Wisecrack Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 She's my best female friend. He's a lad from our boys circle. They shacked up after she became single and have lasted a good few odd years. Sometimes I wonder as I could have been that guy that night. I was not the man I have become today. Lately though, seems like there's trouble in paradise. She increasingly wants something more serious I think i.e. asking him where she sees 'them' or him in 10 years time. Unfortunately his answers have been he simply does not know or does not see anything. Even suggesting a breakup, he's told her to make the decision to stay or go. The biggest thing is she's started looking to move out but; without him. He's always been jealous of how close I am with my female friend but I've always made it clear I want them both to live happily ever after. Unfortunately I don't see how I can talk to him either as I can see him taking it the wrong way especially since she's confided in me this. I've tried to remain as neutral as possible. But I've still told her to do what makes her happy and for her to ask herself if she is happy and what she wants in her life. I feel bad though as I'm on the way up; chasing career opportunities, forging networks etc and trying to relate that to her may have seemed like I was telling her to leave him. So what do I do? I feel it will be a long time coming watching it all unfold slowly but at the same time, if (as I always do i.e. bringing people together after they've talked to me) they patch it up, I'd be just as happy for them.
Toodaloo Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 In answer to your question yes. You do stand back and watch them fall apart. You remain neutral and supportive to both. You listen but do not allow yourself to be drawn in. You maintain distance. There are 2 sides to every story and to be blunt, she may be using you as an emotional crutch while she is hurting... It doesn't mean that there is anything there. You can still talk to your male friend. It sounds as though you are secretly hoping that they will so you can make your move though... Dangerous position to be in. If that is the case you should back off from both and allow them to make the choices they need to make themselves. Given time it may work. If you move too fast then it will cause much distress to all. Step back. 2
Buddhist Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 You butt out and leave them to it. And yes you do stand by and watch them break up if that's what's going to happen. You get no say, no buy-in to whatever they've got going on. Simple as that. 2
Author Wisecrack Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 In answer to your question yes. You do stand back and watch them fall apart. You remain neutral and supportive to both. You listen but do not allow yourself to be drawn in. You maintain distance. There are 2 sides to every story and to be blunt, she may be using you as an emotional crutch while she is hurting... It doesn't mean that there is anything there. You can still talk to your male friend. It sounds as though you are secretly hoping that they will so you can make your move though... Dangerous position to be in. If that is the case you should back off from both and allow them to make the choices they need to make themselves. Given time it may work. If you move too fast then it will cause much distress to all. Step back. No, as much as I've admitted I'd entertained the thought of us together from ages when her family had jokingly wished she'd dated me, I'm giving it a pass. More so I'd rather maintain peace between the ranks to keeping her as a friend as opposed to a love interest because I know I am one who breaks womans hearts. Rather I just needed some insight as I needed an outlet rather than keeping the secrets she has afforded me over these years.
Toodaloo Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 If someone tells you a secret then you should really keep it. If you don't want to hold that secret then you should ask them not to tell you. Mind you none of us know you so I guess its ok... Don't get involved you will end up messed up. Be firm with it.
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