I want my Ex back: The Road to where We Are

[towch]

So its decided then, i will keep my trap shut thanks guys!!

I try to update you guys on relationship life issues lol

[towch]

This is hard, this weekend was the weekend i had booked and paid for trip to ocean city. I never got the chance to tell her. It just hurts so much thinking that she left when i was finally about to do so much for and with her.

 

I seriously think about her every hour i am not physically occupied like playing soccer, it is just ridiculous. I try to think about all the wrongs she has done but its is like my mind this blurs it out and retains the happy memories only.

 

Work is slow as almost all this staff left for our yearly annual meeting. I have too much time on my hands and it is killing me. Everything just seems a little off.

 

Well thats the update for now.

[towch]

“You know hope is a mistake. If you can't fix what’s broken, you'll go insane.” - Max Rockatansky

 

*Just saw Mad Max and that quotes made so much sense to me, i just thought you'd drop that here*

[towch]

UPDATE!!

 

Hey guys some things have come to light which has made me realize even further how evil and what a liar this girl is. I dont want to be with her anymore and she has granted me a gift even if she doesn't know it.

 

I have also realized that one should trust their instinct as long as they are not the insecure and jealous type of person. I should have trusted mine.

 

Background:

So before the whole relationship downfall, she had to use my name on her comcast because of her credit at the time. I also move early this year and decided to use her now usable name for my comcast since she already had mine. So i had access to one of her email that gets the bill, i don't think she remembers (i dont stalk her email plus there really wasn't anything to find).

 

Fast forward:

The night before the breakup, i get an instagram friends request from some dude i didn't know. I keep to myself so it is kinda odd for someone i am not familiar with to add me plus i saw he was friends with my Ex. Come morning my Ex call me and confuses, i had forgotten about that guys friends request. when i recalled and checked back i saw he wasn't my friend anymore....odd. I had strong suspicions about this very guy, strong ones lol.

 

So i proceed to add him on snapchat, i just wanted to ask him if he was seeing my Ex, she never responds.

 

 

Present:

So this friday, my bill for comcast is due. I log into the email to find the bill link. What did i see? I saw a Papa john's account registration and order place. The thing is the account name was in the guy i had my suspicions about. So why would a casual friend create an account with your email and place an order for delivery. This was also on a Friday which she claims she work till 10pm lol. The order wasn't general it was just enough for 2 people and it contained things she liked.

 

 

Why is this good?

Well now i know this is actually seeing someone (i believe same guys she cheated on me with, same guy she claimed not to have talked to after her confession). My hope has been crushed which enables me to move on, i know now that if she came back i wouldn't take her back. I doubt she will because she is a runner, she will never take responsibility, she just runs away from it. It not that she didn't want to be with me, it that she couldn't be the perfect little girl anymore lol. She claimed she wanted to find herself and not be this bad person but as i thought it was all BS. I always believed this girl was incapable so being single and i guess i was right. This relationship has taught me how naive i have been and to never take people at face value because of love but evaluate it with the kind of person they are truly.

 

 

I feel bad for this new guy. She hasn't learnt her lesson. She appears to be enjoying the relationship right now but when it goes south for one bit there will be someone else again lol. I never liked to judge people by their past but the same thing she did to her Ex before me is what she did to me. mess around with some else when just shadow dump the person she was with lol.

 

I am not gonna lie, it ticks me off sometimes but its now more of a high than low. it's been 2.5 weeks NC. i have proceeded to block her number. She did call me around 2am on sunday, i didn't answer. my guess is that she was drunk and called.

 

It is truly funny. To think that this girl gave me so many reason why she thinks i will cheat on her and end up being the cheat even worst having an affair. I told her about my Dad messing around with little girls and how it disgusted me and she turned it around saying that she is scared i would cheat on her because of tendencies to emulate your parents. She also sent me a poll saying that IT people are likely to cheat lol.

 

My advice:

If someone is so obsessed with cheating, they are either cheating or mostly likely to.

 

 

I will keep updating you wonderful on my progress. I am striving to make this chapter of my life something i can laugh about rather than something to be sad about or blocked out. If i can laugh about it, it ain't a thing

 

 

Cheers!!

 

P.S: am i glad i didnt sent a bloody happy birthday text, looking for a response. She would have ignored my ass if i wasn't already blocked and i would have felt like ****. Thanks guys!!!

Edited May 19, 2015 by towch

[towch]

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

 

It's been awhile so i thought i would update. Well i am a whole lot better, i know i still love my Ex but i however do not need her in my life anymore. Things i used to find fun and interesting are becoming that again. I am becoming more social and that is fun. I am eating well and being productive with my day. I think of her from time to time but not like before where it was every hour of every day.

 

With all this, i decided to end my NC journey not because i want to talk to her (far from it) but because it is now unnecessary. I do not feel the urge to talk to her nor do i anticipate a call from. why and how you may ask.....I am at this point because i got rid of my hope which enabled me to move on. I have had a few convos with my Ex and it neither gave me a high or a low, after the call ended i simply go on with my day. Some of the conversation were interest so i will elaborate.

 

2 weeks ago i believe she called and insisted that we be friends. i was against it not because of my feeling for her but because she was always fond of making such arrangements and then bailing. Also she was seeing the guy she cheated on me with and i didn't think it appropriate for her to continue talking to me. But what the hell, she rarely called me and i never call her plus i really didn't give 2 forks anymore so i agreed to it AGAIN lol. we talked when she called and that was about it.

