Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 I hope you forgive me for possibly going slightly OT, but I think this sums up a lot of what not only you are experiencing but what a lot of people in general experience. Being online instead of face to face has given people many of the ideas below: 1. I can criticize as much as I want because I am typing it instead of having to say it to their face 2. I can browse an infinite number of possibilities, which somehow makes me feel entitled to be pickier than my actual dating value 3. I am hiding behind a screen, so I can be lazy about developing social skills like tact and grace and, well, basic human kindness 4. I take this aspect of one person and that aspect of another that I only know from the 2 dimensions of online, and I can fashion them into some impossible for a 3-dimensional person to fulfill ideal In other words, OP, the reason some of these women feel entitled to be critical, rude, or whatever else is the same reason many raised behind a screen feel they can do the same. They've been too busy posting rants on tumblr to learn any manners. Thats a great way of breaking it down as well!
autumnnight Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Thats a great way of breaking it down as well! Male, I'm old. 50 is closer than 40, and most of the interaction the majority of my life has been within arm's reach. It is just really in the last decade that I have experienced this ability to "say" things to someone in another time zone (or even across the international dateline). When I was in my younger years, you talked ABOUT someone who wasn't there instead of to them, which probably wasn't any better. But now people just type whatever they think in that moment HOWEVER they think it, and when someone gets hurt "I'm just blunt," or "If ya can't take the heat...." are the stock excuses (rather than an apology). I feel both sad for and in awe of the generation just after me. Sad because of the things that get said to them via a screen and in awe that they can actually take it. I'd be in a rubber room holding a stuffed bunny and rocking back and forth if my formative social years had been comprised of getting yelled at over a screen by virtual strangers 3
Gloria25 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Look, OLD is unfortunately like searching for a job now a days.... The HR people, even though they use technology to filter out resumes that don't have key words and/or score a certain way, are still swamped with too many resumes to look through and since they aren't seeing you in person, you have do make YOUR resume stand out from the rest. So, that's me when I'm flipping through OLD...it's "next, next, next, next, idiot, next". I say be yourself, but seriously, like a job interview, if "being yourself" means you like wearing pink tennis shoes, come on...you know you're not wearing that to a job interview. So, IMO, your profile and pic should not be a farse, but don't be surprised if you're not getting responses cuz your pics include you hugging a Hooters girl. Yes, amongst the pics I cannot stand is some guy with other women. So, you're saying that every woman wants you and I should be graced with you coming to OLD? Oh, and for the women who want pics of you doing this or that? Sorry, when I see that, it turns me off. Cuz, while I'm not a couch-potato, who has the time, money and/or energy to go skiing every weekend? Seriously dude, you go skiing every weekend? Oh, and the pic of him making silly faces..."next" cuz I don't date clowns. Oh, and his shirtless pics? Got it, you are looking for someone to boink, cuz shirtless pics are pretty much near penis pics - where you are showing me your "goods". Oh, and the pics at bad angles, frowny/upset faces? Dude, did you check those pics before you posted them? Oh, and the pictures of pets, the woods/mountains/sky. Ok, who am I trying to date, you or a pet or a mountain? Again, with OLD you gotta put work into your profile and pic cuz w/o that person actually meeting you, all they have IS your profile and pic to make a decision if you're worth their time. Trust me, sometimes I don't even click on the profile if the header pic is jacked up.....and, even then I'm still pushing (and often get cold feet) to meet in person cuz even "if" their profile got my attention and we exchange a few emails and/or chat - it isn't till you meet in person till you see "if" there is any chemistry and you get to find out if they put old/fake pics and/or lied on their profile. OLD sucks bags of poop... 1
truncated Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 maybe they want to see you doing something with others because it could indicate that you are sociable and friendly? I haven;t done the on line dating thing myself ( been married longer than it's been around) but ironically enough, but dad, who is in his 70's and widowed asked me to help him set up a profile for him. I will keep in mind what you said about looking social in his profile pictures...I don't think I'll advise him to put up any of him flexing in front of the bathroom mirror though:laugh: 1
preraph Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 What I would want to see in a male's online OLD pic is something showing that he is active and has interests beyond sitting in front of the computer masturbating to girls' online pics. The reason women care is because they aren't sitting in front of the computer masturbating to OLD photos online like men are and sex usually isn't their main interest in meeting someone or the most important characteristic they're looking for. 2
SolG Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 IRL it takes me very little time to know whether I want to date someone or not based purely on observation. I have to sense sme attraction, or end of story. (And I've posted this before... It's about a whole heap of pattern recognition, not just pure appearance.) Same on OLD. It comes down do I sense that I could be attracted to this guy... Or not. And pics are one of the main data points via the OLD medium. I prefer clothed pics because clothes and how they're worn tell me something. And I have to admit that I like travel pics being an avid traveller myself. And I prefer a pic that's overall visually pleasing; not blurry or stark. While I don't necessarily like group pics, I do like pics that give away a bit of personality. For me if I like the pic/s, then I'll read the blurb. The pic is the opening gambit, and in amongst a plethora of options it has to say something to grab my attention or I'll move right along. Not at all that different to IRL really.
