sanne Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Well me and my ex still see each other a lot and occassionally have sex, but I feel like this isn't what I want. What I miss most from our relationship is not the sex, it's just having someone that will be there for me. Despite our current situation, I still feel lonely without her by my side like she used to be. She's so busy with work and family that I doubt she ever gets time to really sit and think like I do. Sometimes I feel like we're just two totally different people when it comes to our wants/needs in a relationship. She is so independent that it scares me, she doesn't rely on anyone to help her through tough times and she hides it all inside. I just wish i could find someone who wasn't so wishy-washy, and who wouldn't be afraid to show me that they really do care.
clone56 Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 damn man, i feal the same.. u wonder how they move on so fast and seam like they dont even care. Me and my ex of 6 years broke up and 4 months later its like we never existed. Its so messed up right now and life doesnt even seam real without them.. Stay strong and keep working at it. let me know
BrotherAaron Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 If you keep seeing her like that, you're going to keep getting torn up inside. The reason you are feeling lonely is because she isn't giving you real affection... just false hope and sex. If you want to feel better then stop seeing her. If you want a relationship, make her choose between giving you a relationship (and sex w/o commitment is not a relationship) and losing you all together. Tell her that if she doesn't date you, she's going to lose you... and follow through. Ignore her calls, ignore her. I got caught in the trap you're in... but my fellow loveshackers told me to get out and I did. They said I'd get over her, and I did. And they said she might even start to miss me... and she did. One day, I told my friend "I wish she would beg for me back so I could have the satisfaction of letting her know that she ****ed up, and she can't fix it." Well, that's exactly what happened... and now I'm moving on and she's still crying about it. Don't give her your affection and your time if she isn't giving you exactly what you want. Love and relationships are just like any other part of your life; you've got to stick up for yourself and insist that something improve if it isn't working for you.
demonfall Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Nice to hear you're doing better BrotherAaron. Haven't seen you post in a while. At least on none of the threads i read. My ex has yet to beg for us to get back together. I'd like the same satisfaction you got, but really don't care one way or the other anymore. I've been hanging out with a few very beautiful, smart and funny women I work with, and I'm enjoying myself. So, sanne, BrotherAaaron's right. If you keep seeing her this way, it won't be good for you. She may be getting what she wants out of it, but your getting your heart dragged through the dirt like most of us here have/are. Talk to her and tell her how you feel, and go from there depending on her reaction. It'll hurt, but you'll probably have to just cut her loose.
latefragment Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 i'm in the exact same situation as you - settling for FWB even though i just want affection and companionship, someone to talk to, someone to be there for me right now when my life is scattered all over the place... gosh i feel like throwing up right now, or just lying down and curling up into a ball, i don't know what's wrong with me, why i feel so strong sometimes, and then seeing him sets me back and i fall apart like so many lego pieces... i need help... and i know only i can help myself... i have to help myself, i can't keep on crying out for help... it's hard, i feel so weak sometimes...
LoveAlways Posted April 19, 2005 Posted April 19, 2005 Sanne - you must stop the occasional sex, it's so damaging to the coping process. PLUS do you think this woman will ever pine over you in the way you do her if you are GIVING her sex when she pleases...She's all happy go lucky afterwards and you sit there reflective and hurt. My ex-boyfriend came to visit me the other day and he pinned me down on the bed and started kissing and squeezing me and laughing at me and it was heart wrenching. I shouted at him. I'm trying to get over the person and then they come and f*ck it up with their affection. I can only imagine what you must feel when you're given something as intimate as sex followed by your own lonely cold isolation. Thats terrible... Stop the sex... I know its hard, but its not condusive to coping and more than you using her, she's using you because she wants no more than sex whereas you do.
Author sanne Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 it's so hard guys, I know some of you have gone through a lot worse than I have but it's like I keep doing this to myself and I can't stop. I get the motivation to do NC and stop seeing her, and she keeps drawing me back in. Just yesterday she sends me this txt message that says "you mean so much to me and i appreciate you a lot". I mean it's seriously like a battle each and every day. I'm gonna do it, i'm gonna tell her what it is that I want and if she doesn't want the same then we just can't be friends, FWB, or anything.
demonfall Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Good for you. It won't be easy, and will be extremely emotional. Telling my ex I couldn't be friends was very rough for me, especially since I love her son as much as her. Now that it's been over a month since I've seen her it's gotten better. You just have to do what's best for you.
Author sanne Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 i finally did it guys. i asked her about us, and she told me she thinks it would be a good idea if we dated other people first before we dated again. I dunno, i just don't like the idea that she thinks she can have me on the back-burner. So i told her flat out i couldn't be her friend, and that she had lost me forever and that i would never take her back. Whoa i feel very strange right now.
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