letitplayout Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Generally we have an excellent idea of what to expect when you are the dumpee, but what about the dumper? I'm curious as to what the person who planned to break-up expected they would feel vs. what they actually felt. (1) So if you were/are the DUMPER: when planning to break-up what did you expect to feel post break-up? (2) And what did you actually feel? Were there any significant differences from what you expected vs what you actually felt? I'm excited to hear any opinions or theories any of you may have about the dumpers expectations!
Toodaloo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Every time I have been the "dumper" I have expected to feel hurt, sad, a bit lost and to grieve. I have expected them to feel the same. I have expected that they would never contact me again or speak to me again but hoped that tin time they would. If they had begged (which none ever have thank goodness), I would speak to them, discuss it, but remain firm. If the begging continued after that I would loose all respect for them and would go the no contact route just to get them out of my life.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I've had two experiences as the dumper. One was when I had been in the relationship way past its sell-by date, and was completely over it by the time I pulled the plug. So I expected to feel relief and much better about not having to pretend that everything was all right, and that's exactly how I felt. Yes, it came out of nowhere to the guys I was dumping, and I'm sure they were wondering WTF just happened. I had been mulling over my decision for some time though, and not letting on what was going on. So there's the whole "Two days ago we were so in love" blindside explained. Your ex was lying about how they were feeling. I never looked back, and never considered or tried reconciliation. And no, there's nothing they could have done, positive or negative, that would have changed my mind. The second kind I've only been through once, and it was a lot harder. This was just recently, with my ex ex, and I am obviously a bit more mature then when I'd just dump someone seemingly out of the blue. This was the type where I was open and honest with what I was feeling, and had a talk with my then boyfriend about how I just wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with him. It was one of the hardest conversations I've ever had to have, watching someone I still cared about get hurt by my words and my decision. We tried to be friends, at his request, but I told him after about two weeks that I couldn't do it anymore. It hurt too much, not as much as getting dumped, but it really hurt. I don't know how I expected to feel, but it was very painful.
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