Don't want to cut off all contact but...

[luzecita]

So it's been like maybe a month since the breakup and I've been taking steps to get over my ex. I've put away reminders, deleted everything but his snapchat, and have been working on myself. My main problem right now is that there are days i still want to go over to his place and that he still contacts me, leaving me slightly upset afterwards.

 

The reason i haven't deleted his snapchat originally was that i didn't want to talk to him about it. He's moved on. Now I'm thinking that it's because I'm scared of losing that last bit of him that i have and ruining the tentative friendship we have. Which is why i haven't told him to stop texting me either despite always wanting more out of the conversation once it's ended.

 

I guess to keep up appearances, I've also gone over to his place twice since his mom and him have said I'm always welcome. I hung out for maybe thirty minutes watching him play games before leaving and it was fine when i was there. But there are days where i feel like going over just to see him and i know i probably shouldn't but it's difficult to shake the feeling.

 

I've tried talking to a couple pepeople about it but I'm not sure what to do at this point honestly. Any advice on how to deal with this is appreciated.

[Throldur]

You're only delaying the healing process.

 

If you want to get back with him.. all you can do is go NC and don't respond to anything except "I want to try again".

[Zetec]

You're never going to heal, and move on unless you remove him completely from your life.

 

When my girlfriend left me, one of the hardest things I did was remove everything that reminded me of her. Removed her off Facebook, Instagram, snapchat, deleted old text messages and deleted photos on my phone. It was hard, and I felt terrible for a while, but I was stuck in a rut obsessing over what she is doing - which isn't healthy. I also stopped going to places I knew she could be (bars, shops, locations etc)

 

It doesn't happen initially, but after a while it does help. I am coming up to 3 months NC and trust me, it does help and get better. Completely removing her from my life means I can safely use Facebook, Instagram and look through pictures on my phone without coming across something that triggers old memories and breaks my heart.

 

Trust me, go NC - I can't emphasis this enough.

 

Good luck - you can do this.

[HumptyDumpty]

Guess I'm lucky to have my fits sometimes, I just delete everything related to that person! Oh boy, have I regretted it in the past but it was for the better!

 

You'll get over him, there's no question about that! But it's amazing how "love" blinds oneself, though it's more like the ego, the desires et co that make you feel hurt now! You need to stop all contact and delete that snapchat of his, why would you want to keep it?! It's not like he's coming back via snapchat, c'mon, who'd need a wimp like that anyway?! Cut the contact. Don't stalk him, you're not welcome, you're an ex, don't abuse those empty "friendly" words to see him or his mum!

 

Now, that's for the advice part! I'd be surprised if it really got to you, it's something nobody want to hear! I mean he's so into you that he prefers playing games to not see you/talk with you! He's so in love with you that he's fine to be broken up with you in order to mingle with all the other chicks! You're so "in love" that you've thrown your self-worth overboard, coming across as needy, it's like carrying a huge sign "screw me over, I'm worth nothing anyway"! Don't do that. It's a waste of time for everyone if you decide to keep being hung up over something that isn't anymore. There's nothing you can do to change it, accept the reality here, it's over, cry a bit and then occupy your body (exercise) and mind!

[RoseHeart]

Staying in contact with a someone you are in love with but who doesn't want to be with you is pointless. You say yourself that you find yourself wanting more after each text message. The fact is... this will not change! You'll keep feeling that way and if anything it will only get worse. So essentially it's a hopeless exercise. He needs to decide he wants to get back with you so no amount of texting and staying in contact will change that. If anything the fact that you're still in his life without him having to commit or be serious will only make him take you for granted and there's no incentive for him to get back with you because there's nothing for him to take back. You're still in his life... nothing has changed except he is now free to do whatever he wants while he keeps you there on the side and you're playing right into his hand by still being available.

 

You need to step it up and become unavailable for a while so he can take you seriously and realize what is at stake. If he cannot be with you then don't give him all the benefits and be his friend and talk to him and hang out.... that is the worst thing you can right now actually because it's hurting you in the process.

 

You have to realize that you make your own decisions. You can stay stuck here forever or move on and see what the future holds. If you are going with the latter then it means yes, cutting contact with him and letting go of everything for now and just healing & focusing on yourself.

[Twigyy]

I know it will hurt but you'll have to say bye bye and leave forever. You don't want to marry someone who doesn't love you. You'll need to delete him off your phone, and block him on social networks. You're giving him comfort without him needing to give anything. He is probably the one who gave up on the relationship, so you'll have to leave. It won't feel good but trust me you'll surely feel better.

 

FYI me and my ex girlfriend broke up three months ago. Took me a month to cut off contacts. But I immediately cut her off after. Now I'm on two months of NC and I feel so much better. Haven't seen her since the break up and don't want to see her again.

 

Don't hurt yourself anymore. find yourself again, and enjoy life like how you did before you found him.