Male Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Why do women care so much about what a guy is doing in the pics that he posts on his dating profile???? Women can post a pic of themselves do practically anything and everything, or nothing at all and guys will still message them. But if a guy doesnt post good socially active pics, then women tend to look at that as a blemish. I understand you need to have clear, presentable pics, thats a given, but I'm talking specifically about what you are doing in the pics. Why does a guy have to jump so many hurdles, proving his worth BEFORE he even starts a conversation with a woman?
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 You need to be more specific. What kind of pictures are you posting that is causing you come on here and vent? More info would help us ladies provide you with an appropriate response. 3
Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 (edited) You need to be more specific. What kind of pictures are you posting that is causing you come on here and vent? More info would help us ladies provide you with an appropriate response. Forrest has 2 r's Women have always complained that a guys pictures need to show him having fun with friends and family, or him enjoying his hobbies. WHY? Why cant a guy just post a full body pic of him standing there with a smile on his face, or holding a beer at a cookout? The whole point of the picture is to allow you to see how the person looks. The problem is that women want to see his pics, and what hes doing in his pics so they can make snap judgments about him. Women like to gather as much information before they talk to him. They love making assumptions. Just because a guy posts a bunch of fun pics of himself on a boat, or water-skiing doesnt mean hes a better catch than a guy that doesnt. Why not actually talk to the guy, and get to know him as a person??? Edited April 16, 2015 by Male
autumnnight Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Forrest has 2 r's The fact that you felt the need to do this probably tells me more about your problem than your pictures. 9
Toodaloo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Oh dear here we go... Male. I have noted that you were asked for more information. Instead of information you picked on a tiny error. Then moaned about assumptions... to someone who wants to help you... If that is your attitude then it doesn't matter if you look like Errol Flyn, King Kong, Heath Ledger or Denzil Washington... You are still not going to get a date... So lets work on that shall we? 1
Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 Oh dear here we go... Male. I have noted that you were asked for more information. Instead of information you picked on a tiny error. Then moaned about assumptions... to someone who wants to help you... If that is your attitude then it doesn't matter if you look like Errol Flyn, King Kong, Heath Ledger or Denzil Washington... You are still not going to get a date... So lets work on that shall we? That always amuses me when people jump in and say you need to act like this or that to get women to respond. Yet, liars, cheaters, womanizers, and users constantly get dates even though they reek of bad intentions and red flags. Everyone always acts like women can spot my actions and will be scared off, but funny how they never spot anyone elses.
autumnnight Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 When it comes to pictures, my only request is that the man actually look like the pictures. I don't pick apart what he is or isn't doing. If he is like me, he probably doesn't just have some giant pile of pictures of himself lying around. I want to see his smile, his eyes. If he is bald or toothless I'd like to know ahead of time. That's pretty much it for me. 2
Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 (edited) When it comes to pictures, my only request is that the man actually look like the pictures. I don't pick apart what he is or isn't doing. If he is like me, he probably doesn't just have some giant pile of pictures of himself lying around. I want to see his smile, his eyes. If he is bald or toothless I'd like to know ahead of time. That's pretty much it for me. I agree. And thats all the pic should be. But you would not believe how much you are in the minority, and how many women critique the pictures. I've tried to explain that to women that my friends and I dont run around snapping selfies or other pics of each other like a group of high school girls, but according to many women I'm the oddball for not doing so. I'd like to actually hear from women that do feel the need to critique pictures, but that never happens on here. The only replies you ever get are from people that dont do what ever the topic is. You rarely ever hear anyone step up and admit that they do what the OP is talking about. Edited April 16, 2015 by Male
almond Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I agree. And thats all the pic should be. But you would not believe how much you are in the minority, and how many women critique the pictures. I've tried to explain that to women that my friends and I dont run around snapping selfies or other pics of each other like a group of high school girls, but according to many women I'm the oddball for not doing so. I find it very hard to believe that multiple women that aren't interested in you are taking the time to contact you, just to criticise the lack of photos in your online dating profile that show you involved in some activity.\ How odd. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Thank you for spell check. As you can see, I've made the correction At this point I think you're over generalizing about what women want to see. I could say the same thing about men but you probably wouldn't believe me if I showed you. C'est la vie. It's abundantly clear that you're also quite jaded by your experiences. That attitude isn't going to help you in the least on here. You're either open to hearing all sides of the coin or you're not. To answer your original post, the simplest answer is...because you're ONLINE. I would recommend you peruse the thousands of other threads on here that discuss OLD and how shallow it can feel. It's just part of the game. It's IS all about looks and perception INITIALLY and that goes BOTH ways my friend. Don't you go thinking you're somehow the ONLY person feeling frustrated with the whole online process. And just because you have a profile online doesn't guarantee anything. It's a game and should not be taken so seriously. As for the rest of it, I have no idea what kind of pictures YOU are posting so it's hard to comment specifically. My guess would be that there is more to this than just your pictures. 1
Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 I find it very hard to believe that multiple women that aren't interested in you are taking the time to contact you, just to criticise the lack of photos in your online dating profile that show you involved in some activity.\ How odd. I get a lot of feedback, and many women outside of my area interact with me, because they either find me attractive and live too far away, or we strike up a mutual conversation about the online dating bs. Many women seem to enjoy talking with me, they just dont want to date me usually due to distance. They value my opinions and thoughts because I dont hide behind my gender mask. I tell them like it is. I talk to them like a sister, instead of talking to them like a guy looking to get his foot in the door on a dating site.
