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Turning down a date is one way to exercise challenge


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Posted

It is often taught by many dating coaches that women are attracted to men who are a challenge. Now this doesn't mean that being a challenge alone will help a man's cause. Obviously if he doesn't pass the physical attraction test and have other things going for him then challenge won't work. The woman must have some initial interest in him to begin with for challenge to work as a boost to build compound interest level from her end.

 

Exercising challenge is like investing money. Over time that money builds interest.

 

My theory is that one way to exercise challenge is turn down a woman's offer for a date or sex sometimes. I think that if I am quick to accept every offer of a date or sex then I am being too available and not showing her that I don't need her. Once a woman thinks you need her then she has all the power and she will take you for granted.

 

The best thing a man can do is work on improving himself and let women come to him. Then when she asks him out on a date he is to decline politely the first time as a way of playing hard to get. If she asks me out for a drink or to grab lunch I can say no thanks I am busy.

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Posted

It is better for men to risk not being obvious enough in revealing their interest level than to risk being too obvious.

Posted
It is often taught by many dating coaches that women are attracted to men who are a challenge. Now this doesn't mean that being a challenge alone will help a man's cause. Obviously if he doesn't pass the physical attraction test and have other things going for him then challenge won't work. The woman must have some initial interest in him to begin with for challenge to work as a boost to build compound interest level from her end.

 

Exercising challenge is like investing money. Over time that money builds interest.

 

My theory is that one way to exercise challenge is turn down a woman's offer for a date or sex sometimes. I think that if I am quick to accept every offer of a date or sex then I am being too available and not showing her that I don't need her. Once a woman thinks you need her then she has all the power and she will take you for granted.

 

The best thing a man can do is work on improving himself and let women come to him. Then when she asks him out on a date he is to decline politely the first time as a way of playing hard to get. If she asks me out for a drink or to grab lunch I can say no thanks I am busy.

 

Good luck wid dat. That's the same theory that women apply sometimes. It's about balance. The man initiates, the women is receptive if she's interested. If she's turning down dates that she actually wants to go on just for the sake of playing the challenge game, then she's not going to be going out on too many dates. Same for men.

 

If a woman initiates a date or sex with you and you want to do that, then do it.

 

Once a woman thinks you need her then she has all the power and she will take you for granted. -- This statement really goes to the subject of neediness. If you're being needy and wanting to see her all the time, etc., she will pull away some. Then you do the challenge thing not to play games, but to demonstrate that you're not being needy or are changing that pattern.

Posted

Haha.. I posted about this several times awhile ago. I ask a woman when she's free. Then I ALWAYS turn down her first offer and let her know I have plans. It communicates I won't re-arrange my life for a stranger and that I have a life outside of her Plus, women secretly like a guy they have to work a bit harder to get. Then when she offers a second option, I accept if it works with my schedule.

 

But even though being a little bit of a challenge is a good thing (especially in the beginning) you want to be genuine and direct for the most part. Being too aloof, and playing games, doesn't let a woman get to know the real you. So don't get too hung up on always being unavailable, waiting three days, etc.. Confident guys go after what they want and ignore "dating rules" because they don't give a crap.

 

** The ONLY exception I made to this recently was advising a guy to wait at least three days to send a woman a message on Facebook after they had drinks because he forgot to get her number and tracking a woman can come off as stalkerish behavior.

Posted

You guys are taking it too far. For one thing, you never turn down sex or affection, unless you are sick, or unless you are practicing tough love because she's been a bad girl. Hopefully, the woman is a good catch and you never have to go to tough love.

 

And you don't turn down dates... if you are busy, you simply reschedule. But don't just turn down a date... it's one thing to not be too easy, but don't be mean. It's not nice. Be nice, just not a pushover.

