redheaded-squirrel Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) Dear forum members, I'd love to hear some wise words from you, perhaps before I go to professional counselling, because this has been going on for too long... I met this guy at university some yrs ago and we became good friends, although I always wanted more. I asked our mutual friend whether I should make a move back then, because he was a) very shy and b) difficult to read, because he was such a gentleman that I never knew if he was flirting or just being nice. She (knowing him much better than I did) told me that I can "wait for months or years and he may love you, but he wouldn't make a move" (because of his shyness). I, because of the fear of rejection, have waited too long and moved away. We kept in contact on social media, then stopped, met again face-to-face, kept in contact again. This repeated once again last year (we met by accident) and we exchanged a few messages until early this year. I respectfully ended the communication by saying that I'll get back to him later, which I never did. Although we could talk for hours, had lots in common and we wrote long, long messages to each other, he would almost always take several days to respond. I ended it because I felt he was responding just out of politeness and that I was bothering him. The problem is that I miss him, more than I should miss someone who probably never wanted more than a friendship (I will never know). We never dated, so I feel ridiculous for missing him so much. He promised to let me know if he'll be moving to the same city as me this year. I think he knows that by now, he knows about my plans, but he's quiet...and foolishly, I feel hurt that he wouldn't keep his promise. I don't think this is a crush of some sort, because I DO know him for real, it's not that I am in love with my idea of him...I tried dating other people and failed miserably, because I compare them to him and even when I am with other men, I think of him. So apart from dating and keeping busy (doesn't work either because I think about him, not work), what else can I do to deal with it? To forget? To stop hoping? What helped you to move on? Edited April 15, 2015 by redheaded-squirrel
ZiggyZoo Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I read a lot of assuming that you know why he did this, or what he thinks of that. The thing is, you don't know WHAT he's thinking. There are any number of reasons why he took time to respond, only one of which concerns you. Start the ball rolling again by writing and asking what his plans for moving are. If you really care for him, then you're going to have to take some risks. Rejection sucks, but so does wasting years of your life wondering "what if?"
Author redheaded-squirrel Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 I read a lot of assuming that you know why he did this, or what he thinks of that. The thing is, you don't know WHAT he's thinking. There are any number of reasons why he took time to respond, only one of which concerns you. Start the ball rolling again by writing and asking what his plans for moving are. If you really care for him, then you're going to have to take some risks. Rejection sucks, but so does wasting years of your life wondering "what if?" True, I don't know exactly what he is or was thinking...but I think the time he took to reply (2-3 days, sometimes more), especially in our later conversations, was an indication of his level of interest, so I do assume he wasn't/isn't interested in me in a romantic way. Also, we were keeping it mostly virtual and we rarely met in person once we went to different schools, because he kept saying he was busy with school and didn't have time. He never offered to re-schedule, so again, I think that was an indication of little interest. Basically, I don't want to bother him with my messages anymore, and despite the fact that I will spend the rest of my life wondering "what if", I want to move on. So I was hoping to get some advice on how to do that, because neither dating nor work really help.
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