sutsie Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) For female dumpers in here, is there an idea of what amount of time passes in which a reconciliation happens or becomes impossible? Any stories or experiences? On one month of the break up and almost a full month of nc. Also are break-ups contagious? Like if someone's best friend and roommate breaks up with their boyfriend is it normal that the other does the same a week later? Edited April 15, 2015 by sutsie
jen1447 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I don't think it's a function of time, it's a function of the nature of the breakup. If a guy was revealed as a creeper, the expiration for reconciliation would be like 1/10 of one second after the breakup. If he was Mr. Wonderful who just didn't work out, it could be years.
hunk Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 No one knows the answers to either of those questions. There's no "expiration" date - reconciliation happens if there are still feelings on the dumper's side that are strong enough to warrant them wanting to give the relationship another go. These feelings could arise years down the line or months, or weeks, or days. You hear about people hearing from their ex years later asking for another chance. Everyone I know has had, at some point, their ex come back around asking for another go/showing interest, however I personally have never experienced this. So for me, I believe my windows closed the second the words left their mouths. Consider that this is a very real possibility (and probably the most likely one) too. As for the contagious thing, you're just trying to label being dumped as some sort of illness on behalf of your ex. Like she is sick and "not thinking straight" for dumping you and that the reason was because her friend did it so she mindlessly did the same. What really happened was her friend would have GIVEN her strength finally pull the plug. It was always going to happen. It's just human nature to need affirmation and support from others especially when making decisions like this and her friend would've given her just that. But be under no illusion - it was always going to happen.
Author sutsie Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 I'm not trying to label her as sick, she's always shown an interest in wanting to be like her friends as far back as high school and just because i'm trying to figure out what made her pull the trigger and everything else doesn't mean anything bad on me. I agree it was always going to happen and i never had the heart to pull the trigger, but as for your "human nature" stuff, it's also human nature after you're dumped to want to understand the reasoning behind such a decision. ok hunk?
Simon Phoenix Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I'm not trying to label her as sick, she's always shown an interest in wanting to be like her friends as far back as high school and just because i'm trying to figure out what made her pull the trigger and everything else doesn't mean anything bad on me. I agree it was always going to happen and i never had the heart to pull the trigger, but as for your "human nature" stuff, it's also human nature after you're dumped to want to understand the reasoning behind such a decision. ok hunk? What's the point of understanding the reason? What does that solve? You're still broken up. If anything, knowing the reason will drive you more crazy. Sometimes stuff isn't meant to be. Instead of trying to figure out her mentality, why not concentrate on yourself and things that YOU feel YOU might need to work on by YOURSELF. Looking for answers only brings more pain and confusion. You need to concentrate on the what more than the why, because you aren't going to get the why. And there's no window, no formula, nothing. Breakups are based on feelings, and feelings aren't logical, so stop trying to find logic in an illogical process. I know I sound harsh, but you are basically chasing your tail right now. 2
Author sutsie Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 yeah i'm not chasing tail buddy, it's called logically thinking, obviously you don't know how to do so. I'm trying to figure out how to avoid such a situation in my next relationship and you obviously don't understand anything like "the hunk" over there so go comment on someone else's post. It's called being an adult and treating the break up as a learning experience and not just accepting it as some bs break up. you really should rethink your position on things before you intrude on others business. try giving some real advice before you comment on people's stuff. I've accepted it and just want some stories and background info to gain a better understanding of things. So how about you do the same and try understanding other people's mindsets before you comment on something. I just want to treat everything as learning experience. you obviously can't learn or simply don't want to.
