Why did he freak out so much, and why won't he speak to me anymore?

[Sazzmatazz]

Hello, all. I was wondering if I could get some opinions on what happened with a guy I used to date. Maybe it will help me to heal faster. He just freaked out on me out of the blue and stopped talking to me cold turkey and hasn't spoken to me since (almost 7 months). I'm really baffled by it all, tbh.

 

A bit of background: we only dated for a month, but from the instant we met I felt so connected with him. Everything about us just seemed to click--from our taste in music and design to our worldviews and beliefs, not to mention a crazy amount of chemistry. I'd never been so utterly taken with a guy so quickly. Honestly, it kind of scared me so I think I came across a bit reserved to avoid scaring him off. (He kept saying I was the hardest person to read and was always asking for my opinion on things he would show me.)

 

Our first date was amazing...without a doubt the best night of my entire life even today. I won't go into too much detail, but we hung out in the city at this street art event that happens every first Friday of the month, and it ended with us kissing in a park and a very long hug he initiated and him saying, “I was beginning to lose hope that there were any girls out there who weren't superficial and just into partying and pop culture or whatever.” Or something to that effect. On our second date he joked and asked if I wanted to meet one of his friends who lived by. I was unsure because hello, second date, so he said nevermind. Next date he tried again and invited me to meet some more of his friends, and after some convincing I said yes. His friends were really impressed with me (my date showed me the text messages his friends were sending him immediately after we left). However, I kind of out-performed my date at a game we were all playing, during which he was pretty quiet, so I'm not sure if this bothered him. He didn't say anything about it, but the way he was looking at me during it all almost gave me the impression he couldn't believe I was even real, lol.

 

Anyway, fast forward to how things ended. I thought I was doing everything I could to take things at a decent pace (from my end, anyway)... After our third date I asked if, being that he did some contracting work, he could visit a property with me that I was thinking about buying for myself to help give me an idea on how much it would cost to do some renovations. He said sure. I mentioned my parents would be present because it was an important step in my life (we were both 26). Then he said, "Well, now I'm stressed!" I thought he was just joking, so I made a joke about hiding my parents in the closet and he seemed fine with things and said he'd still come with me. Well, day of, he chickened out a half hour before we were supposed to meet and said he couldn't come due to an emergency. He didn't even mention hanging out afterwards, so I waited a day and asked if he wanted to grab some lunch. He told me he didn't think it was a good idea because the "whole parents thing" really freaked him out and it made him realize that maybe he wasn't "as emotionally ready for a relationship" as I was. He also added he never wanted to hurt me but felt that this was exactly what he was doing now. I told him that if he didn't want to be there with my parents it would have been fine for us to go alone and that I could have gone with my parents separately if he'd just said something beforehand. I asked wouldn't that just have been easier so we could have avoided all of this?

 

No reply.

 

That was over seven months ago, and I haven't heard a single thing from him since--not even after a handful of attempts spaced over several months to reach out to him and simply ask how he was doing. I've tried everything I can to forget about him, even dated several men, but I can't get over the connection we shared... It was very intense, something I'm sure I'll never forget. I just felt so at home with him... Still, I am inclined to believe that he probably wasn't emotionally in a place for a relationship after bailing out the way he did (via text), but I'm left wondering why he got so freaked out and couldn't even talk to me about it? It's not like I was asking if he could have dinner and meet my folks for a serious discussion... I had a guy I dated for much longer before this guy and was able to get over him in about a month. I don't understand why it's so hard for me to just forget about someone I only knew for a month. I feel like he pulled a very cowardly move, though, and it hurt a lot because I really, really liked him.

 

Sorry for the length. I just wanted to be sure to give a good picture of what happened. Any insight, especially men, would be helpful!

[LoveIsMyReligion]

#1: you never should have invited him if you knew your parents would be there, that's way way too serious for someone you just met.

 

#2: I don't think he was that into you, otherwise he would definitely initiated another date. Should have moved on a while ago...

[I_Give_Up67]

It sounds like you each had very different expectations in your brief relationship. You wanting something more on the serious side, him looking for a causal relationship.

 

From what you have stated, you seemed to be a bit more mature than him, by having some goals in your life. The fact that you wanted him to meet your parents, probably told him you were wanting a much more serious relationship as well. Obviously he bailed out on you because he was not ready for the same type of relationship or commitment that you wanted.

 

Don't beat yourself up too much over his stated reason for ending it. Because at least you did not waste a year or longer or your life only to have him walk out on you later anyway.