Phoe Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Why do women care so much about what a guy is doing in the pics that he posts on his dating profile???? Women can post a pic of themselves do practically anything and everything, or nothing at all and guys will still message them. But if a guy doesnt post good socially active pics, then women tend to look at that as a blemish. I understand you need to have clear, presentable pics, thats a given, but I'm talking specifically about what you are doing in the pics. Why does a guy have to jump so many hurdles, proving his worth BEFORE he even starts a conversation with a woman? I personally don't pay much attention to pictures so long as the picture is not something ridiculous or really bad quality. Don't post some super blurry far away picture and hope I'm gonna know what's going on. And don't be doing something weird, and don't be shirtless... shirtless photos weird me out, or photos with random hand signs, I don't even know what that means... But just a standard photo that shows what the person looks like? Fine by me.
Bohonia Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 You can post whatever pictures you like. And I don't get the big deal either...but it seems to be one for you. I've never even seen an online dating website, but I imagine that maybe some women would like to see photos of you that show you have a social life or hobbies of some sort? I'm sure that not every woman you have spoken with has said this, and that you're simply latching on to the comments from the few that have. I'll just throw it out there that I'm still doubting that multiple women message you online just to tell you that you need different photos, but I'll play along. Some women may prefer different photos to the ones you have posted, and some will like them as they are. What's the problem here exactly? You've started a thread complaining about women complaining. And you're complaining hard. Post whatever photos you like. If you're getting as many messages from women as you say you are, then this issue with your photos is hardly a big deal now is it? I would have to agree with almond. Honestly it sounds like you are blowing this out of proportion and need to relax a little. It sounds like you have others are interested in you so proceed with them. Why get hung up on people that don't like your pictures in the first place?
MissBee Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 (edited) Do women you message tell you that they wish you had more pictures of you doing stuff or is this an assumption you're making? I ask because I've seen men come on LS to complain about why women don't respond to their messages or don't go out with them a second time and much of the time the women never say why and the guy just chooses some arbitrary thing to say this is why and women are so unfair....so I'm just trying to understand if this is feedback you've received many times from women, just once or twice, or never and you've just decided this is a thing? In any event, I actually don't care all that much about that personally. I just want him to have a picture that is not a mirror selfie, and is not shirtless, or showing the curve of his junk in shorts , where I can see how he looks in an accurate way. I have no special requirement that he's doing anything and I actually find it annoying when a guy only has far away "activity pics" of him doing things but I can't see his face. Edited April 17, 2015 by MissBee
loveweary11 Posted April 17, 2015 Posted April 17, 2015 This picture of me... <<<<------------------- Isn't even a good one. I have ones that get me way more girls online that I am actively using. Yet, it kept me pretty busy. I'm doing literally nothing in it. I'm in a ski house, but nobody can see that. There is also a snowboard behind me, but you can't tell. Picture did fine. Why?? It's about 2 things. What you look like AND what you write in the profile. Finally, you actually have to be the person you've conveyed in the profile and be fun and cool when you meet the girls in person. Simply put, the picture only gets them to not immediately pass you by. They'll then read about you to see if you seem compatible. Once they get a sense of who you are, they don't care what you're doing in your pic. In fact, posing in front of cars, etc... can come off as trying too hard and a bit creepy.
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