Cali434 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Hi everyone, I have two issues I need advice for First: I am a college student and I go to school in New York so there are TONS of high quality guys around. I've used Tinder and other social apps to meet guys online. The only thing I am worried about is that I don't know if a guy is truly single or not! I like dating guys older than me and I am afraid they will have a gf, or even married! I always tried to look them up on FB before talking to them, but most of them does not put their relationship. I will never be the third wheel in a relationship (it's who I am and I cannot forgive myself if I become one) but I've encountered guys who have girlfriends who are chatting girls up online! If you have experience with dating online, can you give me some advice on how to avoid this? Second: I've met this awesome guy and we have chatted nicely and everything for a couple of days. The chemistry is definitely quite strong with this one, except he is incredibly good looking and seems to be out of my standards (I found his FB). He haven't seen my picture yet, but I am really not the attractive type. He have all the qualities girls are looking for: good looks, good education and steady job out of college. I have a feeling he's been talking to other girls too, and I know for sure those girls are better looking than I am. I am really insecure about meeting up and have been avoiding it. I know all guys weight attractiveness very importantly...and I know I don't meet up to those standards. Our chemistry is awesome, but I don't think that is enough if he's not attracted to me....what should I do? Will the chemistry weight out the other factors...maybe?
neowulf Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Hi everyone, I have two issues I need advice for : First: I am a college student and I go to school in New York so there are TONS of high quality guys around. I've used Tinder and other social apps to meet guys online. The only thing I am worried about is that I don't know if a guy is truly single or not! I like dating guys older than me and I am afraid they will have a gf, or even married! I always tried to look them up on FB before talking to them, but most of them does not put their relationship. I will never be the third wheel in a relationship (it's who I am and I cannot forgive myself if I become one) but I've encountered guys who have girlfriends who are chatting girls up online! If you have experience with dating online, can you give me some advice on how to avoid this? Dating anyone involves an element of trust / risk. That said, there are a few red flags to look for; Forget what a man tells you; watch his actions. If he's keeping you at arms length, making excuses as to why he can't speak with you or generally seems to be behaving in a shifty fashion, chances are you're "the other woman". If you pay attention and ask the right questions, you can usually figure this out pretty quickly. The moment to catch them in a lie, walk. Don't give them them chance to "explain" their way out of it. Second: I've met this awesome guy and we have chatted nicely and everything for a couple of days. The chemistry is definitely quite strong with this one, except he is incredibly good looking and seems to be out of my standards (I found his FB). He haven't seen my picture yet, but I am really not the attractive type. He have all the qualities girls are looking for: good looks, good education and steady job out of college. I have a feeling he's been talking to other girls too, and I know for sure those girls are better looking than I am. I am really insecure about meeting up and have been avoiding it. I know all guys weight attractiveness very importantly...and I know I don't meet up to those standards. Our chemistry is awesome, but I don't think that is enough if he's not attracted to me....what should I do? Will the chemistry weight out the other factors...maybe? Incredibly good looking men, especially young men, live in a world of OPTIONS. The chances of getting one of these men to commit to you long term, at this stage in their lives is very, very low. Regardless of how good looking you may or may not be. So yes, he's probably talking with other girls. Yes, he probably has chemistry with a lot of them. Yes, he'll probably exercise those options at every opportunity. So long as you're willing to accept that and chalk it up to "experience" you can gain some experience and make some memories. Just go in with your eyes open.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Hi everyone, I have two issues I need advice for First: I am a college student and I go to school in New York so there are TONS of high quality guys around. I've used Tinder and other social apps to meet guys online. The only thing I am worried about is that I don't know if a guy is truly single or not! I like dating guys older than me and I am afraid they will have a gf, or even married! I always tried to look them up on FB before talking to them, but most of them does not put their relationship. I will never be the third wheel in a relationship (it's who I am and I cannot forgive myself if I become one) but I've encountered guys who have girlfriends who are chatting girls up online! If you have experience with dating online, can you give me some advice on how to avoid this? Second: I've met this awesome guy and we have chatted nicely and everything for a couple of days. The chemistry is definitely quite strong with this one, except he is incredibly good looking and seems to be out of my standards (I found his FB). He haven't seen my picture yet, but I am really not the attractive type. He have all the qualities girls are looking for: good looks, good education and steady job out of college. I have a feeling he's been talking to other girls too, and I know for sure those girls are better looking than I am. I am really insecure about meeting up and have been avoiding it. I know all guys weight attractiveness very importantly...and I know I don't meet up to those standards. Our chemistry is awesome, but I don't think that is enough if he's not attracted to me....what should I do? Will the chemistry weight out the other factors...maybe? One piece of advice I can give you is that chemistry ONLY happens in person. So even though you may like his texting style, wait until you actually spend time with him before getting too invested. Also as Neowulf said, a guy will tell you all you need to know with his actions. If a guy is just looking to chat because he's bored with his GF, he'll keep delaying meeting in person. If he's just looking for sex, he'll usually bring up going to his place within the first few "dates". So if a guy pushes to meet sooner rather than later, and keeps the first handful of dates in public, he's more likely to be on the level.
Frank2thepoint Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 in New York so TONS of high quality guys around I've used Tinder and other social apps to meet guys online I've encountered guys who have girlfriends who are chatting girls up online I honestly laughed at this. If your meaning of high quality is meeting guys that are cheating on their girlfriends, then yes continue using Tinder to find those quality men. If it does honestly bother you, you should try other avenues of approach to meet REAL quality men, like through friends or school mates. I know it's an old-school approach in today's "everything is an app" world, but at least you get these men vetted. Another option is meet guys in person at school and talk to them in-person instead of just through text message.
