punkrockin Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Well here it goes....Just some quick background. I am 30 years old. I have been in several LTR's throughout my life & a ton of flings. So I feel like I know my way around women pretty well. I am no stranger to dating and courting and all of that. There was a girl I dated when I was 18. I dated her for 2 years and I was just head over heals in love with her. I messed up that relationship by cheating. Even though we where kind of drifting apart because she went to college and I didn't. Either way it was an out for her and I messed up bad. So ever since then I have been trying to find that feeling again with women. 10 years go by and I have dated several women and what not but never found that feeling. I was starting to think that I would never find it again. I figured it was more ahh we work good together so lets get married. Well the last GF I had before this one we dated for 4 years. With a 1 year break in between the 4 years. This one ended badly both times. Both times she broke up with me out of the blue. No contact after that just gone & gone. Now that I think about most I am in happen like that. For some reason, we get in a fight, the relationship ends and then I never get to talk to them again. Almost all of them tell me that they don't trust themselves around me and it wouldn't be fair to see me again. So I just have to go cold turkey and deal with it. Anyway, I hated women after the last GF of 4 years. Then out of nowhere BOOM! I ran into this girl at my friends house and we just hit it off. I felt the same love that I felt in High School. I am head over heals again in love. I want to marry this girl. We never fight, we disagree but we end up solving the issue right then in there. She is a hairstylist with piercings, tattoos, crazy hair, messy and has a beater car. I am an IT guy, clean cut, nice car, no tattoos, piercings or anything like that. Opposites attract I guess. Anyway I love women that look like this. Especially the short hair. So right now it's been about 8 months in. She is on a trip for 10 days to California to meet her friend. We where 100% good until a few months ago on Saint Patrick's day. Basically to make a long story short. We where planning on meeting up at night in St. Paul after she was done with her friends. 11 PM rolls around and I don't hear anything. Next I hear from her is 10AM the next morning saying she lost her phone. I asked what happened and she said she didn't want to talk about it. Didn't want to fight and that all that happened was she got really drunk and lost her phone. When this went down that is when I started to get this gut feeling. It reminds me so much of my Ex because that is what she always used to do. I let that night slide. It was the first time something like that happened. Ever since then though everything seems different. She seems distant, sex doesn't seem as passionate. But she assures me that she loves me. She brought me over to her parents for Easter and I went there for XMas too. All her friends seem to like me and her family. One of her friends even said to me stop worrying she likes you. Stop being so needy. I don't know that I am needy I just thing I have some baggage I need to attend to. I don't want to bring my current GF into it though because I really love her and don't want to lose her. So right now she is California for 10 days like I said. She said that she would call me two nights in a row but hasn't. She has texted me a few times. I haven't been bugging her about though because I want to give her, her space. This is her best friend she is seeing. She didn't want to me go to California with her because it's a girls thing. Which I find funny because she's hanging out with dudes over there. All in All though I basically just don't want to waste my time. I am 30 and she is 25. We agree on not getting married for a while and not wanting kids for a while either. That is not what I want. But then again I don't want to waste my time. I guess is this baggage I am feeling? Is this me actually on to something? Is she just getting comfortable? She has showed me a picture of ring. She does refer we all the time in the future. She says I am the best thing that ever happened to her. No one has ever bough ten her flowers before or took her on a date like I did. She says the sex is amazing. But the problem is I have been told that by every GF I have ever had. All of them failed. Is it me? I swear I am losing my mind. I honestly hate being in Love and missing people. Thanks in advance!!!!!!! I wanted to spill my guts so here it is. I will be happy to provide more information. I am just looking for honest help here.
Omei Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 If shes bringing you home to her family and even her friends are telling you to stop worrying then stop worrying. I can't help but feel your so paranoid almost as if you think because you cheated in the past and lost your love that you think its your turn and you're on the edge of your seat waiting for it to happen, keep acting so freaked and it will you'll push her into someone else's arms. The girlfriend trip is fine, it makes sense if me and a girlfriend were doing a trip together I wouldnt invite my boyfriend, 3rd wheel do you really want to be singled out and left behind all trip with the activities they planned? Or worse she brings you and her friends time is ruined by the fact her friend has to constantly pay attention to her boyfriend.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Omei has a point, you should consider that view, However, I do feel like your feelings should matter here too. You're laying down and taking whatever she deems as ok, such as ditching you on St. Patty's and not talking about that day. As for not being invited on a trip to Cali with her friend? I don't think that's too much of a problem, really, in the end. However, to tell you that she would call only to never pick up the phone? I would also begin to wonder if she wants you to leave her alone. We agree on not getting married for a while and not wanting kids for a while either. That is not what I want. This statement right here may prove to be the underlying key To why this is happening, and to me, speaks very loudly, It seems you tell her one thing, and you mention you agree, But immediately afterward, you stand up for solution that you actually believe. If you were to ask me, I would say that you're bending to her will, Combine this with questionable behavior, the picture begins to fill, She doesn't respect you very much or how you feel about things, Or you're telling her it doesn't bother you, when it absolutely stings.
Buddhist Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Not really sure what help we can provide. There is no real evidence here of anything untoward nor is there evidence here of things being 100% okay. All we really have is what you have, that sudden change in behaviour and your gut feeling that it's happening all over again. Go with your gut I say. If you feel the need to satisfy yourself that everything's on the level then do it. Just trying to stuff that feeling down won't help. I remember clearly when I got back on a familiar rollercoaster in another relationship and it turned out to be an accurate indicator of what was going on. 1
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