boopityy Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Hello everyone. I have been with my sweetheart for 2 years now. We bet online, we were talking for 1 year texting and video cam and it was amazing felt amazing connection. Then i moved to a place next to her town looking for job there and she was visiting, to see if in reality we would be as great as, and it was as great. I felt and still feel she is the one for me, the love of my life. The good thing is that we always felt the same way, we grew our feelings together she loves me as much as i do. After 6 months we moved together and we have fun and so much in common. As all couples though we have problems. We rarely fight and that's good and we are comfortable with each other, but maybe too comfortable. (and i don't know why too comfortable is bad). Also we have never lied to each other about anything and we tell each other everything. Because even if something might hurt the other person, its better than keeping secrets that are ruining our lives. So far this works great and we have a true and sincere relationship. The problem is that its both our first relationship so we don't know how to do stuff right so i feel that we will end up breaking up. We don't know how to be romantic with each other and even though i try to compliment her, she never accepts them because she thinks she is not attractive enough but i keep telling her stuff and i believe them. The biggest problem is sex. We never had proper sex because it is always hurting after a while, so every time we have i just let her go her pace until in like 5 minutes that it starts hurting. We prepare before and we make sure that she is ready to have. But by now i think i made sex for her a hurtful experience in her mind. We are masturbating separately but we are open with that and whenever i try to pleasure he with the mouth and she never feels that good and i end up with a hurting jaw, she also never puts finger inside just rubs clitoris, it even hurts her to put 2 fingers inside even alone. Even though i have done a lot of research and tried many stuff can't find solution. We don't want to get experience after we break up and we just appreciate what we have right now. It drives me crazy that nothing is working. She now told me that she doesn't feel that sexually attracted to me as she used to (she says its not me or some change on me) but she still loves me very much and wants to find solution because she doesn't want to loose me. And i feel the same way like the spark is going away because we don't work that hard in our relationship and just have fun doing stuff together. We need to find a way to bring the spark back because without sex its really hard and we never really had the real spark. Just many failed attempts. We always use condoms and when we use lube it just burns her a lot. We don't have experience so she doesn't know how to seduce me (and she thinks its silly) and even if i know stuff . She doesn't even bother to shave now for me only for when we go out clubbing because as i said we are maybe too comfortable. Please help me I am going crazy, i love her more than anything and she loves me too very much and it would be such a waste. I am sure i won't find the same connection with another person, and i don't want to. But our inexperience is going to eventually ruin us.
PaperCrane Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Romantic gestures and intimacy should just come naturally from what you want to do. Feel like randomly buying flowers because 'you saw a flower store' or somesuch is nice. I've found a lot of girls that I've been with enjoy the routine bedroom times but also love excitement; such as going on a walk in the woods and finding a grove of trees and just making it happen. Follow your gut instinct. Usually with this type of stuff if it excites you but makes you a little afraid it makes for quite the fun time. The act of trying to force things is what drives it down, the having "I should do this/try this" instead of "I want to do this!" may be the killer here. Best of luck.
Author boopityy Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 We could do these stuff about sex randomly but as i said the problem is that we can't have. I don't know if she has a problem or its she doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore. :/
PaperCrane Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 We could do these stuff about sex randomly but as i said the problem is that we can't have. I don't know if she has a problem or its she doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore. :/ Maybe get it checked out by a doctor. Is she on any kind of birth control?
Gloria25 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 TIMO, there was never any "spark" to begin with... IMO, the "it hurts" on top of her comfortable being with a man she has barely any sexual attraction to means something else is going on. BTW, while she says 'now' she doesn't feel the sexual attraction you had when you first met/started dating, I think she's fibbing....she never felt it from day one. First she needs to go to the doctor - especially an OBGYN - and get a full examination to rule out any physical reasons...then, if still problems, then she needs to be honest if she was a victim of some sort of rape, abuse, assault. I mean the whole "it hurts" could be poor lubrication or her tensing up (probably cuz psychological barriers stemming from abuse, rape, etc.) So maybe also consider seeing a sex therapist cuz they can address mental/physical barriers and also teach you both how to have sex. But, at the end of the day, it's up to you...you can continue dating a "friend" and/or "roommate" instead of a "lover". I mean intimacy through sex - not just banging - is what bonds two people....while friendship and things in common are needed to create a solid base (the "cake") in a RL, you can't leave the sex (the "icing") off, cuz eventually the lack of sex will become the center of the problem in the RL (well, maybe not to her if indeed she has psychological issues that have not been dealt with).
Author boopityy Posted April 17, 2015 Author Posted April 17, 2015 I didn't say barely, i just said she was loosing it slowly and it is natural. If i can't satisfy her how can she think of me that sexually? She just associates our sex with pain maybe. If you would have found the ONE in your life would you abandon that person that easily? Yes we are not experience but why not try become more experienced together than find random people that are more experience and ruin everything? How can it be a mismatch in bedroom if we never actually had hard passionate sex because even slow it always hurts her? This is why all relationships are going to hell because we don't try to work on them we just wander around from relationship to relationship trying to find pieces to create a whole perfect person. On the emotional aspect we are amazing, if its a curable problem and we can solve is so we can have normal sex and turns out to be amazing wont it worth all the trouble?
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