phone block dilema

[fireflywy]

Broke up two months ago. Yesterday it is confirmed that she now has another guy and only within a month of breaking up. I wasn't sure before, but now I am. I was with her for 1.5 years and wasnt treated the best. I broke up with her because she didn't seem care and didn't treat me well. I suspect that I was rebound after her marriage.

 

After I broke up with her, I talked to her for about a week regretting my decision and got a run around of indecisiveness on her part and her not knowing how she felt. My story is posted here and is not as simplistic as "What did you expect? You broke up with her!" As walk day wasn't a simple "We're done" but more of a "I love you, want you, but I'm.leaving you because you don't sound as.if you feel the same" to which she merely shrugged and said "Okay.I don't fight for those who want to leave." Next two weeks tried to reconcile and finally,.finally vented and was put on ignore for expressing simply expressing my frustrations for the FIRST TIME.

 

Anyway she had always described herself as cold. I on the other hand, had always thought that she'd reach out for me because she knew that I really cared. Well, its been over 60 days since I last tried.contacting her and leaving a message on her voicemail and I have received nothing. I now know, for sure, that's she moved on.

 

I keep looking at my phone and thinking that she'll still call me but I know she won't. I've always told her that I wanted her to be happy because I loved her and that I'd always be here if she needed me, but, feeling as I feel now, used as band aid following her divorce and then being so easily discarded after doing my best with her (she is.very self absorbed so me breaking up with her probably made her think "How dare he!") I don't think I want her to talk to me anymore.

 

I'm conflicted. I'm an honorable man. I believe that when a man has nothing else left, there is always honor. However, I'm also hurt and angry. I feel that because she gave me nothing emotionally (and I'm not saying this lightly, she really DID lead me on), that I owe her nothing in return.

The question is this, how many of you have blocked an ex from the potential of ever contacting you again? Am I being petty for doing this? Do I have the justification for doing this?

 

I know she doesn't care and will probably never call. I don't want to keep hoping or give her satisfaction if she calls me for attention if this guy is another rebound.

 

Hurting.

Edited April 15, 2015 by fireflywy

[stillafool]

I've always changed my contact info after a breakup. I did it to remove any expectation of a phone call from them and to basically make a fresh start. It's a great move to make when you are sure you aren't getting back together.

[Ruby65]

I always change my number after a breakup -- learned the hard way!

 

Mostly for the same reason you describe. Not to be mean or punish anyone, just because it's too painful to always be hoping for a call or a text... and jumping everytime anyone else calls or texts me, only to be disappointed, really stings.

 

Changing the number is always a huge step forward in terms of healing.

 

You have more than a justification for blocking your ex everywhere.... it's what you really SHOULD do for your own sake, for healing. It makes a difference and speeds your healing time.

 

The truth is, if an ex ever wants to get through to you, there's always ways around any block. All you're doing by blocking them is making yourself *less convenient*. Sure, they can still reach you.... but now they have to work for it!

 

And really -- shouldn't they have to work for it?

[mammasita]

If someone wants to contact you they will find a way no matter what you do. Block, change a number, move, color your hair......it will happen.

 

You blocking her is the smart and correct thing to do. There is no other answer.

[DannyCA]

You may have really loved that girl but, holy damn does she sound like a bad person. Block her. Let her live her life. From the sounds of it you can do so much better.

 

Like seriously, from everything you said, she sounds like a terrible person, and a person doesn't need that kind of influence in their life. So yeah, block her

[dvx]

Why block if you know she won't call?

[Methodical]

Blocking gives you a sense of control over whether or not she could contact you if she wanted to. Take control, block her, and stop looking at your phone hoping she has made an attempt.

[na49]

Yes. I blocked my ex everywhere that I possibly could. When she wanted to contact me, she did. She used a fake Facebook account, and emailed me at my school email.

 

If she wants to contact you, she will. Your ex is no different than any other person's ex. Block her. Do it for your own sanity dude. I know exactly how it feels to have the mini heart attacks when my phone goes off, and how upsetting it is when it isn't her. Well if she's blocked, there's no mini heart attack.

[fireflywy]

You may have really loved that girl but, holy damn does she sound like a bad person. Block her. Let her live her life. From the sounds of it you can do so much better.

 

Like seriously, from everything you said, she sounds like a terrible person, and a person doesn't need that kind of influence in their life. So yeah, block her

 

Well, she wasn't ridiculously mean, but she was passive agressively abusive in many ways. She certainly knew she was leading me on because she just can't stand to be alone. I laid some of the things out in my stream of consciousness thread.

 

Am I better then her? No. I'm human, she's human. Am I better at being a better partner, showing greater respect, emotion, love, romance, honesty, and commitment to someone? Yes. I realize that now.

 

I did the block today. I also blocked her email too. As for dvx's question above.... yes, she may never call because she's a cold person, but I KNOW I treated her well so there is always that small chance she'll realize that and call me to assauge her guilt. But you k ow what, she can call her new guy, call her exhusband she kept talking to, or her friends who she always put first before me. I'm don't owe her anything anymore.

