todreaminblue Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 i think it really depends on the couple dynamic i think too much time too early is not good...but then i have had guys want to be with 24/7 from the onset of dating....nights over turn into weeks over.......and it makes me feel a little trapped.....i like a little breathing space.....especially early on.... for me perfection would be twice a week to start and then increase to maybe four times a week with daily contact...no sleep overs.........not hours on the phone but .....contact...a hows your day a good morning a good night......that sort of thing....i wont live with a guy again unless he marries me....and for me its no sex till marriage....but time spent together....im going a different way to all my other relationships......and i really feel this time im gonna get it right.... i will say hey tonight i just want to read a book do you mind if we go out another night?.....and say how i feel....i will make compromises....but not just one way all the time.....and what i feel is important too...now i just have to remember that...deb
piggyoink Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Every 3 days isn't a lot for two people that are compatible.... 3
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 ^^^^ Hmm.. Sexual chatting during the week plus three straight days a week of sex on demand Fri - Mon morning. Sounds like more than enough to get both your needs met. Explain to me how that even remotely relates 2x a week with 3-4 days in between? BTW - I'm extremely disappointed in how judgemental you're being Katie when you don't know what my relationship is like, what the situation is, or everything I've done to show my GF that I care about her. Well, I'm extemely disappointed (shocked is more like it) in how you would even consider breaking up with a girl you *claim" to care about .... because she isn't available to satisfy your sexual urges more than twice a week .... due to working all day, a 4-hour commute .... in additition to taking care of mom and disabled older sibling! Could you be any more self-absorbed? Ugh. Instead of *considering* breaking up with her, put you damn sexual urges aside for a second and try *considering* what SHE is going through. If you truly do care about her, as you claim, instead of whining about the situation (which you are doing)..get creative! Propose other ways of getting your *needs* met... as my boyfriend and I did! You have been exclusive for what, one month? Good grief, if you are gonna have a healthy, well balanced successful relationship with any woman, quit being so damn rigid, demanding and self-absorbed... and try exercising some patience and understanding for a change. Another ugh. Your "it's my way or the highway" attitude won't get you very far, and I would not be surprised if her refusal to see you more often is a subtle message to you that she's on her way out anyway. Pfft. 1
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 You're a first class jerk but first class jerks do well getting girlfriends which stinks. They may be successful in "getting" them... but that does not mean they're successful at "keeping" them! As I am convinced is the case here. She's on her way OUT ...as well she should be.
jen1447 Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 In defense of fitnessman (without actually endorsing his tactics lol), he does lead with this routine, so it really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) Well, I'm extemely disappointed (shocked is more like it) in how you would even consider breaking up with a girl you *claim" to care about .... because she isn't available to satisfy your sexual urges more than twice a week .... due to working all day, a 4-hour commute .... in additition to taking care of mom and disabled older sibling! Could you be any more self-absorbed? Ugh. Instead of *considering* breaking up with her, put you damn sexual urges aside for a second and try *considering* what SHE is going through. If you truly do care about her, as you claim, instead of whining about the situation (which you are doing)..get creative! Propose other ways of getting your *needs* met... as my boyfriend and I did! You have been exclusive for what, one month? Good grief, if you are gonna have a healthy, well balanced successful relationship with any woman, quit being so damn rigid, demanding and self-absorbed... and try exercising some patience and understanding for a change. Another ugh. Your "it's my way or the highway" attitude won't get you very far, and I would not be surprised if her refusal to see you more often is a subtle message to you that she's on her way out anyway. Pfft. Hmm.. I haven't made sex a priority whatsoever. In most cases, even when I focused on one woman, I'd have sex with her for a few months before becoming exclusive. With my GF, I became exclusive before sex happened. Then after sex started happening, I planned multiple public dates, where I dropped her off at her place with just a kiss. If my sole focus was sex, I would have had every date end at my apartment. Then we agreed that sex would be even better bareback. So I willingly put a hold on sex, and had no issue when she wanted to wait longer to start birth control not to mess with her cycle. If I was sex starved, I'd be using a condom with her until then. Not waiting an additional 2-3 weeks. Finally, if I only wanted sex, would I bring up wanting to see her more, BEFORE sex started happening again? But the other night was the first time we ever discussed frequency on a long term basis. So when she said that she wasn't sure if she could "ever" give me more than a