shamen Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 In the last two weeks, I... 1) Have been dumped in a voice mail by a guy that I thought I was getting along great with. 2) Saw my long term ex of 4 years who was an alcoholic/drug addict and that left me crying for days. 3) Found out that my friend that I've probably been in love with for 2 years got married over a month ago. Totally crazy... I went to a party last night and met the kind of guy that I've been talking about meeting for years. Someone who was once punk rock boy but now has their sh*t together and has a real life, and he's my own age! Not an alcoholic or a drug addict, not a porno star. Just someone with whom I have a lot in common. He's not married, doesn't have a gf, totally single. We hung out for hours after the party, just talking, ate at a late night diner, drove around out of the city and listened to music. Kissed him, just for a couple of minutes at the end of the night. I can't believe how weird the world is. People always say that bad things come in threes... One of my gfs yesterday told me that because all of this has happened, because there was finality to all of these things, that something really good was going to come my way. Can't believe that it happened the same day. Completely not expecting it, just went out to be with my friends. I am so excited about this new guy! And he knows a lot of my friends, which helps me to know that he is actually a good guy.
Tony T Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Well, that's the way it happens...more often than we know. I love parties. Don't know why I wasn't there.
Author shamen Posted April 17, 2005 Author Posted April 17, 2005 I guess that I shouldn't be too surprised... I just talked to one of my gfs and she asked me, "Was that the first time that you met him? We love him!" Can't believe that I haven't met him already. Guess it just wasn't the right time, eh? Too bad you weren't there! We had a great time!
johan Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 I'm happy for you. Of course, one night isn't enough to know him well enough. But that kind of excitement is hard to beat. Now you get to go through the "really getting to know you" phase. Hope you like everything you discover.
Three of Swords Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Wow Shamen - wonderful! (that's me doing a happy dance for you) Hey if it's true that all things happen in threes, I guess it's my turn next then. (Sweet something to look forward to.) Keep us posted. B.
Three of Swords Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Yikes - just got off the phone with the former hubby and he wants to take me to dinner after work. He offered to drive me around to help me find a house to rent WTF? And shortly I am going in to work and will see the guy that I was trying to have a 'relationship' with. And was hoping he would suggest hanging around after work today. I AM CONFUSED!!! (If I am hijacking the thread here - let me know and I will start another one).
quankanne Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 remember, it's the manure that is heaped on soil that bears beee-you-tee-full flowers! am thrilled about your good news, shamen ~ enjoy yourself. three, just hang in there!
RecordProducer Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Shamen, be very careful! You are obviously in a phase when you desperately need love. That's the phase when the worst mistakes happen. You're ready to fall in love with the "first" guy who shows some affection. And he might be the wrong one. Try to take things easily and not depend on men emotionally so much. I am talking from my own experience and this "readiness for love" is known in psychology, it's not something I made up. Try to fill in the emptiness with various things that will drag your attention off your eagerness to be one with some man. Don't let a man in your heart fast. The more you need love the more it runs away from you. Live your life as if you're doing great on your own. When you catch yourself thinking about him 24/7 - it's a warning sign!
moimeme Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Yeah, Shamen. I'm a tad worried about ya here. It seems you're just ripe for falling for someone to fill that gap. He may be terrific according to your friends, but still not terrific for you. Try not to get too caught up too rapidly.
meanon Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 A very short hiatus . Good news, shamen. You'll be cautious, I'm sure, just as you were with the Insignificant Other but it's best not to hide from life and love. Go for what you want when it feels right, when you feel able to trust him. Meanwhile, have fun. I saw your other thread about your ex. We learn most about ourselves through our relationships with others. Love is an extreme, mutual form of appreciation. You missed him because (despite the issues) you remembered why you liked him in the first place and he, you. The reminder of the positive love can bring was timely, particularly after having your most recent experience. Maybe it's one of the reasons you liked a nice guy, for a change.
Author shamen Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 Don't worry everyone. I'm going to take things really slow... promise! We have a lot in common, backgrounds and all. I will be very careful. No sleeping with him in the first couple of weeks. OK, yeah, the hiatus isn't exactly what I expected it to be, but I'm not going to not see this guy just because the timing is a little weird. This one is different somehow, I'm thinking it's not a gap thing. I'm not going to try to over-analyze this one, because it just felt right. I get asked out on a fairly regular basis when I'm out and most of the time I just say no. I had no desire to say no to him when he suggested that we hang out. I'm sure that I sound like I'm just jumping into this here, but I am going to take it s-l-o-w. I just want to be happy that I was able to see and interact with a nice guy for once. Which for me, is pretty uncommon these days. I've never thought about a man that I've dated 24/7. Yuck. I spend a lot of time with my gfs and all and this is not going to change that part of my life. I'm an independent woman. Thanks everyone for the concern. I promise I'll do my very best to be careful and take it slow. Three, Ugh! Men can be so infuriating. Hopefully your good luck is just around the corner.
Three of Swords Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by shamen Three, Ugh! Men can be so infuriating. Hopefully your good luck is just around the corner. Hopefully..... Quick up date - the one at work avoided me like the plague and the hubby asked me to dinner to ask me for a divorce ....... B.