 

Playing hard to get is about not going to fast, and it's mostly for the first couple of months. After a couple months, you can ease up. It's primarily about helping nice guys who have no game from doing the stupid stuff they see in movies... like giving flowers on a first date, or planning a date while on a date, or calling a girl right after the date and throwing up all over the phone, telling her she's God's gift to man.

 

Don't get too carried away with this playing hard to get thing, keep it in perspective... remember, love is primarily a woman's game... guys just go along for the ride! The best you can do is match her, or maybe bow out before she does at best. If you try to beat them at their own game, you are in for a world of hurt.

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Posted
You guys are taking it too far. For one thing, you never turn down sex or affection, unless you are sick, or unless you are practicing tough love because she's been a bad girl. Hopefully, the woman is a good catch and you never have to go to tough love.

 

And you don't turn down dates... if you are busy, you simply scheduled. But don't just turn down a date... it's one thing to not be too easy, but don't be mean. It's not nice. Be nice, just not a pushover.

 

Playing hard to get is about not going to fast, and it's mostly for the first couple of months. After a couple months, you can ease up. It's primarily about helping nice guys who have no game from doing the stupid stuff they see in movies... like giving flowers on a first date, or planning a date while on a date, or calling a girl right after the date and throwing up all over the phone, telling her she's God's gift to man.

 

Don't get too carried away with this playing hard to get thing, keep it in perspective... remember, love is primarily a woman's game... guys just go along for the ride! The best you can do is match her, or maybe bow out before she does at best. If you try to beat them at their own game, you are in for a world of hurt.

 

If you try to beat them at their own game -- if they are playing a game with each other, it's Twister, because that's what's going to happen. Things are gonna get twisted and there won't be any winners.

Posted

My theory is that one way to exercise challenge is turn down a woman's offer for a date or sex sometimes. I think that if I am quick to accept every offer of a date or sex then I am being too available and not showing her that I don't need her. Once a woman thinks you need her then she has all the power and she will take you for granted.

 

The best thing a man can do is work on improving himself and let women come to him. Then when she asks him out on a date he is to decline politely the first time as a way of playing hard to get. If she asks me out for a drink or to grab lunch I can say no thanks I am busy.

 

Are you out of your mind?

 

All you are doing here is reversing gender roles. If you believe going against what people are naturally wired for then good luck to you. Let us know how it goes.

 

You are allowed to be busy, you are allowed to refuse a date because you have something else but if you say no thank you to a date offer without offering an alternative date and time then you will be seen as uninterested and the woman won't waste her time with you.

 

As for refusing sex lol, refusing sex to a woman when she initiates it is the BIGGEST rejection of them all. It's extremely hard on a woman's ego and it can even bruise her ego to a point of no return. You sure you want to go there?

  • Like 4
Posted
Are you out of your mind?

 

All you are doing here is reversing gender roles. If you believe going against what people are naturally wired for then good luck to you. Let us know how it goes.

 

You are allowed to be busy, you are allowed to refuse a date because you have something else but if you say no thank you to a date offer without offering an alternative date and time then you will be seen as uninterested and the woman won't waste her time with you.

 

As for refusing sex lol, refusing sex to a woman when she initiates it is the BIGGEST rejection of them all. It's extremely hard on a woman's ego and it can even bruise her ego to a point of no return. You sure you want to go there?

 

- Exactly.

Posted (edited)

I love a challenge...i love to challenge myself....but as far as dates go and guys......i dont need challenge.......i need to trust them and that means honesty so i know where and with whom i stand.......to me denying affection and or dates to make yourself more interesting is a farce ...it isnt truth.and i dont operate that way myself...if a truly like a guy and hav einterest........i date them i dont play hard to get..to em a guy playing games is more effeminate and manipulative than manly and determined........I expect honesty that turns me on

 

i havent been rejected that much in the dating arena..hardly ever actually....because i dont ask first...but when i do ....i would prefer a guy not play the challenge game with me....it just confuses me...to me its more feminine than masculine.......deb

Edited by todreaminblue
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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