Toodaloo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 That always amuses me when people jump in and say you need to act like this or that to get women to respond. Yet, liars, cheaters, womanizers, and users constantly get dates even though they reek of bad intentions and red flags. Everyone always acts like women can spot my actions and will be scared off, but funny how they never spot anyone elses. Thats because the liars, cheats and womanisers aren't damned rude from the outset. And well they lie! So they make themselves out to be better than they are. From just a few posts here though you seem to be making yourself out worse than you are? Reverse psychology? Its not going to work with OLD. Have these women actually said that or just drifted off? I can't imagine many saying "oh your an odd one because you have no one else in your picture..." Come on... time to get honest. And be polite to those you are asking for help. Its a little thing called "manners". Google it. 1
Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 It IS all about looks and perception INITIALLY I understand that. But why cant I just post a pic of me standing there doing nothing, leaning against my car??? That pic clearly shows the woman what I look like. Instead.....women complain that "You need to show yourself having fun with others" WHY??? Someone explain to me why I need to PROVE something to a woman that I havent met yet? Both pics show how I look, so I dont get what the big deal is.
Toodaloo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I get a lot of feedback, and many women outside of my area interact with me, because they either find me attractive and live too far away, or we strike up a mutual conversation about the online dating bs. Many women seem to enjoy talking with me, they just dont want to date me usually due to distance. They value my opinions and thoughts because I dont hide behind my gender mask. I tell them like it is. I talk to them like a sister, instead of talking to them like a guy looking to get his foot in the door on a dating site. So your not actually talking to them as though you want to date them and then you complain that they are not dating you? Please explain how they are supposed to know? We don't all ride brooms and carry crystal balls... I despair sometimes I really do. Oh and I think its one woman and I also think she was talking balls because I hate seeing photos with lots of people in them... Save it for the family album not a dating site.
almond Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 (edited) I understand that. But why cant I just post a pic of me standing there doing nothing, leaning against my car??? That pic clearly shows the woman what I look like. Instead.....women complain that "You need to show yourself having fun with others" WHY??? Someone explain to me why I need to PROVE something to a woman that I havent met yet? Both pics show how I look, so I dont get what the big deal is. You can post whatever pictures you like. And I don't get the big deal either...but it seems to be one for you. I've never even seen an online dating website, but I imagine that maybe some women would like to see photos of you that show you have a social life or hobbies of some sort? I'm sure that not every woman you have spoken with has said this, and that you're simply latching on to the comments from the few that have. I'll just throw it out there that I'm still doubting that multiple women message you online just to tell you that you need different photos, but I'll play along. Some women may prefer different photos to the ones you have posted, and some will like them as they are. What's the problem here exactly? You've started a thread complaining about women complaining. And you're complaining hard. Post whatever photos you like. If you're getting as many messages from women as you say you are, then this issue with your photos is hardly a big deal now is it? Edited April 16, 2015 by almond 2
Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 You can post whatever pictures you like. And I don't get the big deal either...but it seems to be one for you. I've never even seen an online dating website, but I imagine that maybe some women would like to see photos of you that show you have a social life or hobbies of some sort? I'm sure that not every woman you have spoken with has said this, and that you're simply latching on to the comments from the few that have. I'll just throw it out there that I'm still doubting that multiple women message you online just to tell you that you need different photos, but I'll play along. Some women may prefer different photos to the ones you have posted, and some will like them as they are. What's the problem here exactly? You've started a thread complaining about women complaining. And you're complaining hard. Post whatever photos you like. If you're getting as many messages from women as you say you are, then this issue with your photos is hardly a big deal now is it? lol all this coming from someone that has never seen an online dating site? Thats exactly WHY you dont understand anything I'm saying. Learn before you talk about a topic you know nothing about.