geronimo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 dude you're taking these advices way too personally and the wrong way. These guys are trying to help you out, they don't want you to dwell on something that may not happen. I know how you feel, i got out of a 5 year relationship, and I still love the girl while she is off with some other guy. I wish there was a window or formula or w/e for her coming back but the truth is she may never do so. And tbh I'm getting to the point where idk if i would even accept her back if she does. If it is easy for your girl to leave to begin with, what makes you so sure she won't do it again or have her hand on the eject button while she's in the RS with you. I understand you want to learn, I think this vid might help you, I know it did me wonders: Sometimes people show us their true selves and their true intent we just don't see it as that cuz we're so blinded by our love. When those signs arise you should address them in a proper and mature manner and if it doesn't get fixed thats when you should leave the RS. Also most times its not worth putting back a broken relationship, the trust is never 100% going to be there for the dumpee, you can lie to yourself and believe you may but down the line issues will arise cuz of it. I think thats the best thing you can learn from this.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 yeah i'm not chasing tail buddy,u it's called logically thinking, oiously you don't know how to dquestions thattrying to figure out how to avoid such a situation in my next relationship and you obviously don't understand anything like "the hunk" over there so go comment on someone else's post. It's called being an adult and treating the break up as a learning experience and not just accepting it as some bs break up. you really should rethink your position on things before you intrude on others business. try giving some real advice before you comment on people's stuff. I've accepted it and just want some stories and background info to gain a better understanding of things. So how about you do the same and try understanding other people's mindsets before you comment on something. I just want to treat everything as learning experience. you obviously can't learn or simply don't want to. Intrude on other people's business? Someone commenting on an open forum is intruding? Who knew? Good work putting people down who are trying to help. Real class. Simon is 100 percent right. I read all of your other post and you are chasing your own tail. You are trying to find answers to questions that dont have answers. You definately wont find it by looking at her social media sites. There is no window or anything like that. If they want to be with you, they would be. There isnt some two month NC window where they all the sudden like you again. Sometimes people just dont want to be with you anymore. Maybe they like someone else? Maybe they dont like you? Whatever the reason, it's waisted time. You'll figure that out soon enough.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 yeah i'm not chasing tail buddy, it's called logically thinking, obviously you don't know how to do so. I'm trying to figure out how to avoid such a situation in my next relationship and you obviously don't understand anything like "the hunk" over there so go comment on someone else's post. It's called being an adult and treating the break up as a learning experience and not just accepting it as some bs break up. you really should rethink your position on things before you intrude on others business. try giving some real advice before you comment on people's stuff. I've accepted it and just want some stories and background info to gain a better understanding of things. So how about you do the same and try understanding other people's mindsets before you comment on something. I just want to treat everything as learning experience. you obviously can't learn or simply don't want to. Dude.......
hunk Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 (edited) You're kidding yourself and acting completely deluded. You make a thread asking about reconciliation time frames and then try tell us you're simply asking all this for your NEXT relationship? Who are you trying to kid man, we are strangers on the internet giving you ADVICE and you're taking it like some personal attack. I made posts identical to this when I was in your position years ago. Everyone does. None of us know you. We're giving you advice based off your posts and our own experience and that's all. You're still in a headspin over your breakup and that's fine. But don't insult complete strangers who give you advice and their own perspective. No one is gonna tell you what you want to hear which is that you're ex is going to get back with you. She's not. What advice do you wanna hear? "Don't worry man she's definitely coming back! Follow these steps and she'll be knocking on your door in X amount of weeks!" You've received nothing but good advice, more genuine and objective advice than anyone who knows you in real life or personally would ever give you. Edited April 16, 2015 by hunk spelling 3
ZiggyZoo Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I'll bite. I've been a female dumper, and there was never a chance at a reconciliation for any of the relationships I've ended. I've had exs walk away quietly and one who bugged the sh*t out of me by trying to change my mind. None of it mattered, by the time I had made my decision I was done. Especially if they were argumentative and pissy, so take special notice there Absolutely, breakups are contagious. Well, not sure if "contagious" is the right word. I think it relates to the same instinct that will cause women to go to the bathroom in pairs, or when their menstrual cycles start to sync. I don't know, all I can tell you is that whenever one of my friends dumps her boyfriend, mine suddenly looks gross and I lose all attraction for him. Strange.
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