I'm taken, but just developed same-sex feelings for a woman...

[confusionhasme]

And I'm so very hung up on the fact that it's same-sex.

I want to get over this- really, really badly.

 

I'm in a relationship but developed feelings for my doctor's assistant.

 

My friend said to send her a facebook message, anonymously, to get my feelings out there and then let go from there.

 

She's straight, married with a kid. I've never had feelings for a woman, up until now. Only been with men.

 

Is my friend right or ever so wrong?

[Gary S]

I guess if you don't care about your relationship, anything goes.

 

Relationships take work.

[confusionhasme]

I don't want to pursue anything with this woman. I just want to get over it. I feel like I'm withholding a huge secret and I'm praying that by writing in this forum, I won't even need to entertain sending this woman a message.

[smackie9]

Focus on the repercussions, and stop fantasizing. Think of it this way....if you contact this woman, she might place sexual harassment charges against you or a court order.

 

Oh and find another doctor.

[fitnessfan365]

In singular cases like these, the romantic attachment comes from an emotional bond. One person falls for who the other person is, and their motivation isn't physical attraction. But it's your doctor's assistant. So unless your sick every week, this is a woman you don't talk to that often. That's why I'm wondering how you could possibly have feelings for her. So expand on that.

 

However, in general, if this woman was single I'd say break up with your BF and pursue what you want. But, this is a woman that's married with a kid. You should respect that and leave her alone. With that said though, if you're feelings are more physical/sexual attraction based, you might want to experiment with other women in general.

[Gary S]

Some thoughts:

 

 

Well, I don't think pursuing it the answer? That could only get you in deeper.

 

Do you love your man?

 

Something else to consider - it's not a crime to fantasize, but I would not talk about it. What if it gets back to your boyfriend? Some fantasies should stay a fantasy, you know? That's why they call them fantasies. And sometimes you just have to practice self control. If you have a crush on this woman, perhaps it will fade with time... time is the great healer.

[confusionhasme]

In singular cases like these, the romantic attachment comes from an emotional bond. One person falls for who the other person is, and their motivation isn't physical attraction. But it's your doctor's assistant. So unless your sick every week, this is a woman you don't talk to that often. That's why I'm wondering how you could possibly have feelings for her. So expand on that.

 

However, in general, if this woman was single I'd say break up with your BF and pursue what you want. But, this is a woman that's married with a kid. You should respect that and leave her alone. With that said though, if you're feelings are more physical/sexual attraction based, you might want to experiment with other women in general.

 

Well, I didn't want to give away too much detail 'cuz I was paranoid something may give me away on the internet, but I ain't getting over this by continuing to hide stuff...

 

it's actually my dental hygienist. I had to have a deep cleaning, a root canal, an additional cleaning, and then a biopsy. So out of all of those trips to the dentist, I've met with her 4x's, the most stressful being the biopsy part of it (she saw me before I went in to get the surgery done). She made me feel safe and when she had her arm around me, she felt like "home." I can't even say it's sexual, really.

 

I tried to watch lesbian porn and it didn't turn me on.

 

But it feels so much like a crush.

 

The deep cleaning portions are the times when we spent the most time together. Like 90-120 minutes per session. I just can't seem to get over this and it feels like a full on crush, but the sexual/romantic component isn't really there.

 

I just don't know why I'm drawn to this woman so much. I've never had this happen before.

Edited April 14, 2015 by confusionhasme

[fitnessfan365]

Well, I didn't want to give away too much detail 'cuz I was paranoid something may give me away on the internet, but I ain't getting over this by continuing to hide stuff...

 

it's actually my dental hygienist. I had to have a deep cleaning, a root canal, an additional cleaning, and then a biopsy. So out of all of those trips to the dentist, I've met with her 4x's, the most stressful being the biopsy part of it (she saw me before I went in to get the surgery done). She made me feel safe and when she had her arm around me, she felt like "home." I can't even say it's sexual, really.

 

I tried to watch lesbian porn and it didn't turn me on.

 

But it feels so much like a crush.

 

The deep cleaning portions are the times when we spent the most time together. Like 90-120 minutes per session. I just can't seem to get over this and it feels like a full on crush, but the sexual/romantic component isn't really there.

 

I just don't know why I'm drawn to this woman so much. I've never had this happen before.

 

Well to be honest, it just sounds like a girl crush. She makes you feel good and you respect her as a person. If this was a romantic style crush, you'd get aroused when she touched you. But as you say, you're not feeling any sort of sexual desire at all.

 

However, since you do feel that bond, there's no telling how you'd feel if you two actually kissed or got intimate. That's the only true test. But as I said, she is married and has a child. So I'd recommend just trying to forget about it.

[confusionhasme]

Well to be honest, it just sounds like a girl crush. She makes you feel good and you respect her as a person. If this was a romantic style crush, you'd get aroused when she touched you. But as you say, you're not feeling any sort of sexual desire at all.

 

However, since you do feel that bond, there's no telling how you'd feel if you two actually kissed or got intimate. That's the only true test. But as I said, she is married and has a child. So I'd recommend just trying to forget about it.

 

Okay, thanks for your input. I appreciate it.