Maverick27 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Yesterday, i hated my cheating ex and was glad to be rid of her Today, i feel like i was a bad boyfriend and want to tell her i'm sorry Does the rollercoaster eventually stop and stay at one of these stations, or do you just stop caring?
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 The stations will get further and further apart. Until you get to a point where you can look back at the relationship without it affecting you much. I hate giving this advice as much as you hate hearing it but... it just takes time.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Unless this is your first rodeo, I think you know the answer
Starks Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Yesterday, i hated my cheating ex and was glad to be rid of her Today, i feel like i was a bad boyfriend and want to tell her i'm sorry Over here it's the opposite. Wanted her back yesterday so I tried giving her an olive branch and broke a month NC. She just exploded with passive aggresiveness and posted a lot of dumb memes. The irony is that she is the one who have been trying to get my attention for weeks now. Turns out she just wanted a ego boost. She's a real drama queen and thanks to my dumb ass she is now the center of attention in her own little soap opera. I wonder if her cheerleading friends know how non-eventful and boring our little fight REALLY was. So today I find myself pitying her. I'm way over the self pity phase where I blame myself for everything. When I registered here I was pretty hard on myself and portrayed myself as some sort of monster and let her off the hook for everything. Fact is we were both pretty awful. But if I'm gonna own up and forgive myself for my faults I'll be damned if I'm gonna keep her lying, flaky ass up on that pedestal. I guess I learned that breaking NC isn't always a bad thing. Cause I went from building hope up inside to just seeing her as a immature little crybaby. Oh well, back to NC for good.
Ruby65 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Yesterday, i hated my cheating ex and was glad to be rid of her Today, i feel like i was a bad boyfriend and want to tell her i'm sorry Does the rollercoaster eventually stop and stay at one of these stations, or do you just stop caring? You've already apologized to her.... more than once. It'll take time to accept the reality of who she really is and what she's done. A big part of you still wants to believe the best in her, this is the part that's clinging to the hope of reconciliation. You're still fighting through denial, trying to rationalize her behavior so there's still an open pathway to getting back together. In time, you'll accept the breakup and the rose-colored glasses will come off. That'll help get you off the rollercoaster: when you see her for who she really is. But it takes time to get there!
Author Maverick27 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 Ruby65 Trust me, i've accepted that we are never getting back together. That will never ever ever ever ever ever happen. I'm just OBSESSED with leaving her with a lasting good impression of me. I don't know why. Maybe it'll make me feel like less of a loser. Is this normal? Constantly trying to see yourself through the DUMPERS eye's?
ravfour4 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Yes, it's normal, but I think the main reason you want to do it is to ensure your ex is still a potential option in the future, that's why I want to do it I think. If you were 100% sure you didn't want her and that you were better off without her (which is nearly impossible to do after being broken up with) you wouldn't care what she thought. If you left a super crazy needy impression and she's being civil/nice, it may be worth trying to change that final impression to something good if you hope for reconciliation one day, but if she's being rude/cold, just let it go. She won't listen or care.
Author Maverick27 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 Yes i left it with a very bad impression... I reached out to her because i just got SO depressed after the break up. She listened to me, then told me she had a new boyfriend (one she cheated with). Then after simmering on that for two days i sent her a very brutal message about how she gaslighted me, how she is liar and deceiver... and that i never want to see her again....She never replied to that.. Im terrified of running into her at Uni, because she'll cold shoulder me (in response to my message). Wouldnt really know how to settle this. I feel like it would make me feel better. But that's just my brain trying to rationalize it again. I know as soon as i did my brain would just make another excuse to try talk to her. I'm pretty sure she thinks im needy and mentally unstable now. Which makes me feel ****, because im not. The problem with the DUMPER getting straight into another relationship, is that you just imagine that they are constantly comparing the two of us in her mind.
ravfour4 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Mine did the same thing and I doubt she's comparing us, she convinced herself me and her weren't right and she's trying things out with this new guy. If you actually ever want her back, she needs to miss you and she's not going to miss you if you say a bunch of lovey dovey stuff like I did. The fact you ended it with a rude text is actually good, she knows you may be over her forever and that she hurt you, if one day she gets sick of this new guy or fears you're moving on and still wants you, she may be back. But assume that WILL NOT happen. Reaching out and being nice while she's with someone else will just reinforce to her that what she's doing is fine and acceptable behavior, I made that mistake with my ex (although I also said things like you're a terrible person, I hate you more than anyone in the world etc. after I found out how much she lied to me ) Just stay strong and don't contact her and focus on yourself. It's the best thing no matter what. If she doesn't come back, you'll be in your prime, confident and ready to meet someone better. Otherwise, by focusing on yourself and not talking to her she'll see what it's like without you, if she misses that, she may be back. Also, the rollercoaster becomes more tame as long as you accept what happened, knowing that it's a combination of both of your faults, certainly not just yours and refrain from contact. You'll start to have more good days where you're confident you're fine on your own and less bad days where you're dying to contact her.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Yes it's normal. It's because you are still trying to find your value in her. Once you work through the break up and build yourself up, it's only a matter of time that you won't give two ****s what she thinks. You're also being way too hard on yourself. You were blindsided and in severe emotional pain, so you let her treat you like a doormat. You loved her and were in denial that you loved a monster. But in time you will have a more balanced view of the relationship. Sure, there were good memories. And it sounded like, for the most part, you were good to her throughout the RS. And she turned out to be a crazy, insecure wench. You did nothing wrong except maybe lose your dignity a little, but you'll get that back. If she has any sort of conscience, she will feel bad about all of this, as she took massive advantage of your kindness.
SheleftmeforMichael Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Yesterday, i hated my cheating ex and was glad to be rid of her Today, i feel like i was a bad boyfriend and want to tell her i'm sorry Does the rollercoaster eventually stop and stay at one of these stations, or do you just stop caring? I wouldn't be able to give you the best answer as i'm still riding on the same type of roller coaster you are, but we have to come to the acceptance that the past relationship is over and that person won't be coming back no matter what we say or what we do. They already made up their mind and are well on the path in which we can't walk along side them anymore. So if you find yourself on the roller coaster (thinking of the past/lamenting on what could have been done or what went wrong) just keep in mind that this rollercoaster should be moving in one direction as we should be: forward on to the next great chapter in our lives.
Author Maverick27 Posted April 16, 2015 Author Posted April 16, 2015 Yeah, i feel it deep in my gut that she'll NEVER try to contact me again. So i guess im glad i left her with the impression that she hurt me. Also, im glad that atleast by telling her i never want to see her again etc i left it on MY terms...makes me feel a bit better Throughout the breakup she told me 'she doesnt love me like that anymore' That this new guy and her 'have a connection'. Also, she deleted everyone one of my friends and family off all social media. So it's safe to assume that even trying to leave her with a good impresion of me wont mean anything. She's done. How do people move on so quickly? Do ever think that some people have a very different concept of 'love'. How can someone love you so much one week, then another, feel nothing. BOGGLES MY MIND. One positive to this whole thing, i've got in contact with lots of old friends and have been meeting up, i've joined the gym, im doing charity work, i've started creative writing started a footsal team, i booked flights to Vietnam It's funny that pure agony will push you to do things you always wanted to do, but were always too 'comfortable' to pursue
Cinnamonstix Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 She was able to move on so quickly because I don't think she was capable of loving you, in the true meaning of the sense. She doesn't love herself. She doesn't truly love this new guy either. She will hop from RS to RS and no one will ever love her enough to fill the void. She is a shell of a person.
Fufu Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 Roller-coaster is the stage that you have to go through during the recovery process. Stay firmed and focused, you will get through it.
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