SearchingForMyself Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Yesterday I thought that after 2 years of healing, living life, and moving on, I though I would go check my ex's page. Think that was a mistake. Thought I was ready to accept it. The guy she cheated on me and left me for, is getting engaged to her. I saw everything. At first I thought I was okay with it. But I wasn't. . I logged off and blocked her. I can't get the memories out of my head. I can't get her out of my head. She did me so wrong. I was lied to for months about the affair. I turned into a stage 5 clinger trying to get answers and in the end, he told me, not her. All I got from her was "I gave you hints! What was I supposed to do?" Indicating that I should have known she wanted out. So why does it hurt? I've been in NC for two years. I thought I'd be over this. I was 22 and her 24 when we broke up after a 3 year relationship that started in college. Part of said relationship was ldr.
preraph Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Getting crapped on is always painful and bitter aftermath. But one thing you will be glad of one day is that you did not marry and have kids with her and THEN this happened, because it would have been a hundred times worse and you'd be stuck with her for life because of the kids. Thank your lucky stars you found out before children. Realize most women would not do that to you. Realize most women would break up with you and not just let you hang on floundering like she did. Realize another woman will love you one day and treat you right, and try not to let this color your attitude toward future women. Look for red flags early on in the relationship. If you're giving way more than she's giving, stop giving. If she isn't reliable, that's a red flag. If you seem to be the one trying hardest, that's a red flag. Bail early.
minimariah Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 sometimes - you can be over someone but not over the situation. the fact that it still bothers you seeing her moving on and happy doesn't necessarily mean that you're still not over HER but that you're still hurt by the way things ended. you can be bothered by the injustice - the fact that the person who did you wrong is seemingly living her live, being happy. in reality - you were dealing with a woman who wasn't some kind of teen or a child & she STILL couldn't handle the situation like an adult. you weren't married, you didn't have kids - and she STILL struggled to leave the relationship. and on top of everything, she had another dude handle HER relationship & HER business? you dodged a huge bullet, trust. keep moving forward, you'll see it for what it really is one day & you'll feel nothing but happiness when you remember her or see her KNOWING that she's someone else's problem now.
toolforgrowth Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. It's only a matter of time before she cheats on him. He's marrying a known cheater. Can't say he really won himself a prize, if you know what I mean.
Author SearchingForMyself Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. It's only a matter of time before she cheats on him. He's marrying a known cheater. Can't say he really won himself a prize, if you know what I mean. Its funny you should mention that. After she left me for him(in which he had to tell me himself what had happened) he had left to go somewhere and she came back to me, apologizing and saying she was wrong. Thinking they had broken things off, we slept together. He came back and suddenly I was an after though. Supposedly she had told me he had cheated on her and it upset her. Seeing her engaged to him, while I'm single, struggling, and on a series of bad dates...now whenever I think about her and him, it stings. A part of me is sad that it ended so horribly. How horribly you may ask? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/474284-feel-so-betrayed-how-deal-loss. The original thread.
Author SearchingForMyself Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) sometimes - you can be over someone but not over the situation. the fact that it still bothers you seeing her moving on and happy doesn't necessarily mean that you're still not over HER but that you're still hurt by the way things ended. you can be bothered by the injustice - the fact that the person who did you wrong is seemingly living her live, being happy. in reality - you were dealing with a woman who wasn't some kind of teen or a child & she STILL couldn't handle the situation like an adult. you weren't married, you didn't have kids - and she STILL struggled to leave the relationship. and on top of everything, she had another dude handle HER relationship & HER business? you dodged a huge bullet, trust. keep moving forward, you'll see it for what it really is one day & you'll feel nothing but happiness when you remember her or see her KNOWING that she's someone else's problem now. She was a severe conflict avoider. If she had a problem she'd send someone to deal with it. I shouldn't be surprised that he was the one who had to tell me. I saw how she treated her friends. I saw the glaring red flag and I still chose to ignore it, thinking that it won't happen to me. Considering I was the one who had to resolve many of her conflicts with friends. When I asked her why she cheated...she said "I dropped so many hints for you to break up with me but you wouldn't take them!". Lied to me for weeks about this guy. On the phone, when i caught her cheating, she just said " He's good, you're not. Things change." Took me all of myself not to do anything rash but I cried all night. It was my first relationship and thus my first heartbreak. Edited April 17, 2015 by SearchingForMyself
Bohonia Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Be glad you found out before you married her and had children with her. Don't torture yourself over someone like that. No offense to her but those are girls you play with until a good woman comes along. See the situation for what it was a blessing, she'll cheat on him and the next and so on...
Author SearchingForMyself Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 Cept as far as I know, he has cheated on her.
LifeWasted Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Don't be sad. Be glad. Be glad this cancer is gone from you. You know in your soul,there is no way this marriage will work out for her. He's a cheater, she's a cheater. They will consume one another, spit each other out and stalk their next prey.
TrevorDia Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 It hurts because love hurts. It shows maturity that you feel anything other than indifference for someone you once cared about. And though it may suck now, you came out the ultimate winner, I mean, he's got a lying cheating evasive lass, and you're free from the stress. I've had my fair share of cheating lying abusive girlfriends, I've even tried the "just friends" route with some of them, but it still resonates with me on some level when I see my ex happy and in a new relationship. Just keep going with your life, because it can only be all the better by not having her in it.
SycamoreCircle Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 You don't realize it now, but in a number of years you're going to look back on this and be glad it happened. You were involved with a messed up person. And this most recent discovery should solidify in your mind just how messed up she is. The real person to pity here is the guy who stepped into your shoes. This nitwit is looking for a world of hurt. He's engaged to her? He's already cheating on her? I've said it before and I'll say it again---love is never born from deception. There's no way around that. Take a breath. Read other people's stories on LS. Consider this experience a high-priced sentimental education. You've already begun to flesh out the profile of a cheater. You know that people with poor boundaries who are conflict avoidant often fall into this category. What other red flags can you detect? Look for patterns. This will all benefit you in the future. You're going to be O.K. 1
minimariah Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 She was a severe conflict avoider. If she had a problem she'd send someone to deal with it. I shouldn't be surprised that he was the one who had to tell me. I saw how she treated her friends. I saw the glaring red flag and I still chose to ignore it, thinking that it won't happen to me. Considering I was the one who had to resolve many of her conflicts with friends. When I asked her why she cheated...she said "I dropped so many hints for you to break up with me but you wouldn't take them!". Lied to me for weeks about this guy. On the phone, when i caught her cheating, she just said " He's good, you're not. Things change." Took me all of myself not to do anything rash but I cried all night. It was my first relationship and thus my first heartbreak. what a deranged b*tch! sweetie, let it go. you're LUCKY that this monster is out of your life!
Recommended Posts