Eaglestar83 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Bit of a philosophical question. Does a good partner really exist now days? As a straight guy, my precise question would be: are there really any good girls out there? But not to upset the females on here, lets try to keep this gender mutual. In my experience so far, I have only seeked out girls who seem to display good character traits, kind, interested, not openly loud or players or immature. All my relationships started with so much respect, mutual understanding and care, yet they also all ultimately ended with the said girls losing interest, turning 180 degrees, becoming cold, rude, disrespectful, cheating, lying, being dishonest and ultimately crash and burn the relationship. Am sure I had my role to play in this, being the common denominator and all, not playing the game right, not maintaining challenge etc, but objectively, these girls all behaved in an immoral way, they betrayed trust, caused pain, and acted utterly selfish. I can honestly say I have never stabbed anyone in the back like this. I had casual relationships and I was always totally honest with the girls as to where they stood and dont think any of them got hurt as I did not play them. I've never found myself in a serious relationship that I couldn't commit to. Now days I have no I idea what to make of a good date, or even a new relationship that seems to be good. Because no matter how good, or trustworthy, or loyal, the girl is... All of a sudden, she might get bored, or find another guy, or lose interest and suddenly she is not the person I've known anymore, no longer kind, caring or even empathetic. What's your experience? Is there really such a thing as a good person you can rely on to provide you with stability, security and commitment?
Cinnamonstix Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 I'm a pretty ****ing awesome partner, TBH. Wasn't when I was younger though. 2
mightycpa Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 A lot of what you experience will depend upon your age, and the age of the women you date. Younger people will generally act better as they age. What age are you? Or your women? 1
Cinnamonstix Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) I'm a female in my late 20's. Guess I should elaborate: -I always tell the truth, even if it's not what he wants to hear -I won't be someone's gf unless I really like him, and I take my time to make sure he is awesome -Once that has been established, I give the relationship my all -I have no timelines, so when I'm with a guy it's for him, and I'm not trying to pump out a child in a year -I'm supportive of my partner's goals and dreams and I have my own -I don't fight dirty. I'm not vengeful even if someone hurts me -I'm a great communicator. I want to talk it out! -Super affectionate and loving -The more he gives, the more I give (no push/pull) -Care about my appearance and health (not gonna let myself go) -I understand balance in a relationship -I'm not very jealous, but just enough to show I care -I can sense when my partner needs reassurance and I provide it without being asked -I treat my partner with respect -l appreciate everything my partner does for me (I notice all the small things) and I enjoy giving back -Very understanding/receptive to another's feelings -I've got enough experience to know when I have a good thing -Can admit when I am wrong -Won't let someone walk all over me / have boundaries -Yadda yadda yadda I offer all of these things. And now I expect all these things in return. Edited April 14, 2015 by Cinnamonstix 1
Cinnamonstix Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 While there are plenty of people in long term, happy relationships, I don't think many of the single people are capable of such. I think this is precisely why they are single. If you're single and you're a good partner, there must be more people like you. not only see how any potential partners treat you, but look at how they treat their friends and family. A lot of crappy people will treat you well at first This is VERY true. 2
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Am sure I had my role to play in this, being the common denominator and all, not playing the game right, not maintaining challenge etc I think you have to consider what role you are actually playing in this. Is your picker off in the first place? Are the girls you are choosing and think are nice, not as nice as you want them to be? Are you romanticising so much that you do not see their faults? Or are you so pent up with desire for them, that you never notice them treating you badly, until later? Are you in fact treating them badly, so all the loving and caring turns to resentment and bitterness on their part? Are you the one who is selfish and they are just reacting to your selfishness? Are you emotionally unavailable? Are you too engrossed in other pursuits that they feel second best? Do they feel you are just using them for sex maybe? Do you actually respect them? Do you even like women? Lots of questions to ask yourself. mightycpa makes a valid point, most younger people are pretty selfish in relationships. I want, I need, I get, I don't like, I go find someone else. 1
loveweary11 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I think the main issue surrounding your question is one of reference frame. When you think of a good partner, what do you picture? Forever, right? I think reality is.... there is no forever. Things are only temporary between people. Even a life long relationship ends for one person when the other dies. It's all temporary and many women's feelings change as the direction of the wind changes. All you can really do is readjust your sails for the new wind direction and carry on.
Kbomb Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 My opinion is this - The only thing guaranteed in life is change. Nothing ever stays the same forever. I believe you can have great relationships but they wont last forever. I also believe all men cheat, but that's just me and what I have seen and learned from my own experiences. But I have also learned that relationships take alot of work and maybe I never tried hard enough to satisfy my partner, so they went looking else where at the time. I am still learning!
Jimmyjackson Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 My opinion is this - The only thing guaranteed in life is change. Nothing ever stays the same forever. I believe you can have great relationships but they wont last forever. I also believe all men cheat, but that's just me and what I have seen and learned from my own experiences. But I have also learned that relationships take alot of work and maybe I never tried hard enough to satisfy my partner, so they went looking else where at the time. I am still learning! It's a bit offensive to suggest all men cheat, we don't, trust me. in reference to the question; you have to remember the world is a big place, there are around 7 billion people. Many of whom will be good partners, many will also be crap partners. It's all trial and error at the end of the day until you find that one person to settle down with. 3
Cinnamonstix Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Everyone is a little insane in their own way. It's just whatever works with you.
todreaminblue Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 wholeheartedly yes good partners exist.......but what i feel is most important on finding the good guys is discernment and as another poster said how they treat others i s really quite telling..you have to find a good guy to find a good partner....they are exclusively always together good guy ....good partner..deb
Author Eaglestar83 Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 I have lost faith. I lay low, licking my wounds alone under the shade of a tree, like a wounded, injured lion that once stood proud. We invest in serious relationships because we want stability, genuine connection and peace. Not because we want instant self gratification. So yes, the point is to have a relationship that lasts a lifetime, and the least one can do is to at least try to make it work. It's not the lies, the cheating or the dishonesty, although they all are forms of betrayals. It's the betrayal of disengagement that tops them all. Making that unilateral decision to pull away, to stop caring, to stop investing in the other person. I dearly miss all my exes. I miss their presence, their smile and the joy of connection that I felt with them. I miss our memories together. I miss the hopes and dreams that we had for the future. Yes, they all had shortcomings, but who doesent. i was never blind to their failings, you simply choose to accept the bad with the good because nobody is perfect. Truth is that time heals the pain but you can never forget the person.
Phoe Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Yes, there are good people out there, and there are many people who are in wonderful relationships with a good partner, and are a good partner themselves. There's a lot of good out there. You just have to want to see it!
mightycpa Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) Truth is that time heals the pain but you can never forget the person. I have trouble seeing why this is a bad thing. The truth is you're just not going to be everybody's cup of tea. To think that you are is an exercise in self-aggrandizement and self-deception. But they have to get to know you first to figure that out. Edited April 15, 2015 by mightycpa
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