Been dating someone for 3 months - kind of clueless what this should be like

[Vixen32]

Ok - I'm a relative dating novice, so bare with me - I'm just trying to get a sense if the situation I'm in is typical, healthy, unhealthy, or whatever other type of description you think is appropriate/fair.

 

I've been dating someone for about 3 months - haven't had any explicit talk about exclusivity or where we see this relationship going, although based on conversations, I don't think either of us has seen anyone else for the past ~2 months.

 

First Month: Saw each other maybe once a week, truthfully I don't think there was a kiss or much physical contact - I think we were both pretty on the fence, and on some level it's surprising we made it past that month and didn't toss each other into the friend category

 

Second Month: Physical everything ramped up, the first half of the month we were seeing each other 3-4 times/week, but only making out about 75% of the time when we saw each other (sex about 50% of the time). By the end of the month we were seeing each other anywhere from 3-5 times a week, and typically spent the night together when we saw each other. Making out and sex were almost a given, if not multiple times. Typical activities were generally just hanging out, grabbing drinks, without anything too unusual or interesting other than the elevated romantic contact.

 

Third Month: Effectively a continuation of the end of the second month, but we see each other maybe 4-5 times/week, have contact basically every day, even if just text (although we probably see each other every day, I don't remember the last time we went 2 nights in a row apart - so at a minimum we see each other for a few minutes in the morning on the days when we don't spend the night together). Definitely engaging in more couple type, daytime activities. Sex is frequent, but not a daily occurrence when we see each other - probably 80%+ of the time (although if either of us wants it, it happens), kissing and making out a staple.

 

Anyhow, given my naivite, I'm wondering does this sound normal and healthy? Is it progressing too fast? Are we seeing each other too much? What does a relationship typically look like at this point (3-3.5 months) in terms of contact, intimacy level, etc.? Anything to look out for, or is it smooth sailing for a while?

 

Any thoughts would be very much appreciated.

[fitnessfan365]

Going into the third month, I'm glad to see that you two are doing more activities together. When a guy is serious about a woman he puts more effort into date planning. Before when you were hanging out indoors or just grabbing drinks, that sounds like more of a FWB set up.

 

Now that you two are starting to act like a couple more and backing off the physical just a bit, I'd say he's probably starting to get more emotionally invested. Don't get me wrong. I love sex with my GF. But sometimes it's nice just to have a date where I drop her off with a kiss good night. Makes her feel like I don't treat her like a piece of meat (although she loves being my sex object...Haha)

 

However, I'd recommend that you at least hint at being exclusive if only for the fact that multiple sexual partners isn't a good idea. If you're going to be getting hot and heavy with someone on a regular basis, you want to make sure that you're both monogamous. Date frequency seems a bit on the high side for only three months. I usually keep it at 3x a week for awhile. But what matters in the end is that you two are good with it. Just make sure that if he wants space, or you need time to yourself, that you have that. Clingy and co-dependency isn't attractive.

[Gary S]

Sounds good to me, enjoy

[Ninjainpajamas]

Are the woman trying to speculate or curious about a relationship? what is your agenda here? because the question isn't entirely really clear as to what you're asking.

 

I'm going to assume you're the woman and it's the famous "is this going anywhere?" kind of question...which in this situation it may be heading towards a relationship or exclusivity phase or not.

 

If you don't know what is going on, and you're just leaving it in the other persons hands...then what exactly are you trying to do or communicate? are you just hoping to fall into a relationship without having to put in any effort or communicate so?

 

Otherwise it's "healthy" enough, there's nothing wrong with it, I think you're going at a fairly normal pace...however if you're someone who is hoping for a relationship then I'd start to have more serious conversations, which for some reason many people have a hard time doing...like you can't express how you feel, which what's the damn point?