few times a week, it gave me pause. Not being a "whiner". Just looking at it objectionably. I have a high libido and she won't be able to ever see me that much. In a long term relationship, I want a full healthy sex life, and I won't apologize for that. Since I care about her, I don't want to set her up for eventual resentment on my part. I mean I suppose I could be like one of those guys that hides my concerns, continues to date/have sex with her until I get sick of the situation, and then dump her out of nowhere. But if you care about someone, and have concerns, the honorable thing is to express them in the beginning when you first have them. Real "whiners" act passive aggressive, complain, and never take action. All I have done, is come on and express initial concerns with every intention of talking to my GF the next time I see her. Edited April 17, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Vintage79 Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 This situation seems destined for failure. You have a guy who tries to pretend that he's into things other than sex (i.e. will tell you that he became exclusive before, waiting for birth control, whatever), but the second he catches wind that he may get a bit less sex than he wants in the near term, he wants to jump ship. He's putting on a ruse and it backfired. OP - you're going to have to deal with this and come to terms with what actually matters to you. This entire thread screams that sex is the trump card, and that while you want other things to matter (or you at least put on a show to convince the girl that other things matter to you), in reality, they take the backseat to sex, you're lying to yourself and not being honest with your girlfriend (who you probably classified as such too soon). I'm not saying that wanting more sex is a problem, but you have to come to terms with that, accept it, and move on to someone knew if the frequency isn't sufficient with the current girl. Realistically, the girl you're dating is not really in a situation to offer a whole lot more right now given her commitments to her family and work. That situation can change on a longer time scale, but it's the reality of the situation in the near term, so you're going to have to either deal with it (and stop complaining about it), or move on. I think it's pretty ridiculous to plan on having 2 dates a week and then plan on 2 weekly quickies to get your rocks off because you wouldn't be happy otherwise - it just comes across as shallow, single minded, etc., and if you propose it, she likely won't respond too well to it, because she'll realize that all of your effort to pretend that sex isn't the trump card was really a ruse to get more sex... 1
BikerAccnt Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) I'm not judging and it has nothing to do with me. Just making an observation on the numbers. I'll be the first to say that sex frequency, has nothing to do with the quality of sex two people are having. Two people could be having earth shattering sex once a week. However, if both people are fine with 1-2x a week, then their libido probably isn't very high. That's not necessarily a bad thing if they're fine with it. But people with higher libido's want to see their partner and have sex more often. I am fine with sex 1-2 times a week, and I consider myself to have a high libido. Just because I don't have sex more than once or twice a week doesn't mean I don't want it. Hell, we actually have gone a couple of weeks without sex due to scheduling issues; family, children, etc. If you really care about someone...other things in a relationship can take precedence over sex every time you meet. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I'm interested in a relationship that goes deeper these days. I don't need to have sex every time I see my GF, even if I'd like to. AND believe it or not, there are times I just like to see her, and don't want to have sex. I just want to see and be with her. Edited April 17, 2015 by BikerAccnt 1
No_Go Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Katie, this reads as rude The gf lives 10 MIN away... I don't see how her busy schedule will preclude her from occasional 1 h "visits". People seem to be conditioned so badly AGAINST sex... If the OP said he wants her to pop over for a short dinner or something, I suppose the reactions would be very different. Busy or not, if people want something, they make time. If not, they make excuses. Well, I'm extemely disappointed (shocked is more like it) in how you would even consider breaking up with a girl you *claim" to care about .... because she isn't available to satisfy your sexual urges more than twice a week .... due to working all day, a 4-hour commute .... in additition to taking care of mom and disabled older sibling! Could you be any more self-absorbed? Ugh. Instead of *considering* breaking up with her, put you damn sexual urges aside for a second and try *considering* what SHE is going through. If you truly do care about her, as you claim, instead of whining about the situation (which you are doing)..get creative! Propose other ways of getting your *needs* met... as my boyfriend and I did! You have been exclusive for what, one month? Good grief, if you are gonna have a healthy, well balanced successful relationship with any woman, quit being so damn rigid, demanding and self-absorbed... and try exercising some patience and understanding for a change. Another ugh. Your "it's my way or the highway" attitude won't get you very far, and I would not be surprised if her refusal to see you more often is a subtle message to you that she's on her way out anyway. Pfft.
