Decisiontomake Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 If her H really wanted the OW, he could get divorced and be with her. . I'm sorry but I totally disagree with this - it is never that black and white, and the "game" can sometimes go on for years.
sandylee1 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 In this case as he owns the house and a lot of his money is protected, they haven't been married long enough for her to get any of his pension. So if he really wanted the OW, he would make it happen. What he really wants is the both of them. He's happy his daughter has a step sister and he cares about his step daughter. I've said this before, but with him cheating before you got married, it doesn't seem like he ever really loved you, why on earth did he marry you. I don't mean that to be harsh, what I'm saying is, it seems you've never been enough for him. I also crossed my mind that he could have another AP right now and you're focused on the other one, so you wouldn't have a clue. ConfusedW, I understand why you're still there while you get an education. All I'd suggest is that you try and detach from him mentally /emotionallyand find a man who really loves you. Have that second child before its too late. From all the stuff you say about your H, he'll cheat again. This woman wouldn't sleep with him, but many others don't care if a man is married. The next woman may even be married, so she'll care even less. Affairs between married spouses have spanned decades, often only discovered when one dies. Good luck with your studies and show your daughter that she never has to take this crap from any man. 'Dependency situations, give rise to contempt' 1
sandylee1 Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 I'm sorry but I totally disagree with this - it is never that black and white, and the "game" can sometimes go on for years. Plus the longer they are married, he could end up paying more spousal support in the event of divorce. They don't have kids together. This marriage would be a lot easier to leave for him, if he really wanted to. I think her H is so sure that she'll never leave this marriage, because tbh, most in her position would never have even got married with the pre marital cheating. ConfusedW, I know the reasons your still in the marriage for now, but try and examine why you married a man who cheated from the onset when you should have both been so happy. What decent person cheats on their fiancée, at a time you should be so loved up. I say this, so that you see these signs and don't make the same mistake again.
Gigigirl Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 In this case as he owns the house and a lot of his money is protected, they haven't been married long enough for her to get any of his pension. So if he really wanted the OW, he would make it happen. What he really wants is the both of them. He's happy his daughter has a step sister and he cares about his step daughter. I've said this before, but with him cheating before you got married, it doesn't seem like he ever really loved you, why on earth did he marry you. I don't mean that to be harsh, what I'm saying is, it seems you've never been enough for him. I also crossed my mind that he could have another AP right now and you're focused on the other one, so you wouldn't have a clue. ConfusedW, I understand why you're still there while you get an education. All I'd suggest is that you try and detach from him mentally /emotionallyand find a man who really loves you. Have that second child before its too late. From all the stuff you say about your H, he'll cheat again. This woman wouldn't sleep with him, but many others don't care if a man is married. The next woman may even be married, so she'll care even less. Affairs between married spouses have spanned decades, often only discovered when one dies. Good luck with your studies and show your daughter that she never has to take this crap from any man. 'Dependency situations, give rise to contempt' I'm wondering in this case, if him staying married has alot to do with OW saying (at that time) she only wanted friendship. From what I read of Confused's past threads was that OW was adamant about no sex while he was still married BUT ALSO would not promise to be with him even if he did divorce. Confused said in one thread that her H straight out asked OW to wait for him while he divorced and she said NO. Confused also stated that OW was in school or finishing school and also told him that was her main focus. Confused also said that her husband told this girl she was swaying his decision to stay married and the girl freaked out, wanting no parts. Also based on past threads, this girl has broken his heart and went back to her child's father, all before meeting Confusedwife. He could be scared of her and knows she is a flight risk. He could be worried she will just go back to the kid's dad, especially since she is still young in her twenties...it's pretty commom and she did it to him once already... I would say he wanted to KNOW FOR A FACT that OW wanted him and would be with him before he left his wife. OW never provided him those promises or comfort and has proven she will dump him for someone else. Also men prefer to show their intimacy in the sexual sense...its how they connect. Her refusing sex could have done some damage to him, made him not feel manly enough or good enough for her. And you are right, there are plenty of women that will sleep with a MM, but this one that never did may stay on his mind. Men want what they can't have. 1
Recommended Posts