Author Cali434 Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 I honestly laughed at this. If your meaning of high quality is meeting guys that are cheating on their girlfriends, then yes continue using Tinder to find those quality men. If it does honestly bother you, you should try other avenues of approach to meet REAL quality men, like through friends or school mates. I know it's an old-school approach in today's "everything is an app" world, but at least you get these men vetted. Another option is meet guys in person at school and talk to them in-person instead of just through text message. Hi, I think you read my message wrong. I DO NOT want a taken guy. It is hard to meet guys in class because like I said, I'm not attractive so I don't get much attention from guys. Also, even if some did talk to me, they are not as open about themselves as they are online. I live off campus so that is not helping either because I don't get much invite to house parties.
Gary S Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 To weed out the married guys, make sure you talk to them on the phone (call) or see them evenings and weekends. Married guys won't be available when they are supposed to be home with the wifey. This will automatically weed out 98% of them. Second: I've met this awesome guy and we have chatted nicely and everything for a couple of days. The chemistry is definitely quite strong with this one, except he is incredibly good looking and seems to be out of my standards (I found his FB). He haven't seen my picture yet, but I am really not the attractive type. He have all the qualities girls are looking for: good looks, good education and steady job out of college. I have a feeling he's been talking to other girls too, and I know for sure those girls are better looking than I am. I am really insecure about meeting up and have been avoiding it. I know all guys weight attractiveness very importantly...and I know I don't meet up to those standards. Our chemistry is awesome, but I don't think that is enough if he's not attracted to me....what should I do? Will the chemistry weight out the other factors...maybe? - I would exchange pictures. Better to get a softer rejection now before you waste more time, and possibly like him more when you meet, and then it's harder. 2
melissacus Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I know a lot of people are using online dating sites these days to meet guys, but honestly, I don't think it's the best way to meet men. Actually, I think it's the worst way to "meet" people and generally ends in failure. Not always, but most of the time. But, if you're wanting to use this medium, I would suggest at least having several phone calls and/or video chats before you set up a date. Not only will you weed out the cheaters, but you'll also get a better feel on whooo the guy really is. It's easy to have chemistry over text. Just stay aware, confident, and open and you'll come out unscathed and wiser, no matter the outcome
Gary S Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Online dating, along with blind dates set up by friends and family, are the top two ways people meet. 1
melissacus Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Top two ways maybe, but I would guess not so good outcomes most of the time!... then again, I've never tried either.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I know a lot of people are using online dating sites these days to meet guys, but honestly, I don't think it's the best way to meet men. Actually, I think it's the worst way to "meet" people and generally ends in failure. Not always, but most of the time. But, if you're wanting to use this medium, I would suggest at least having several phone calls and/or video chats before you set up a date. Not only will you weed out the cheaters, but you'll also get a better feel on whooo the guy really is. It's easy to have chemistry over text. Just stay aware, confident, and open and you'll come out unscathed and wiser, no matter the outcome This mindset is exactly why online dating feels forced and fails most of the time. People feel like they have to "get to know" someone before meeting with tons of emails, video chats, phone calls, etc.. So that by the time they meet there is so many expectations, and so much pressure, that it ultimately ends up feeling forced and awkward. They're unable to be in the moment and let chemistry develop because the process has been so convoluted and drawn out. One reason why I've always done relatively well online, is because I have a real life mindset. I get numbers within 2-3 emails, have a phone call to make sue and plan a date, and meet 2-3 days later. This allows me to be in the moment with the woman and not feel pressure. Why? I haven't build up any expectations. Then I just treat her like a woman I picked up in real life. Flirt, tease, be playful, and bring her out of her shell. The fact that I have real life experience and am not socially awkward, is what gives me a leg up in OLD. My GF (who I met online) would always either hug or cheek guys that tried to kiss her that she met online. But she was very receptive to me, and said that I was the first guy she ever met online who actually acted like a man and made the first "meet" feel like a date. 1
loveweary11 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I'll be retuning to NY in about 2 months for the summer. Get used to it.., it's a free for all up there. You will have to sift through tons and tons of people to find the gems. There are also more available women than men there, so keep that in mind as well. It's not like dating in other parts of the country. It's cutthroat just like the rest of everything else. Fast and furious... but never a dull moment. As far as online specifically, that's just a tool. line em up with that, meet them, then decide who is quality. Tip: to be sure a guy's nit married, drag him out on a weeknight or holiday.
Buddhist Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I'm still laughing from your post....here's why. If you're online the chances of meeting a cheater are very high. It's where they hang out and make contacts while pretending to be single. One of the easiest ways to check if your partner is cheating is to do a google image search then follow the links. You'll be surprised how often you will find a guy's photo's in multiple places and often dating sites or pseudo dating sites. Most guys are a bit thick too and usually tag their photo's with either their actual name or their nickname. It's like leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. Yes you can meet cheaters IRL too, but my experience is that the chances of finding a truly single guy on OLD are lower than IRL. Cheaters are time poor, they like methods that allow them to time their conversations with new contacts, away from their relationships and when it suits them. And the harsh truth about life. Pretty much everyone ends up with a cheater at some point. I don't know of anyone who hasn't had this experience. So if I were you, I'd be a bit more forgiving of yourself when the inevitable happens. You can't possibly know what your chemistry is with a person until you meet them face to face. Online conversations are always like that, because online conversations are a presentation that each person makes to the other. Gauge absolutely nothing until you have met in person. 1
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