 

Depends what you consider "intimacy"...you're already having sex, and having "couple-like" behavior...which if you're just doing those actions then it can mean entirely and absolutely nothing...there is no guarantee things will fall into a relationship/exclusivity status, so reading into these small details and trying to figure out the bigger picture of what is going to happen is just you waiting on your heels.

 

However if you're just worried for the sake of being paranoid and worried that you're somehow not doing things right or feeling insecure about something, or maybe apart or all of the above then things are going "fine" in terms of the typical stages of expectations...if that answers your question.

 

You need to have your own boundaries and expectations...for someone like me I would never to think to myself if this is the "right pace" or it's healthy or unhealthy...unless I've got some kind of issue I'm trying to overcome and have no compass of what is to be expected...but personally I make these determinations within myself, based on how I feel and knowing what I want...I then communicate that to the other person typically, for better or worse.

 

So I think you just need to figure out what you want, if you communicate and express yourself and become comfortable in your skin, you won't need some kind of outward compass...but first you've got to be self-aware and know what you want, and be brave enough to have those conversations or do the things you need to do to get what you want...it's all about personal expectations and boundaries.

 

Some people spend a lifetime being strung along, others want to be practically married or in a serious relationship by date 3...depends on how you do it and what you're after...not that you will get those things if you don't know what you're doing, and it should be your desire and expectation that the other person desires the same thing...not just think about what YOU want, that's a big mistake many women make in the dating world. If you're a guy however, then you would just be insecure about yourself.

[Vixen32]

Are the woman trying to speculate or curious about a relationship? what is your agenda here? because the question isn't entirely really clear as to what you're asking.

 

I'm going to assume you're the woman and it's the famous "is this going anywhere?" kind of question...which in this situation it may be heading towards a relationship or exclusivity phase or not.

 

If you don't know what is going on, and you're just leaving it in the other persons hands...then what exactly are you trying to do or communicate? are you just hoping to fall into a relationship without having to put in any effort or communicate so?

 

Otherwise it's "healthy" enough, there's nothing wrong with it, I think you're going at a fairly normal pace...however if you're someone who is hoping for a relationship then I'd start to have more serious conversations, which for some reason many people have a hard time doing...like you can't express how you feel, which what's the damn point?

 

Depends what you consider "intimacy"...you're already having sex, and having "couple-like" behavior...which if you're just doing those actions then it can mean entirely and absolutely nothing...there is no guarantee things will fall into a relationship/exclusivity status, so reading into these small details and trying to figure out the bigger picture of what is going to happen is just you waiting on your heels.

 

However if you're just worried for the sake of being paranoid and worried that you're somehow not doing things right or feeling insecure about something, or maybe apart or all of the above then things are going "fine" in terms of the typical stages of expectations...if that answers your question.

 

You need to have your own boundaries and expectations...for someone like me I would never to think to myself if this is the "right pace" or it's healthy or unhealthy...unless I've got some kind of issue I'm trying to overcome and have no compass of what is to be expected...but personally I make these determinations within myself, based on how I feel and knowing what I want...I then communicate that to the other person typically, for better or worse.

 

So I think you just need to figure out what you want, if you communicate and express yourself and become comfortable in your skin, you won't need some kind of outward compass...but first you've got to be self-aware and know what you want, and be brave enough to have those conversations or do the things you need to do to get what you want...it's all about personal expectations and boundaries.

 

Some people spend a lifetime being strung along, others want to be practically married or in a serious relationship by date 3...depends on how you do it and what you're after...not that you will get those things if you don't know what you're doing, and it should be your desire and expectation that the other person desires the same thing...not just think about what YOU want, that's a big mistake many women make in the dating world. If you're a guy however, then you would just be insecure about yourself.

 

Apparently you missed the questions - sorry if they were buried:

 

1. Does this (dating situation) sound normal and healthy? Is it progressing too fast? Are we seeing each other too much?

 

2. What does a relationship typically look like at this point (3-3.5 months) in terms of contact, intimacy level, etc.?

 

The rest of your response - I don't really know where it was going, and I got thrown for a loop in terms of why you would give different answers based on gender - as dating/relationship is an intrinsically 2 party situation, so normal or healthy is a 2 way street, meaning that gender isn't really a huge factor.