 

She called me last saturday and we talked a little, she then proceeded to make the statement "This week has been really weird". I immediately knew that was a setup question so i kept quite. i said "oh really?". She then asked if i wasnt gonna ask why lol. I decided to bit and asked. She tells me that her and the other guy she cheated on me with and started seeing after the breakup even though she swore on her life she wanted to be single and figure out herself and while she did what she did (BS)...that they are no longer seeing each other. now here is the twist, she says he gave her an ultimatum to stop talking to me (The thing is she rarely called me and i never called her so wtf lol).....i must say i am reluctant to believe her. She says that she doesn't know why people cannot just accept her fully, i told her i did accept her she shoots me down by saying while i was with her i always wanted a new relationship (she is talking about my craigslist escapades that barely lasted and was solely an ego boost which i could blame on her from the constant accusations and invasion of privacy but don't), needless to say she had done a lot worse but she forgets lol.

 

Anyways i don't dabble. I ask her how she would feel if he was talking to an Ex, she replied that she wouldn't like it. I told her that now she see it and that she is still living with her double standards. I tell her that she really was the last person to talk about acceptance that when we were together she always complained that i didn't do this or that....she admits to it and admits she was doing the same to the other guy. I proceeded to tell her that if she really liked this guy that she needs to cut me off completely, she insists she can do that. I tell her that she can't have a productive relationship with me in the picture...she still insists. She then tell me that the other guy tried choking her twice. i fake anger but i really didn't care, that is who she left me for? a wife beater? She sings songs about how she needs me in her life and how i am the only one that understands her.....(like i give a fork). I do know she doesn't want back as of right now, i know that as a fact i believe it is because she is ashamed and can't have her princess like status anyways, she can no longer be innocent to me that is why. I know she will jump on the other dude as soon as he wants her back and that is not the kind of person i want. I want someone that has some self respect for herself.

 

There guys, that's my life update...what you think

[Simon Phoenix]

I think it was idiotic for you to break No Contact. You didn't get over her in two weeks. Stop talking to her.

[towch]

I think it was idiotic for you to break No Contact. You didn't get over her in two weeks. Stop talking to her.

 

I think you misunderstand, I don't want her anymore. it has been more than 2 week. breakup was in april. I didn't break NC to call her, I just stop paying it any mind because i didn't need to anymore.

 

For some people it gives the opposite effect but for me when i found out that she was seeing someone and the same guy, i was over it.

[Simon Phoenix]

I think you misunderstand, I don't want her anymore. it has been more than 2 week. breakup was in april. I didn't break NC to call her, I just stop paying it any mind because i didn't need to anymore.

 

For some people it gives the opposite effect but for me when i found out that she was seeing someone and the same guy, i was over it.

 

I don't buy it at all. But let's pretend you are over her -- what is the purpose of talking to her then?

[ZiggyZoo]

You don't have to initate the contact to break NC. By responding to her, you did. And I'm absolutely with Simon. You need to maintain NC, you're just telling her that you DO care and are still going to come when she calls. Keep this up, you guys will get back together and she'll cheat again. Guarantee.

[sober and dry]

Oh man you sound pretty double-barreled so I think you're deluding yourself and that's a very hard phase in recovery, at least it was for me!

You are acting like a cushion to her and her "new" RS...

[towch]

You don't have to initate the contact to break NC. By responding to her, you did. And I'm absolutely with Simon. You need to maintain NC, you're just telling her that you DO care and are still going to come when she calls. Keep this up, you guys will get back together and she'll cheat again. Guarantee.

 

I see where you guys are coming from, makes total sense. NC then, should not be hard.

[towch]

Oh man you sound pretty double-barreled so I think you're deluding yourself and that's a very hard phase in recovery, at least it was for me!

You are acting like a cushion to her and her "new" RS...

 

Not so much of deluding my on where i am but as for the "CUSHION" you are quite right my friend i really need to stop that crap, she wasn't there for me so why should i be there for her

[towch]

Life is pretty good boys and girls i've taken up biking and it's pretty fun. My most disturbing thought is spending most of my paycheck to fix my car lol...beats dwelling on an Ex any day.

 

Just an update.....

 

Note: Oh even though i feel i'm over it, i stuck with ya'lls advice and maintained NC.

[DexterLS]

Life is pretty good boys and girls i've taken up biking and it's pretty fun. My most disturbing thought is spending most of my paycheck to fix my car lol...beats dwelling on an Ex any day.

 

Just an update.....

 

Note: Oh even though i feel i'm over it, i stuck with ya'lls advice and maintained NC.

 

Good! Keep doing that

[towch]

Well guys, its been over a month now of stone-cold NC, i find myself no longer counting the day which is good. these days, i think of her more in passing than a focused thought. I can't remember definitely what she looks like anymore...i guess i could search for her or something but i wont. I've been working a lot, seeing someone else.

 

One hurdle i need to get through is her email. I find myself logging into it once in a while, i need to stop this...i wish she would just change her password i however have started to make negative association towards it. I wrote how i feel about what she did and pasted on my wall right next to my computer, when i feel the urge, i read the paper.

 

I guess i was right when i told her on Easter Sunday that that was the last time we would be seeing each other and it would be her doing lol she didn't believe me. It's kinda like when Jesus told Peter he would forsake him hahaha.

 

I won't lie and say i am completely done but now my head is in control and not my heart. i am not 100% but i am getting there. I am more or less into my regular routine which is good. I am focusing more on what i have and what i can have rather than what i have lost or can't have.

 

I want to thank you all again because even though i haven't been on here a lot your words have all ways been with me.

Edited July 2, 2015 by towch