Alan_17 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 As we split up, she has already moved in with another guy within 3 months of breaking up, question is will you accept her back once that rebound relationship does not work at all?
PegNosePete Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I would not accept her back whether she moved in with another guy or not. Look to the future, not the past. 2
Author Alan_17 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 these rebound relationships never work, they seek a plaster to heal a wound, but they don't realise that the plaster will one day become wet. the best thing we can do is self heal our selves and become strong as a individual, all successful people know how to live alone and don't rely on anyone. where as once we are in a relationship we rely on the other leading us to become less self sufficient. happy to have a debate if one decides to disagree
HumptyDumpty Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 You should never accept an ex back into your life anyways! 3 months is too short to totally get over someone and work on yourself. Especially when you spend it screwing another guy you just moved in with, makes self-reflection a bit harder imo. C'mon, you don't need a girl like that when she crawls back to you (and she will, sounds more like a fwb thing than this huge loving relationship, with the convenience for the guy that the house is clean/dinner is on the table). Why would you want her seriously, do you really think you're not worthy of anything better? Stay clear here, she has moved on, so should you. You shouldn't put your life on hold. 1
Reality015 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 As we split up, she has already moved in with another guy within 3 months of breaking up, question is will you accept her back once that rebound relationship does not work at all? As hard as it is now respect yourself & move forward. She has split up with you once. rarely do people get back together & it works a second time more than a few weeks / months. 1
diamondgirl Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 don't even think about it right now. if she comes back then you'll evaluate how you feel then but there is no guarantee that she will be back. even if she is, it might be years from now. live your life like she is never coming back 1
ZiggyZoo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Don't assume rebounds are just short little things. Mine turned into a seven year marriage. The girl my ex left me for (another rebound) lasted three years, another marriage. 1
stillafool Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 As we split up, she has already moved in with another guy within 3 months of breaking up, question is will you accept her back once that rebound relationship does not work at all? Only a fool would accept her back.
diamondgirl Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Don't assume rebounds are just short little things. Mine turned into a seven year marriage. The girl my ex left me for (another rebound) lasted three years, another marriage. agree with this. my mom dated her ex boyfriend for 12 years, met my dad less then 6 months later and they were married in under a year. they have been married blissfully for 30 years so if her ex had waited around and assumed it was a rebound then he would still be waiting... 2
mightycpa Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 As we split up, she has already moved in with another guy within 3 months of breaking up, question is will you accept her back once that rebound relationship does not work at all? My take on this is that it isn't a rebound at all. I assume from the way you're asking the question, that she left you, maybe for this guy, maybe not. Either way, she's not rebounding. She's chosen. Isn't a rebound relationship one where you try to get over the last one? I sense that this is your difficulty, not hers. Anyway, I always thought going back was a bad idea. Whatever the one person saw in the other that made them leave, they'll see it again, and they'll remember, and then they will go, sooner or later. 1
Stercrazy Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 When people ask me that type of question all I say is "I'm not plan B". That's how I feel. So it would take an extraordinary effort on my ex's part to win me back. I'm the type of person that once certain lines are crossed you can't go back and start over. But that's just me. Everyone is different. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 The question is will YOU accept her back? Time to move on my friend. 1
Chi townD Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 these rebound relationships never work, they seek a plaster to heal a wound, but they don't realise that the plaster will one day become wet. the best thing we can do is self heal our selves and become strong as a individual, all successful people know how to live alone and don't rely on anyone. where as once we are in a relationship we rely on the other leading us to become less self sufficient. happy to have a debate if one decides to disagree Okay, I'm always up for a good debate. Rebound or not, does it really matter?!?! You're looking to the future when you should be living in the present. So, lets look at the present as it stands right now. She's giving herself to someone else. On a guess, I'm guessing that you may have had sex with her, what? 3-4 times a week? This other dude gets that now. She's sleeping in the same bed with him and snuggling up against him every night. Spooning on the couch with him instead of you. Cooking for him instead of you. And maybe doing things in bed with him that she's always denied you. Going out on the town and enjoying each other instead of her being with you. Now, after reading those FACTS, does that hurt? If it does, then why the hell would you want her back? And if you fire back with "Because I love her" just remember, she's living with someone as married couples do, she's not showing you a whole lot of love. She moved in with someone LESS than three months after breaking up with you. She never really mourned the loss of you or mourned the loss of the relationship. That should speak volumes to you as to where you stand with her. How she felt about you.