[Leigh 87]

It depends on the level of chemistry.

 

Although your pace is very normal. The question is, are you "growing slowly" to love one another, or are you falling head over heels in love?

 

I can take you through how myself and many other couples I know of, felt towards their relationships early on and I will highlight the varying levels of chemistry that was present.

 

Intense chemistry looks like this: you feel strong emotions very early on, you are " crazy about each other".

You cannot wait to see one another. You cannot help but keep regular contact from day one; you have both gotten under each others skin.

You feel more intense emotions for this person effortlessly and without knowing them, you think about them often and you have a silly school girl like crush.

You REALLY hope they like you back.

You feel like you are falling " in love" as opposed to just spending time with a nice person and gradually growing feelings. With intense chemistry feelings tend to be there early on and without effort.

You cannot keep your hands off one another, and you think of them sexually very early on.

Intense chemistry plus compatibility causes you to fall " in love" within a few months. By around the 3 month mark. Or earlier.

 

Medium chemistry looks like this:

You text and call when you get the chance and you do look forward to dates, but there are no overwhelming feelings of excitment surrounding this person. It all feels very normal, you have felt this way before about many others.

You aren't that phased as to whether they like you back.

You are on the fence about one another for a few months and you don't " fall in love", but you grow to love one another over 6 - 12 months. You bypass the " in love" feeling, and you gradually grow to love one another slowly. There is no intense burst of emotions at any time. Things develope slowly emotionally.

 

Then there is the purely companionate love, LOW chemistry based relationships.....that grows out of two friends who have rather platonic feelings, but you grow to admire and respect one anither to the point where you want to be with them; the sex is never explosive but it can be good. There is nothing "intense" about this style of relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Personally, I hold out for intene chemistry and compatibility. I don't settle for less than a man who is enamoured by me. And who I have a silly school girl crush on and feel super excited about seeing.

[Gary S]

OP are you in love? Is he in love?

[Leigh 87]

Every couple I know of who had the intense romantic chemistry were in love by 3 months.

 

If a man doesn't know whether or not he is in love within 6 months, he never will be.

[Vixen32]

OP are you in love? Is he in love?

 

It's relatively intense, which is fun and exciting - I definitely think about seeing them fairly often, and it would be pretty hard if they just outright dumped me right now. That said, sure, I could say love, but I also realize that it's pretty early in a relationship, and my perspective is likely a bit clouded.

 

I'm guessing they're in a similar situation - it's pretty mutual, intense, fun, etc. - Love has never been discussed or mentioned, but it's hard to think that the notion is off the radar.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Sounds normal. First month sounded very platonic so yeah its amazing you both stuck it out lol.

 

Have fun.

[Vintage79]

Sounds typical and nice - I'd enjoy it. If seeing each other, sex, etc., seems pretty mutual, and both of you are initiating, I think you're in good shape. If there is that much contact, and only one of you is really initiating, it may be a sign that someone is getting burned out, or perhaps overextending themselves in the relationship - so I'd recommending following the other person - if you initiate much more frequently, slow down a bit and see if they fill in the gaps, or just want a bit more space...this works, as long as you're comfortable with what they want.

 

As for sex frequency - it varies - sometimes early on (for me) it's a couple times a day, almost every day (say 10+ times/week), other times it's nice just to be close to each other, without worrying about the sex (it creates a different type of intimacy and closeness). Basically, if it flows and ebbs, don't worry about it too much (i.e. 10+ times/week one week, 1-2 times the next), as long as it goes both ways. At month 3, if you're not (on average) ~3 times/week, you're likely in for a low sex relationship if it persists, which some people are comfortable and happy with.