Riptide91 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Hey all, so a pretty simple question I've been wondering myself lately: when is the right time to start dating after a breakup? Obviously I'm not looking for answers like "2 months" or "1 year" because that would depend on healing, but what qualities would one look for in their new found self (which I think I have found) to be ready to date again? I would never want to use someone as a rebound, but I do fantasize the idea of having a new girlfriend every once in a while.
Throldur Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Hey all, so a pretty simple question I've been wondering myself lately: when is the right time to start dating after a breakup? Obviously I'm not looking for answers like "2 months" or "1 year" because that would depend on healing, but what qualities would one look for in their new found self (which I think I have found) to be ready to date again? I would never want to use someone as a rebound, but I do fantasize the idea of having a new girlfriend every once in a while. Probably, as I would imagine.. when you stop thinking about your ex-girlfriend. I'd love a new girlfriend.. but how can I do that when I still wish that my ex will come back? Wouldn't be fair if I got with someone, the ex comes calling and I drop her.
GoBlue Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Hi Riptide91 - that's a pretty deep question with no certain answer. The fact that you are asking it though indicates that you are on the right track. In my mind, I feel that the right time for a relationship comes about when you aren't trying to heal your hurt by being romantically involved with someone else. In other words, you have resolved the hurt within yourself to such an extent that being happy is not dependent upon being involved in a "dating relationship." Clearly the purpose of any romantic relationship is to love one another to the point that neither is trying to use the other. It is mutual care and concern. If you are involved with someone for the sole purpose of sucking something you need out of them than that is certainly unhealthy, selfish, and a sign that you are not ready. Again, these are my own thoughts and I am not a professional counselor. But I did stay at Holiday Inn last night! No, I didn't. LOL! Hope this is a help. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 1
Methodical Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 When you are ready to share yourself with another person, not for show or to kill the pain, but because you are ready to put the past behind you and move forward.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 When you: a) are over your last relationship b) are feeling good about yourself again c) just know you're ready B is so important as you will attract and be attracted to a higher quality mate if you're in the right place mentally, emotionally and physically.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I waited until I found someone I was genuinely interested in dating. About a year post-breakup.
Throldur Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I think I figured it out.. when you think you can date someone and if your ex came back, said they want to try again and you would have no intention of doing it. Right now if I was dating someone, depending on the quality of them, obviously, if my ex messaged me to try again, I would. So, I'm not ready yet.
Author Riptide91 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 That's a good way to look at it Throldur. I have been thinking about this topic for a while, because the more I work on myself the more I realize I like having someone to do things with and for, maybe that's not such a good thing, I just miss having someone to share my day with whether it's together or just talking. I do still think about my ex every once in a while but no where near the way I was a month ago. I think I'll keep working on myself and if someone happens to come along I'll cross that bridge then, I don't think I'll go out of my way to date just yet. The only other dilemma is, what if the last step of my moving on is actually getting a new girlfriend? Does that sound rebound-y?
ravfour4 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I'm very confident I'm ready for casual dating. The factors that make me know that are: -I'm not consumed by the break-up and constantly thinking about it. -I feel emotionally stable and have come to logical terms with what happened in my past relationship. -I no longer compare every girl to my ex I don't think I'm ready for anything serious since a part of me still wants my ex back, but it's a small part and I'm confident that if I meet the right woman, that small part would disappear instantly, just like it did when I met my ex after my ex-ex. If I was casually with another woman now and my ex asked for me back, it def wouldn't be an instant yes, I'd really have to think it through and it'd be a hard decision unless the new girl was amazing.
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