Free woman Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 So basically i will try and keep this short. I need help to move on and let go. For now two years I have been stuck in a some what turbulent on again off again non relationship/ friendship. There's been sexual tension and a attraction the whole time, we call our friendship the situation sometimes, basically we tried to be together but due to so many circumstances we chose to shut that door and just be friends. Whislt that may sound good, it is so hard to just be friends with someone you know feelings run deeper. So it's complicated. We have once again decided to end our friendship. This wasn't my choice, in fact I was wanting him to come closer as he said I pushed him away and don't let him in. I said I'll let him in if he would do the same back and contact me first not me always contacting him. other wise I can't see the "friendship " going anywhere. He always says he wants this friendship, that's he doesn't need a reason or explanation as to why he wants it. He says he doesn't want to lose this. That there is a reason we have met. He never tells me the reason though. He does say the fact I want more then friendship and he chose to be friends makes it hard . "We both have partners now and happy, so clearly one would work and one won't , we fight to much," (we both had a partner, he still does and I am single) he says he is happy but we still sext ( I know it's wrong and I feel increasingly horrible) and talk on a deeper level. He knows I loved him he never expresses his feelings. If I guess how he feels by saying you don't want me he says that's just your own opinion. I don't know where we stand and I just try not to interfere in his relationship but I like him to much that I entered into conversations that are questionable. We often feel as though we are cheating. Basically he decided to send me one text to ask how I was, I took that as him wanting to show me he wants this friendship. I replied then was ignored for three days, I went off after 3 days ignored. ( it's a flaw and bad I know, he is very use to these outbursts). He replied that I made the choice to move on and end it, so stick to my decision. I have tried to explain to him that's not what I really want, I want him and I asked him to talk with me about this. He sent a few replies to say it's time to move on and let go. We end so much I don't know if this really is over because we get to this point a lot and a few months later we are forgiving each other and starting again. Now I know I am probably over analysing this but normally he blocks me until he is ready to talk , I can normally call through on no call id after a while when he is cooled down to discuss things, this time he has switched his phone off for the last day. I am not blocked but it's simply off. I don't know why he has done that? I keep thinking maybe there's a chance he is just cooling down and open to talk in a few days? I just want to fix things. Why did he not block me but just turned his phone off? I guess I needed to vent.
Ruby65 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 You're not "friends" if you're sexting. Since you both had partners at the time, that means you were cheating together on people who presumably loved and trusted you both. I'm not surprised things feel complicated. He's a cheater, cheating on his girlfriend with you. You want more -- although why you'd want someone who cheats is beyond me. Unfortunately, this "prize" is already taken. Walk away from this awful, messy and ultimately stupid relationship. Find yourself a good person who will give you the love and respect you deserve. This guy is just playing you. Sorry to be so blunt, but cheating is the lowest form of emotional connection and never ends well. 1
frigginlost Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 So basically i will try and keep this short. I need help to move on and let go. For now two years I have been stuck in a some what turbulent on again off again non relationship/ friendship. There's been sexual tension and a attraction the whole time, we call our friendship the situation sometimes, basically we tried to be together but due to so many circumstances we chose to shut that door and just be friends. Whislt that may sound good, it is so hard to just be friends with someone you know feelings run deeper. So it's complicated. We have once again decided to end our friendship. This wasn't my choice, in fact I was wanting him to come closer as he said I pushed him away and don't let him in. I said I'll let him in if he would do the same back and contact me first not me always contacting him. other wise I can't see the "friendship " going anywhere. He always says he wants this friendship, that's he doesn't need a reason or explanation as to why he wants it. He says he doesn't want to lose this. That there is a reason we have met. He never tells me the reason though. He does say the fact I want more then friendship and he chose to be friends makes it hard . "We both have partners now and happy, so clearly one would work and one won't , we fight to much," (we both had a partner, he still does and I am single) he says he is happy but we still sext ( I know it's wrong and I feel increasingly horrible) and talk on a deeper level. He knows I loved him he never expresses his feelings. If I guess how he feels by saying you don't want me he says that's just your own opinion. I don't know where we stand and I just try not to interfere in his relationship but I like him to much that I entered into conversations that are questionable. We often feel as though we are cheating. Basically he decided to send me one text to ask how I was, I took that as him wanting to show me he wants this friendship. I replied then was ignored for three days, I went off after 3 days ignored. ( it's a flaw and bad I know, he is very use to these outbursts). He replied that I made the choice to move on and end it, so stick to my decision. I have tried to explain to him that's not what I really want, I want him and I asked him to talk with me about this. He sent a few replies to say it's time to move on and let go. We end so much I don't know if this really is over because we get to this point a lot and a few months later we are forgiving each other and starting again. Now I know I am probably over analysing this but normally he blocks me until he is ready to talk , I can normally call through on no call id after a while when he is cooled down to discuss things, this time he has switched his phone off for the last day. I am not blocked but it's simply off. I don't know why he has done that? I keep thinking maybe there's a chance he is just cooling down and open to talk in a few days? I just want to fix things. Why did he not block me but just turned his phone off? I guess I needed to vent. "Things" references something that is actually there. There is not. Your "relationship" with the guy is an absolute joke built on lies and deceit. It will never work. Ever. Go ghost on this guy, take some time to fix yourself, and find someone who truly loves you...
