OK_computer Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 It's waking up daily, knowing that this person is still gone, but you have to still see them around that hurts the most. That nothing new will happen today. That each moment of your day is just a waste of time..i know it will pass..i'm alteast aware of that much. But not in the time that i have to see her around in house surgeon.
HeBa Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) Please don't dwell on thoughts like that . you owe him absolutely nothing , Your Life is good , you have a good job , brilliant future , You have your Life in Your Hand why linking that to some one incapable of ruling his own life ! and please don't buy that he will be sad , miserable thinking that he had the best memories, wish he was were there here ... bla bla bla ... My A** ! none of this is true its just a line all the loosers says justifying their weakness . he is not the one for you he is just a station in your life , a lesson to make you learn and cherish your life knowing your worth. yes i have been there exactly though i am not indian but we have some sort of alike traditions as Arab . Go No Contact cut every possible contacts with him and if you still have to work/interact at work just be professional and focus on your life . you are too young to loose your beautiful days thinking about some weak man like him. finally, believe me the harder it gets the easier the pain will get think of yourself getting vaccinated against future pains like this , the right one will never give up on you he is just waiting for you somewhere else. Move on Edited May 3, 2015 by HeBa 1
NoLeafClover Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 You are asking on a forum that do not understand and have no idea about your culture. I am not surprised that you are getting answers like forget him etc etc. Truth is that he is getting close to 30 and of course family wants to find are Woman for him because to them that's the right age. If you are not ready for marriage or your parents are not , then I think that kind of answers your question. I do think that you can talk to his family and make them accept the two of you but I also think it's matter of you and your family accepting getting married very soon which seems to be an issue. I am not sure how he is lacking on his side considering he put the ball in your court. If you feel he isn't doing enough, well then perhaps you wouldn't want that for a future husband. I'd say talk to him some and then make a plan. Draw it out and see how he feels. If talk to your parents and see how they feel. 1
OK_computer Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) What you need to do is find someone who knows this culture and can give you sound advice (though I kind of have). And also you NEED to think about this PRACTICALLY. I just had a 3 hour conversation about this ame topic (for my situation) also about a few hours ago, here are the questions you need to answer to yourself? 1. Where are you from and where is he from? 2. Is he an only child? B/c if he is, he is going to put his parents first over the marriage. You're going to have to deal with that AND the fact his whole family will dissapprove of you. 3. You're going to have to do everything that he says, go to all his family gatherings, you're not going to have a choice. Are you ok with that? 4. How will your parents react to an inter caste marriage? I'm sure they're not going to be thrilled especially if you guys are brahmins. period. 5. Are you willing to put your life and dreams second to him the rest of your life? 6. Can you face his family the next 50+ years of your life? Dealing with all the family drama because you're the outsider? 7. Marriage is no joke especially for the Indians, it's pretty much the end of everything you know for a couple of kids and crappy family policies. It won't be what it is now. It's totalllyyyy different. That's why castes like marrying within because it's easier for them. Also, you are shifting faiths completely, hindu to a christian, which is still difficult with respect to fluidity. Your day to day life won't be simple. Indians really don't believe in love. or very few do, but are willing to sacrifcie it for their parents. 8. If after thinking about all these things from a PRACTICAL standpoint, you still want to 'marry' him or something, you need to tell your parents ASAP and get something done about this right away. Have your parents tallk to his parents, and see if some kind of compromise can be reached, AT LEAST try, so you won't regret it the rest of your life. 9.Then just move on I'm telling you this is the best advice you will get on this forum in a cliffnotes version. If you still need more advice on this matter, I suggest you talk to an local south indian individual from the subcontinent and get a better advice. BUT the final answer is still that Arranged marriages are ABSOLUTE. In fact they make so many south indian movies about how they are not, or how the hero in a the movie is able to overcome the girls parental adversity to marry her, FICTION. It's like watching 'Alien' for these people, a great idea, but rarely happens LOL. After marriage, he will become cold, distant, and forget your existence. So now you pick 1. move on by thinking about its practically as your paths are different. 2. have your parents talk to his Edited May 3, 2015 by OK_computer 2
AVarma Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 they make so many south indian movies about how they are not, or how the hero in a the movie is able to overcome the girls parental adversity to marry her, FICTION. It's like watching 'Alien' for these people, a great idea, but rarely happens LOL. This is coming from an Indian, I don't think I've ever read a better analogy about arranged marriages than this.
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