CharmieF Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 For me I'd say about 3 times a week is about right. As someone else mentioned I have a busy life to juggle with work, commuting, friends, family and the occasional 'me-time' I'm quite a social person and not as independent perhaps as some people here but I like to vary my social interactions and seeing a girl more than 3 - 4 max times a week would probably result in me becoming bored easily - regardless of how great the girl is. A sort exception to my rule though is seeing her again during the week for a short activity i.e. getting lunch during her lunch break, or going to watch the rugby together - a sort of 1-2 hour activity that doesn't eat into the whole of my day is fine.
No_Go Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 The thing is in nearly every post you sound apologetic that it is not about sex... Almost like it is wrong or something like this if you want to see her for sex. It's really not (only time when I think is wrong is when the guy/woman make it clear that that is all that the other person can give me.. which is not the case obviously). The birth control issue is a little weird too - what's wrong with just using a backup method (e.g. spermicide) in this first month? I think the issue is she is NOT very interested for one reason or another. Maybe it has nothing to do with you... likely it does thought (else she would communicate the problem better). And I don't think the mismatch is in the libido itself.. Hmm.. I haven't made sex a priority whatsoever. In most cases, even when I focused on one woman, I'd have sex with her for a few months before becoming exclusive. With my GF, I became exclusive before sex happened. Then after sex started happening, I planned multiple public dates, where I dropped her off at her place with just a kiss. If my sole focus was sex, I would have had every date end at my apartment. Then we agreed that sex would be even better bareback. So I willingly put a hold on sex, and had no issue when she wanted to wait longer to start birth control not to mess with her cycle. If I was sex starved, I'd be using a condom with her until then. Not waiting an additional 2-3 weeks. Finally, if I only wanted sex, would I bring up wanting to see her more, BEFORE sex started happening again? But the other night was the first time we ever discussed frequency on a long term basis. So when she said that she wasn't sure if she could "ever" give me more than a few times a week, it gave me pause. Not being a "whiner". Just looking at it objectionably. I have a high libido and she won't be able to ever see me that much. In a long term relationship, I want a full healthy sex life, and I won't apologize for that. Since I care about her, I don't want to set her up for eventual resentment on my part. I mean I suppose I could be like one of those guys that hides my concerns, continues to date/have sex with her until I get sick of the situation, and then dump her out of nowhere. But if you care about someone, and have concerns, the honorable thing is to express them in the beginning when you first have them. Real "whiners" act passive aggressive, complain, and never take action. All I have done, is come on and express initial concerns with every intention of talking to my GF the next time I see her.
katiegrl Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) ff thanks for your response... and for not "jumping down my throat" ....as I realize my last response was quite harsh.. That said, I really want to help you out here if I can.. If my memory serves me correctly, you waited a bit before having sex, and then finally did --- ONCE. I recall your telling us she praised you for your *performance* - fabulous! After that you mutually agreed to go "bareback," choosing to WAIT before having sex again until the birth control "kicked in"? Which is where you are now - waiting for her BC to kick in. So as of right now, after having sex ONE time, you are currently NOT having sex. But yet you are complaining because seeing her two times a week is not enough to satisfy your sexual needs? How do you even know that...you are not even having having sex yet?! Why not wait until you are actually having sex when you get together ... before deciding that it is not enough? That is what is confusing about this whole thing. It is like you are complaining about something you *anticipate* might happen ...instead of waiting until it actually happens. Is it not possible that two times per week "will" be enough? Quality over quantity! Or is there something *else* that is botherting you? . Perhaps you are sensing her refusal to spend more time means she is not that into you, and you want to pull the plug before she does? You don't have to respond, but think about it. Edited April 17, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) Katie, I mentioned how well the first time went to prove that being patient over phone interaction can pay off. But that doesn't mean that was the only time we had sex..LOL We had sex a handful of times, and it was always more enjoyable than the last. But I also planned public dates with no sex too, to prove I didn't think of her as a piece of meat..LOL That is when we decided bareback would be more enjoyable. Now even though it's corny, I wanted to wait to make the sex more special. Kind of a new beginning in our relationship after birth control finalized. But I wanted to feel out the situation beforehand. So I mentioned starting with 3x a week now to let her adjust over the next 2-3 weeks. That way it wouldn't come off like "Now we're having sex way more, so I want to see you more" sort of thing. I'm trying to be realistic about it and think long term. If she