Author shamen Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 Three, God! What a pain in the butt! He asked you to dinner to ask for a divorce? God... couldn't he have just talked about that somewhere else? But where though? Have you had your 3rd weird thing happen yet? An update on me: Heard from him yesterday. We have a date set up for Friday night, I'm excited! We're going to dinner. Johan, I totally hope that I like everything I discover about him. You're right, it is definitely the "getting to know you phase."
HoldOn Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 I'm going to take things really slow But you already kissed him...
Author shamen Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn But you already kissed him... But it was just a couple of minutes, if that, I swear. Years ago I would've already slept with him by now! Seriously, a little kiss for me at the beginning of something is very little indeed.
Three of Swords Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by shamen Three, Have you had your 3rd weird thing happen yet? Not yet - How are things going w. the getting to know you?
blind_otter Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Awesome I am happy for you shamen. Of course 1 month into my fling I had the talk and now I am feeling all freakishly insecure about everything. Ain't love grand. If it's not one thing, it's another. Well as my Dad says, if you can laugh at it you can live with it.
Author shamen Posted April 22, 2005 Author Posted April 22, 2005 Three, Things are going really well with the getting to know you thing. We hung out already (before the official first date) and it was really great. It's almost frightening how much we do have in common. Really good guy so far. He's taking me out tonite, on a Friday. God, I don't remember the last time that I was willing to give up a Friday for a first date. He's a cool cat. Looking forward to tonight's date... B_O, TX for the happiness! I am happy too, but really raw. I laid a lot of sh*t out on the table last week when I met him. Let him know that I'm in counseling right now and that I've just started dealing with a lot of crap that happened to me when I was younger for the first time. Let him know that I'm raw right now and kinda messy emotionally. Told him flat out that I'm dealing with the rape... Never have done anything like that before where I was so brutally honest up front about what's up. And he didn't run away. I'm glad for you too in that you're letting yourself feel something. I completely understand that need to run and the idea of the fling. I've been there on and off for ages... Your dad's a smart man.
HoldOn Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Shamen, remember your promise and take it slow!! Also, let's try to avoid talk about your "issues" and have a good time.
Author shamen Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 HoldOn, Slow, I was. All is good. We had a good time, but I do think that I got a touch of food poisoning from the sushi. Crap! You're right, I do need to not talk about the issues that I'm experiencing right now. I caught myself starting to do it last night and thankfully I took a step backward after I realized that I was talking about it. Ugh. Don't know why I even started talking about it again! Oh well, I think that I saved it. Wish that I had read your post last night.
HoldOn Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 Oh well, nobody's perfect. At least you went slow! Are you going out again?
Author shamen Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 Yes, we are going to see each other again. His work schedule is totally opposite of mine, so our schedules don't mesh real well, but we are going to get together early this week. Think that we'll be our age (mid 30s, ) and watch movies at his house this time, since I've got to get up so early. I can only go out and party like a rock star on the weekends! Seriously though, he's a good conversationalist. Get the feeling that he's way into me. I'm going to keep my independence and hang out with the girls and hang out with him separately. Hope that he doesn't get offended. I'll hang out with him with my friends too, but I just don't want him thinking that he'll be invited to all my functions with the girls. He wanted to see me tonight, I was like, dude, I have plans with the girls!!! It's funny how many people that we both know and that we've never met each other. He's probably a little more ready for something serious to happen than I am, he took some time off of dating for a while. Timing on my end is bad, which kinda sux, 'cuz I know that I do like him, I just need to maintain serious independence too. Regardless of how far in I am in any relationship, I try to keep my own life too, separate from the beau. Dam*, problems already in my head!
HoldOn Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 I try to keep my own life too, separate from the beau. Absolutely! this is the key to good relationships. You have to have your own life and give him a chance to miss you.
Author shamen Posted April 24, 2005 Author Posted April 24, 2005 I'm glad that you agree with me! I am definitely not one of those girls that feels like she needs to be with the guy she's dating at every possible outing. Sometimes I worry that guys think that I'm too independent... I really need to have time without them. My last couple of long term bfs were away a lot for work. This guy lives and works in town most of the time. Does travel sometimes for work, but not as often as the last couple of people that I've dated. So, I'm imaging that there will be a little bit of an adjustment for me with him wanting to hang out more often as I'm so used to whoever is my SO being out of town a lot. I have no problems seeing a SO a couple of times a week, max.
HoldOn Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 Sometimes I worry that guys think that I'm too independent... ha! When's the last time a guy broke up with a girl for NOT smothering him? Guys like their space. If he wants more time with you, he can propose. You have a right to have an independent life anyway. The guy's job is to pursue and the girls job is to put the brakes on and keep the relationship paced. All you should do is: don't change your life for your bf, don't break plans with friends to be with him. Just live your life and let him fit into it... don't rewrite your WHOLE life around him. It's all about balance. Don't let him guilt you into spending every second with him. Just be super nice and say "I'd love to come over tonight, but I am sooo busy doing such and such!" I'm not saying that you should turn him down just for the hell of it, but if you are actually doing something or if you just want to be alone. Just be very nice about it and use nice words to do it. As an example, When I lived in the same town as my bf, we went out twice a week. That's it. Unless there was a special event or something. It gave us time to miss each other and time to have our separate lives. Now we're long distance, but I am moving in with him for the summer. (After dating for 1.5 years. I really believe in taking it slow.)
Recommended Posts