 

Besides, if she really WANTS to ever apologize, she knows where I live. My email is easy to remember, and she can find me on social media (she's not on it but she knows I am). If she wants me, she can climb the mountain of effort I did.

 

As for me, I'm making my decent into the gardens which lie in the valley on the other side. She can find me there if she ever chooses to.

Edited April 16, 2015 by fireflywy

[LYNNLH]

 

The question is this, how many of you have blocked an ex from the potential of ever contacting you again? Am I being petty for doing this? Do I have the justification for doing this?

 

I know she doesn't care and will probably never call. I don't want to keep hoping or give her satisfaction if she calls me for attention if this guy is another rebound.

 

Hurting.

 

I have. I have no regrets. I only feel relief.

 

I was left for no real apparent reasons other than a selfish man who simply doesn't respect me enough, to leave after 7 years with just a phone call..because he wants to start a new life, with new women all by himself..well..just when he realized that his life got better..dump the old GF back in hometown. A case of GIGS? Mind you, this is a 42 year old man.

 

I blocked him from everywhere. Even mutual friends (his side). He tried calling me and throwing breadcrumbs for the past 2 weeks and each time I managed to get his new numbers..I would block them.

 

I don't care what others think about this. My closest friends and mom supported my decision though.. Most importantly, I don't even care anymore what he thinks. He has hurt me way too much. This person is totally out of my life and I have no intention ever to speak to him for the rest of my life.

 

Infact..this is NC forever from me.

 

You made the right decision. I support you.

[LYNNLH]

As for dvx's question above.... yes, she may never call because she's a cold person, but I KNOW I treated her well so there is always that small chance she'll realize that and call me to assauge her guilt.

 

Yes Fly..she may call..to assuage her guilt. Nothing else.

 

Let these people live with their guilt.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I always block an ex after a bad breakup, especially if I'm the one who has been dumped and had my heart broken. I find that it's a lot easier to get past the loss, and move on, knowing that that person can't contact you. Well sure, in theory they can show at your house or your work or text from a friend's phone or whatever but the usual forms of contact, inc. social media, they can't reach you on.

 

There's a special type of torture about looking at your phone waiting to see if your ex is going to end a text or not. If your phone beeps, you panic thinking it's them. If it is them then it throws you into turmoil and throws you back. If they CAN get through and they don't try, you remain on edge waiting to see if they will. You can spend days and weeks on edge feeling your phone in your pocket craving contact and on the verge of messaging them yourself.

 

There is actually something incredibly freeing, even when you've literally just had your heart broken, about blocking someone's number and then deleting them. It's like suddenly you are mentally getting used to them not being in your life, as well as coming to terms with them not being there physically. I just think it avoids prolonging the torture. It's almost like severing a link. It needs to disappear whether you let it ebb away slowly for weeks or whether you slice it off straight away. Might as well get it over and done with. Start to heal faster. The emotions take time, yes, but any form of contact usually sets you back so it's a very efficient way of handling things.

 

Definitely isn't childish! It's about self-preservation. You have to stop thinking about what's best for your ex and how they'd feel about things, because you're on your own now. I hate this whole idea that both parties have to grit their teeth and go through the painful motions of being friends, texting etc, when there are no kids involved. When both would rather cut and run free but neither wants to look childish or like they can't handle it. Sometimes the most mature thing to do is protect yourself and cut yourself free.

 

If something crazy happens and the other person desperately wants you back, they'll find a way to get through to you and won't be put off by not getting a response to their text. But at least it cuts out all of that back and forth drama and overanalysing texts and waiting for contact.

 

My serious ex is blocked and deleted on everything, the only way I could contact him would be to unblock on my facebook and message but I don't even ave his number and he can't reach me on mine. The less serious ex I did have deleted and blocked until a year later he messaged me from a friend's number telling me he was working a new job near my old house and wanted to let me know in case we bump into each other so it isn't a shock to us both.

[Ruby65]

Why block if you know she won't call?

 

Because if you don't block, you're sitting there with your unblocked phone just waiting and hoping for a call!

[Jonp219]

If someone wants to contact you they will find a way no matter what you do. Block, change a number, move, color your hair......it will happen.

 

You blocking her is the smart and correct thing to do. There is no other answer.

 

Dumpers have a reason for doing what they did there's no need to act like your in witness protection after a break-up.

 

If your ex calls/messages answer it or don't, that's it.

 

It also depends on the break-up but we act like every break up is the same in here.

Edited April 16, 2015 by Jonp219

[fireflywy]

Dumpers have a reason for doing what they did there's no need to act like your in witness protection after a break-up.

 

If your ex calls/messages answer it or don't, that's it.

 

It also depends on the break-up but we act like every break up is the same in here.

 

I think she was just speaking generally here about the efforts they can take to reach out to you if they so desperately desire to say something to you.

 

And some people, have probably been so emotionally abused and bullied by their significant other, or Stockholm syndromed that perhaps they need more then a simple answer it or don't.

 

Think of an addiction. If you were addicted to something so badly and then had it waved in front of your face, is it really as simple as take it or refuse it? Nope. Sometimes you have to avoid those circumstances all together because you just don't possess the willpower to refuse.