had said, we'll have to stay with a few times a week for right now, and then down the road we can see each other more, that's one thing. But it's the way that she said "ever" that gave me pause. Since I have a high libido, I'd ultimately be unhappy having sex that infrequently for an entire relationship. Granted you didn't get to see your BF at all during the week. But you had three straight days in a row to have sex whenever you wanted. I imagine it went something like this : Fri - Sex when you got there, then 1-2 more times that night, Sat - Morning sex, plus a few times that night Sun - Off and on all day and maybe even Mon morning before you left Now having sex that much three days straight week in and week out, is a lot different than one time at the beginning of the week (she has to be up early for work) and 1-2 times 3-4 days later. So that's why I had a problem with you trying to compare the two when they really are miles different. Edited April 17, 2015 by fitnessfan365
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 Well, I'm extemely disappointed (shocked is more like it) in how you would even consider breaking up with a girl you *claim" to care about .... because she isn't available to satisfy your sexual urges more than twice a week .... due to working all day, a 4-hour commute .... in additition to taking care of mom and disabled older sibling! Could you be any more self-absorbed? Ugh. Instead of *considering* breaking up with her, put you damn sexual urges aside for a second and try *considering* what SHE is going through. If you truly do care about her, as you claim, instead of whining about the situation (which you are doing)..get creative! Propose other ways of getting your *needs* met... as my boyfriend and I did! You have been exclusive for what, one month? Good grief, if you are gonna have a healthy, well balanced successful relationship with any woman, quit being so damn rigid, demanding and self-absorbed... and try exercising some patience and understanding for a change. Another ugh. Your "it's my way or the highway" attitude won't get you very far, and I would not be surprised if her refusal to see you more often is a subtle message to you that she's on her way out anyway. Pfft. Katie, you're so cute when your posts show your frustrations with someone or something lol. Listen, I feel the same way you do about FF's situation.....up to a point. Note the parts of your post that I've highlighted in bold. You see, it won't be for just "a second" that he'll have to be putting his sexual urges (a seemingly extremely high libido) aside. She told him that she thinks she may NEVER be able to be with him MORE than *twice a week*. Plus, he's waiting almost a MONTH for her until she fixes her birth control issue. Also, he HAS proposed "other ways of getting his needs met"; and even I thought that she probably wouldn't go for it because of all her obligations during the week. You have to understand, that for some people, only having sexual intimacy (which is one of the ways guys show their affection and feelings for a woman) twice a week just isn't gonna cut it! It's just not enough. That wouldn't even be enough for me! I mean, I wouldn't break up with her right away if I were him, but, if what she told him turns into reality, then I just don't think it'd be fair to him (or to her) to continue on with this relationship. Maybe skyping while your BF jerked off was enough for the both of you, but, I'm getting the feeling that this won't be enough for FF. He said he'd rather be single than having to relegate to a, what could be a permanent, way of life with someone he's only been dating for a month. Just my two cents. ~ .
katiegrl Posted April 18, 2015 Posted April 18, 2015 (edited) Katie, you're so cute when your posts show your frustrations with someone or something lol. Listen, I feel the same way you do about FF's situation.....up to a point. Note the parts of your post that I've highlighted in bold. You see, it won't be for just "a second" that he'll have to be putting his sexual urges (a seemingly extremely high libido) aside. She told him that she thinks she may NEVER be able to be with him MORE than *twice a week*. Plus, he's waiting almost a MONTH for her until she fixes her birth control issue. Also, he HAS proposed "other ways of getting his needs met"; and even I thought that she probably wouldn't go for it because of all her obligations during the week. You have to understand, that for some people, only having sexual intimacy (which is one of the ways guys show their affection and feelings for a woman) twice a week just isn't gonna cut it! It's just not enough. That wouldn't even be enough for me! I mean, I wouldn't break up with her right away if I were him, but, if what she told him turns into reality, then I just don't think it'd be fair to him (or to her) to continue on with this relationship. Maybe skyping while your BF jerked off was enough for the both of you, but, I'm getting the feeling that this won't be enough for FF. He said he'd rather be single than having to relegate to a, what could be a permanent, way of life with someone he's only been dating for a month. Just my two cents. ~ . Hey BlackOps.... ..I wasn't feeling so cute while writing it...but thanks! Made me chuckle, and I needed that! :) But just to clarify, I only asked him to put sexual urges aside for a second to *consider* what his gf was going through. Considering something only takes a second, no? I think him having to wait a month to allow her BC to *kick in* is a legit concern for sure. Something going on there, and it has nothing to do with birth control. JMO Edited April 18, 2015 by katiegrl
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