Kbomb Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 When my EX first dumped me I was completely wrecked and in shock and dis belief. Then I forced myself to be strong and go back to work for the next month or so and I thought I was doing well, thought I was going to get over it and be ok. Why is it that now at just over 2 months after the break up I am obsessing and over analyzing and feel worse than in the beginning? Is this normal? Are there stages? If so what are they? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Because you cheated on your husband with this guy for years... he got tired of waiting for you to divorce so you could start a family with him... until he eventually found someone else... and you got him fired... so now he's not in the picture anymore? That sound about right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 It isn't odd to shift between periods of strength and sorrow. You're adrift at sea: sometimes you'll go north, sometimes south. I don't believe in any particular order to the stages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kbomb Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 @ Diezel - No it sounds completely wrong. it sounds like you have not read any of my posts are just being negative. Let me dumb it down for you like I did on your other reply - I never cheated on my husband. He knew about my relationship. Me and my husband were not ''together'' he does his thing and I do mine. IDK why I gotta keep saying the same thing over and over. Yes my EX cheated!!!! And he was wrong! Not me! Don't get it twisted. Link to post Share on other sites
SheleftmeforMichael Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 It takes time to get over a break up and that duration of time is longer for others while shorter for some. You are still emotionally attached to him and its going to take a period of time where you gain acceptance and being okay with moving forward before you can completely detach. The feelings/memories/lamenting will come and revisit sometimes just when you think you're getting better. What's important is how you recognize and handle it. Keep to NC and keep healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Maybe you're feeling worse because you're still in contact with his sister, and she's feeding you info about what he's doing. You seemed to know an awful lot about what he was up to this past weekend, for someone who's supposedly trying to get over someone. If you were really trying to get over this guy then you'd go true NC and stop talking about him to his family and trying to figure out what is going on with the woman he left you for. Another tip would be to maybe end the rebound YOU started right after your ex dumped you, so you can focus on yourself and not get distracted by this other thing you're involved in. As far as your husband and all that goes, you absolutely did cheat on him, and are continuing to do so. It doesn't matter if he knows or not, sleeping with a man other than the one you're married to is cheating. Its an affair. You don't have a problem admitting that you were doing it in some of your other posts... This is what we mean about only giving some of your information in each post. People can't give you informed advice based on the 10% of your story you share here and there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 @ Diezel - No it sounds completely wrong. it sounds like you have not read any of my posts are just being negative. Let me dumb it down for you like I did on your other reply - I never cheated on my husband. He knew about my relationship. Me and my husband were not ''together'' he does his thing and I do mine. IDK why I gotta keep saying the same thing over and over. Yes my EX cheated!!!! And he was wrong! Not me! Don't get it twisted. You need time away from any type of romance. Stepping out while in a marriage is like living a lie. By being married you tell the whole world you're committed to this one person, yet being with someone else at the same time is just wrong. Sure, you may have both agreed the love was gone but staying married for the kids while seeing other people...that never works. Everyone is wrong in this situation, everyone hurt everyone. Placing blame does nothing but temporarily satiate the need for some kind of meaning behind actions that will appear more moral to the person in the end when without the blame that action would normally be immoral. It never will work how you want because you're leading multiple lives and toying with emotions and the stability of the family. The kids would eventually find out. What then? You have to explain to them that infidelity is okay as long as everyone believes the lie and when you're not in love anymore? If I can be blunt from the bit of back reading I've done about your situation, the whole thing just appears totally and utterly ****ed up. Nothing healthy can come of this. Take time to step back, reevaluate things, don't assign blame. It is like trying to spin the world backwards, but you aren't superman or the flash, you're just human. The key to coping is acceptance of the situation. We can't win it all but we can change how to get to tomorrow and how we live in those tomorrows. As to your original question; yes it comes in stages and some get revisited over and over until it fades away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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