DJOkawari Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 The whole "they're in bed with someone else" or "they're doing the things you found special with someone else" argument never really held any water for me. They had people before too unless you were their first. They acted romantically and sweet to them too. They thought they'd be with them forever too. I'd be alright with any reconciliation with any ex because none of them have done a particularly horrible thing to me in any way. I think if I was in an abusive situation or in a situation with a liar then I would be more wary for sure. There are some Exs I haven't talked to in years so I'm not sure what they've been up to but if I met them somehow maybe we'd catch up and if it went really well then...yeah, why not? I definitely think it is important to have some sort of real connection with someone new before meeting (even as friends) your ex again. It's really hard for me to believe in the permanence of ideas, people, feelings, or things. I think the fact that we're all here nursing broken hearts is a sign of that. You still wanting your ex is temporary. Your Ex being so sure that you're not someone they want to associate with is also temporary. On the other hand, I also think that apathy is really what drives these situations into nothingness. Maybe you'll have a kind thought or wonder "what're they up to?" but when you're over it probably you won't act on it, probably your ex won't act on it and that's really how things really come to pass. The only real issues arise when people resist the change, keep checking their Ex's social media, keep thinking about the relationship, shun other connections and new experiences and/or try to stay in the past. That's when you see a lot of terrible things.
Ruby65 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 these rebound relationships never work, they seek a plaster to heal a wound, but they don't realise that the plaster will one day become wet. If she's the dumper.... why would you assume this is a "rebound"? Why assume she has a "wound" that needs to heal? Usually, when someone ends a relationship, they've had months to detach emotionally and are moved on and READY for another perfectly legitimate relationship at the time of the breakup! It's the Dumpee who goes out and has a rebound to heal the wound! The Dumper is ready for a real relationship. 1
stillafool Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 If she's the dumper.... why would you assume this is a "rebound"? Why assume she has a "wound" that needs to heal? Usually, when someone ends a relationship, they've had months to detach emotionally and are moved on and READY for another perfectly legitimate relationship at the time of the breakup! It's the Dumpee who goes out and has a rebound to heal the wound! The Dumper is ready for a real relationship. I agree. Plus the fact that she is actually moved in with this guy says they must be pretty serious about each other. I wouldn't be surprised if this guy was on her radar before she broke up with OP. 2
DJOkawari Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 (edited) Dumpers have rebounds as well. It depends on the break up but some times the decision to leave can be made in the moment, or by a logical consideration or situation. It's a bit different but in the end it is just that they have made a decision - for one reason or another - and if reality doesn't affirm that it is a good decision then maybe they will want to come back to their ex. They are still leaving a relationship, they are still losing someone, it is still a big step for them, many people look for another to fill that void. That other is often not as good as what they left. Edited April 16, 2015 by DJOkawari
Ruby65 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Most people who are dumped project their own feelings onto the dumper.... .... so to them, the dumper's new relationship *must* be just a rebound. The thing is, dumpers don't have nearly the same kind of pain after a breakup as the dumpee. Many times, they're perfectly fine and ready to move on. I'd say it's extremely rare for a dumper to need to rush into a relationship to "numb the pain" of a relationship that they themselves have just ended! Remember -- they WANTED the relationship to end! And usually, when they have a "sudden new relationship" it's not a rebound.... it's someone they had already been developing feelings for before the breakup. 3
DJOkawari Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I agree, partially. Often the "sudden new relationship" only looks attractive because it is sudden and new or in comparison to aspects of the current relationship. The dumper is still giving something up when leaving. I don't give people enough credit to believe in absolutes like "they wanted the relationship to end". It is usually actually "they wanted it to work but unfortunately it isn't" or "they think they can be happier in a different situation".
dvx Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 As we split up, she has already moved in with another guy within 3 months of breaking up, question is will you accept her back once that rebound relationship does not work at all? No i wouldn't. Would you?
Ruby65 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Often, they find someone else they like better.... and so they leave the person they're with specifically to BE with that new person! Hardly a rebound. 2
DJOkawari Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I would amend: "find someone they think they like better". A lot of times, that wears off from my experience. The situations I've been in, maybe given my youth, as a dumper/dumpee I've always been around people who were more indecisive and unsure about what they precisely wanted. But I also agree, that this situation doesn't appear to be that sort of thing. But anyway: Any thoughts on post #15? In the spirit of keeping this debate going. 1
stillafool Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Each time I've been dumped the guy went on to a serious long term relationship and one of them is still married (with kids) to the woman he dumped me for. Everytime I've dumped someone I was completely over them pretty much as soon as I stepped out the door. I moved on to someone else and after them someone else, never regretting the first breakup and no desire whatsoever to go back.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 As far as the ex sleeping with someone else debate, it depends on the timing. If they are dating immediately after and doing the no-pants dance right after that, then I'd care, because clearly they dumped me to get it on with them. If it's something that happens months down the road, then my cares go down, because they are single and more than able to mingle. Of course, if you are in proper No Contact you wouldn't know any of this. The ex that brought me here back in the day dumped me without having anyone else in backup, at least that I knew off, so I wouldn't have cared if she got her rocks off with another dude. I mean, I had sex probably 48 hours after I was dumped because I was an absolute wreck and was looking for some sort of release (pun intended). I had quite a few random hookups in the immediate aftermath. What would have pissed me off more than the sex was the intimate emotional sharing that ex would have done with a guy -- weekend trips, long walks on the beach, sharing feelings. That's the stuff that would have killed me more than sex. Sex is a physical act -- emotional sharing is harder to get past. So I guess my answer is that it depends on the circumstances. 2
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