MadDog Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Hello there relationship gurus. I've got a question for you. Do you think long distance relationships can make people insecure even if they're normally not? I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 6 months. My GF and I were best friends before we got together. To make the long story short, my GF doesn't want me hanging out with one of my female friends (let's call her Jessica). This is due to the fact that I mentioned to my GF (before we were together) that I found Jessica to be hot but I wouldn't try anything considering she's engaged. I may have been attracted to Jessica when I was first getting to know her but after becoming friends, I don't see her in that light anymore. I tried explaining this to my GF and do you think it changed anything? Of course not (why else would I be writing this.) As it turned out, my GF doesn't want me hanging out with Jessica anymore (either alone or in a group.) I can understand why she doesn't want me hanging out with her one on one but I think wanting me to avoid her, even in a group situation is a little extreme. My GF insists she trusts me but this is obviously a case of insecurity. Do you think she'd be much more secure about things if we weren't long distance? I'd hate to think she's going to be like this even when we eventually live in the same town. I give a lot of trust but require a lot as well. Also, the ultimate irony is that one of her closer friends is a guy that's not so secretly wanted to get into her panties for years. He even gets upset when they're on the phone and she has to go because I called and she wants to talk to me! Does he really expect to be a priority over her own BF? What a chump. The point is, I don't get twisted over the fact that I know one of the friends she always talks with has a thing for her. The way I figure, if nothing has happened after all this time, nothing ever will. And if something were to happen, it'd be her loss. I guess I'd want that kind of trust and am hoping I'd get it once we switch to a non-long distance.
moimeme Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 One of the essential elements of a relationship is trust - and the trust both parties need is trust in love itself. Lots and lots of people, however, live lives of fear - fear of betrayal, for instance, and fear of loss. They see the TV shows and the movies and the news and they start thinking all humans are untrustworthy. It's not true, of course, but it's a difficult belief to dislodge from people. Distance, I suppose, can make insecurities worse but plenty of people are very insecure even when they live with their SOs. It's too bad you confessed your attraction to this girl. Your gf thinks that you will always be attracted to her. It's unfair of her to ask you to avoid even group activities that include this girl. Does your gf have another friend in that group who could report back to her about how you behave when you're out? Maybe that would appease her. Otherwise, how many social functions would you have to avoid to avoid this person - would it be just a few events (in which case, why not go along) or is it your regualar group you'd have to shun?
Author MadDog Posted April 17, 2005 Author Posted April 17, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme One of the essential elements of a relationship is trust - and the trust both parties need is trust in love itself. Lots and lots of people, however, live lives of fear - fear of betrayal, for instance, and fear of loss. They see the TV shows and the movies and the news and they start thinking all humans are untrustworthy. It's not true, of course, but it's a difficult belief to dislodge from people. Distance, I suppose, can make insecurities worse but plenty of people are very insecure even when they live with their SOs. It's too bad you confessed your attraction to this girl. Your gf thinks that you will always be attracted to her. It's unfair of her to ask you to avoid even group activities that include this girl. Does your gf have another friend in that group who could report back to her about how you behave when you're out? Maybe that would appease her. Otherwise, how many social functions would you have to avoid to avoid this person - would it be just a few events (in which case, why not go along) or is it your regualar group you'd have to shun? Yeah, I realized my GF's request to avoid my friend in all situations was unfair so I didn't agree to that. Jessica is in my regular group of friends so it'd be impossible to avoid her completely unless I ditch all my friends (which obviously isn't an option.) My GF doesn't have any friends that could act as her spy either. I'm really hoping that the distance and the fact that our relationship is relatively new are the main reasons why she's being insecure. I don't know how I would handle her being like this indefintely. I guess that's one of the disadvantages of being a good-looking, intelligent, overall desirable guy. Any girl you're with assumes all the other girls in the world are out to get you.
moimeme Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 I guess that's one of the disadvantages of being a good-looking, intelligent, overall desirable guy. You forgot 'modest and unassuming'
Recommended Posts