Toodaloo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 lol all this coming from someone that has never seen an online dating site? Thats exactly WHY you dont understand anything I'm saying. Learn before you talk about a topic you know nothing about. Whoops there it is again! Male I really don't think your picture of you leaning on your car is the real problem here... Just saying... 4
Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 It IS all about looks and perception INITIALLY I understand that. But why cant I just post a pic of me standing there doing nothing, leaning against my car??? That pic clearly shows the woman what I look like. Instead.....women complain that "You need to show yourself having fun with others" WHY??? Someone explain to me why I need to PROVE something to a woman that I havent met yet? Both pics show how I look, so I dont get what the big deal is
gaius Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I just take pics in the bathroom mirror, and other than one time when someone thought I was pretending to jerk off because I was flexing my bicept and my fist looked like it was in front of my crotch, I've never had a problem. Women who need to see you on a beach or hugging a tree or whatever just aren't very sexual. =/
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 You don't have to do anything you don't want to! Geez. If those women are being picky about your pictures (or anything else) then so be it. They're not worth your time or energy because they'll likely always find something to complain about. Consider it a vetting process if nothing else. You need to change your perspective and arm yourself with a healthy sense of humor if you're going to survive OLD. 1
Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 You don't have to do anything you don't want to! Geez. If those women are being picky about your pictures (or anything else) then so be it. They're not worth your time or energy because they'll likely always find something to complain about. Consider it a vetting process if nothing else. You need to change your perspective and arm yourself with a healthy sense of humor if you're going to survive OLD. I never said I would change my pics. I'm simply asking why they think that way. I'm very philosophical about why people do things. Even though some people on here seem to think its a bad thing to ask why. But as I said, people that do what the OP asks about rarely if ever come forward. Some of these threads gets hundreds of views, so you know they are here, they just refuse to be the one to admit that they do it.
StanMusial Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 It's just another item to check off in their checklist. Don't do OLD, unless you are that desperate.
jen1447 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 You're either open to hearing all sides of the coin or you're not. Excuse me but there are only two sides to any coin. (Sorry, I couldn't resist. Male, that's good-natured sh*t-giving so please don't be offended.) WHY??? Someone explain to me why I need to PROVE something to a woman that I havent met yet? Both pics show how I look, so I dont get what the big deal is I have to confess that like almond I don't do online dating, but I think this is more a question of human nature (or female nature specifically) than something limited to OLD, and I agree that it's likely a simple attempt to evaluate your social sensibilities. A woman will generally be more encouraged by a guy who shows some amount of healthy social interaction. They want some reassurance that you have friends and socialize to some degree and that you're not a loner. There's nothing particularly wrong with loners per se, but it's not an encouraging trait for a relationship from the get-go. I expect they're mostly looking for signs that you've got the potential to be outgoing and that you're not socially awkward. Call that shallow if you will, but it is what it is. 2
Author Male Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 Excuse me but there are only two sides to any coin. (Sorry, I couldn't resist. Male, that's good-natured sh*t-giving so please don't be offended.) I have to confess that like almond I don't do online dating, but I think this is more a question of human nature (or female nature specifically) than something limited to OLD, and I agree that it's likely a simple attempt to evaluate your social sensibilities. A woman will generally be more encouraged by a guy who shows some amount of healthy social interaction. They want some reassurance that you have friends and socialize to some degree and that you're not a loner. There's nothing particularly wrong with loners per se, but it's not an encouraging trait for a relationship from the get-go. I expect they're mostly looking for signs that you've got the potential to be outgoing and that you're not socially awkward. Call that shallow if you will, but it is what it is. I totally understand, and thanks for that great reply! Thats my thoughts as well. Its simply a way for them to judge from afar. And its exactly why I refuse to post the types of pics they want. Although I do find it funny the irony of women judging a guy on him being socially awkward or not, yet at the same time they themselves typically lack the social skills to approach a guy.
autumnnight Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 To answer your original post, the simplest answer is...because you're ONLINE I hope you forgive me for possibly going slightly OT, but I think this sums up a lot of what not only you are experiencing but what a lot of people in general experience. Being online instead of face to face has given people many of the ideas below: 1. I can criticize as much as I want because I am typing it instead of having to say it to their face 2. I can browse an infinite number of possibilities, which somehow makes me feel entitled to be pickier than my actual dating value 3. I am hiding behind a screen, so I can be lazy about developing social skills like tact and grace and, well, basic human kindness 4. I take this aspect of one person and that aspect of another that I only know from the 2 dimensions of online, and I can fashion them into some impossible for a 3-dimensional person to fulfill ideal In other words, OP, the reason some of these women feel entitled to be critical, rude, or whatever else is the same reason many raised behind a screen feel they can do the same. They've been too busy posting rants on tumblr to learn any manners. 2
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