the victim. Get out now before the abuse turns physical.
Toodaloo Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 I'm with him because I've come to believe that I'm the problem, and everything is my fault one way or another. So whether I'm with him, or anyone else, my relationships will always turn out to be like this because I seem to be doing things wrong. But I don't know what to do to fix this or myself, I just feel like leaving him isn't the solution if it's just me who can't handle relationships. I thought that for many years and wasted them all... the only thing wrong is that you are lacking in the knowledge of your own self worth. Honey buck up your ideas and get out and start valuing yourself more before you waste all the years I did on men who are quite frankly a waste of space. What you are doing now is only going to lead to many years of unhappiness and you being used for everything you have got. Stop the cycle now before you end up old and crusty and wishing you had taken better care of yourself before... Trust me, been there done that and designed and wore several fetching t shirts... its no fun and very bad for your mental, physical and financial health...
hunk Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) I hate giving advice for situations like because you are making yourself miserable but I can almost guarantee you aren't going to do anything about it. Your situation is completely black and white. Leave this pathetic relationship = happiness. Stay in it = wasted life, wasted happiness, misery for NO reason. You're 23, in a completely preventable situation and you're literally inflicting pain on yourself for no reason. Break up with this idiot and stop wasting your life. Reading these kinds of stories is just sad and infuriating. Don't take offense from this by the way. I'm just trying to give it to you straight. Edited April 17, 2015 by hunk beh
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Wow, he sounds like a complete douche canoe. Lying, manipulating, twisting your words and being completely unreasonable. What do you get out of the relationship exactly? It sounds horrible. Why are you still with him? ^^Not much more to add to that. Except to say, good god, please end this insanity. Your mental and emotional health is at stake!
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 I hate giving advice for situations like because you are making yourself miserable but I can almost guarantee you aren't going to do anything about it. Your situation is completely black and white. Leave this pathetic relationship = happiness. Stay in it = wasted life, wasted happiness, misery for NO reason. You're 23, in a completely preventable situation and you're literally inflicting pain on yourself for no reason. Break up with this idiot and stop wasting your life. Reading these kinds of stories is just sad and infuriating. Don't take offense from this by the way. I'm just trying to give it to you straight. ^^This too!
azaleigha Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you really want to make this work, but are having trouble communicating well with each other. Are you close enough with your dad to confide in him and get his point of view about the relationship, or is there someone else you could talk to? I'm concerned about how this is affecting you emotionally - please be sure to reach out to someone for help if you need it. Hang in there!
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