NicoletteCB Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Ugh. I have no idea where to begin but let me start off by saying I am recently broken up (two weeks?) with my ex girlfriend. I had been with her for six months and that had been my longest relationship up to date, we were long distance (met once) but we were very, very close and we communicated every single day by text message and video chatted several times weekly. She was the only person I had ever opened up to so much and I did truly love her. I gave her everything, even my special locket as a gift on our first date...she was also my first kiss. Anyway, we broke up due to a really bad first date on her part, she said I was way too overly physically affectionate and crossed boundaries for her though we never discussed any. She always came across as very physically affectionate on the phone but in person her demeanor was different though we'd talked comfortably about kissing and touching for half a year. I want to keep this short and not litter this post with too much background info but after the first date she completely disconnected from me. She stopped texting me everyday, we only video chatted once after the date, and she became distant and very quiet and told me she did not want any romantic interaction between us anymore. I was heartbroken but she said she needed help (therapy for being an sa victim) and that she wanted us to tone things down. At first I agreed and everything was fine because she said she couldn't imagine being with anyone but me and still loved me but that the date had bought up old worries and she needed help...and then she started to change even more. It went from her only wanting me...to her telling me she did not love me anymore and would date me again someday in the future but with no guarantees to her not being with someone else and now she does like someone else apparently. I could not handle the changes and to compete for the heart of someone who I'd completely given myself to made me sick and so I got mad at her in text one day and told her I was saying bye in which was almost my last attempt to get her to acknowledge she still cares for me and wants me in her life but all it did was get her to say goodbye to me also and to leave her be. So I left, and regretted it instantly. I tried sending apology text messages and messages and she has not replied or read any. To make matters worse we followed each other on a blogging platform and so I still check up on her blog because I mess her and I want her to come back and want to talk to her but since she's ignoring me I'd been sending her anonymous messages telling her she's beautiful and wonderful. I'm not sure why I'd been sending them, I think it's just I miss her talking to me and wanted her to smile and all but apparently she knows it's me and when I went on her blog again today she wrote a short post about how, " my ex won't stop sending me creepy sappy anons and they make me sick but i delete them " and I had no idea this was her honest reaction to them. She always replied back to a few seeming thrilled and happy but I noticed if I tried to follow up again with more complements she never replied back so I guess that explains that. I know everything I'm doing is wrong and I've been crying for days honestly. I know I have to stop sending and checking her blog and it is wrong but I feel sick too. I know the reason why we broke up and why we're not talking is MY fault only and now I just can't stop feeling bad and I keep trying to fix things and get her back but I only make things WORSE. I don't know how to get over her, I don't.
Riptide91 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) Uh, you met once and it was the first date and it went terrible? Pretty much all I have to say here is she isn't interested one way or another and it sounds like it may have been cuz you came on waaaaay too strong. Not trying to be mean or harsh, but the truth is needed. Let's see what everyone else thinks. I just read your post again. Yea man, stop while you're ahead. She isn't interested and you're making yourself look crazy. I'm assuming this is because she was your first kiss and whatever else but seriously, stop. You'll find someone new and when you do keep it cool and move slower. This whole post has clingy and desperate written alllllll over it. Edited April 15, 2015 by Riptide91 Needed to add some
badpenny Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 6-month relationship? You met once? Dearest, see your doctor and ask for some kind of therapeutic support. You dived into this far too strongly and went a lot deeper than you should have done. This isn't love; it's neediness and a craving for love, affection and to be wanted. I suspect there are deeper issues within you that have prompted you to take this so hard. Honestly, your reaction is just a bit over the top. Seek help, because clearly, this has really not done you any good, and on your own, you're unlikely to be able to Let Go and recover single-handedly.
Author NicoletteCB Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 Thanks, even though your reply sorta hurt my feelings, I think I do need the tough honest truth from outside perspective. It's a problem that I have again again is getting overly attached to girls and being too...idk what the word is? Dependant? I give my feelings away too fast and idk how the hell other people don't, it's a really difficult for me.
Ruby65 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I wouldn't take all the blame here, I think she's got some issues too. Definitely if she was a victim of SA -- you mean "sexual assault," right? Is she in counselling for this? That's going to play a huge role in why she'd feel uncomfortable with being physical in person but comfortable with long-distance affection. I assume you guys are both pretty young? I would say to chalk this up to experience. Don't be so hard on yourself -- and try and date people who live closer to you, long distance is really hard to pull off. I know it really hurts. Believe me, I've been there! Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Keep posting! You're going to be okay.... it just takes a while.
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