PegNosePete Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 He has a partner and is having an emotional affair with you. What do you think would happen if you were his partner? If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. Time to cut contact. This guy is no good for you. 1
Author Free woman Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 I know cheating and sexting is a horrible thing to do. I was convinced he was leaving her at the time as he complained he didn't want to be with her. I always felt we were going to be together , though when we met I was going through a separation and divorce. My ex husband cheated on me 7 times and emotionally abused me. So when I met my current friend I was vulnerable even though I convinced myself I was better and moved on. He is younger too and I was uncomfortable with being an older woman.25 and 28 seemed to be a big difference at the time . So we decided to be friends until I healed, we dated and had a mutual friend interfere that we ended up parting ways before a relationship developed, and he got together with his current gf the very next day we ended. So I have some idea of the pain inflicted by cheating. I guess I felt and part of me still does feel like he is the one , no matter how horrible people will say he is. We have a strong bond and a connection, we talk about it a lot and how things could of been. I guess I was blinded and infatuated by him, I never felt this way for anyone. I have seeped help to be able to move on and my therapist said he had NPD ( Narcissistic personality disorder) that was hard to hear. But you all are right. I need to let go and move on. Also accept what I did was wrong, though i doubt I'll ever cheat again. I just wanted him and what I felt I was unfairly missing out on because we kept getting ripped apart. Thanks for all your advice
ZiggyZoo Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 He has told you that you want more than friendship, but that's all he wants. You need to walk away until you no longer want to be "more than friends" and can talk to him without leading him into questionable conversations. 1
Cinnamonstix Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 It sounds like you are attracted to, and attract, emotionally unhealthy men. That there alone means that you really need to take time to be alone and become healthy yourself. Otherwise you will always equate love and pain. 2
frigginlost Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 It sounds like you are attracted to, and attract, emotionally unhealthy men. That there alone means that you really need to take time to be alone and become healthy yourself. Otherwise you will always equate love and pain. This!!! Take some time and realize that you are a better person than what you believe. 1
Author Free woman Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 Thanks I know that I attract emotionally unstable men. I don't know why or how that happens, both were charming and seemed genuinely kind, wanting to help others and they spoke , held themselves as these genuine giving compassionate men. It took 5 years in a "perfect"( it was one of those relationships everyone thought we were made for each other and wanted to be like us) relationship before I even knew we had issues and my husband started cheating. I don't know why I allow this treatment and accept what these guys do to me, sometimes I am strong enough to walk away but mostly I accept this behaviour and that tears me up. Ziggy zoo I never led him into questionable conversations , he did that all himself. He'd start the conversation, I went with it. I want to say too that he didn't just say I just want a friendship with you until a year and as half in. He did certainly imply he wanted to be with me, he kept talking about our future together. With out going into a lot of details it's hard to explain. I shown friends his texts and they do agree he implied he wanted something more and anyone would be led to believe that if they saw what he was say. Theres so much more to the story but everyone is saying what all my friends and family have been telling me to do. I was too infatuated by him to really listen to my family and friends. I knew they were right but I still wanted him in my life. But you are right I do need time to heal and move forward, I don't want this type of relationship a third time. I have hope things can be better then what I have had.
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