heather03 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 So I broke it off with my ex in mid-November because he had decided to study abroad in China for 6 months, and this would be the second time i would have been going through a long-distance relationship with him in our 2 years of dating and I just wasn't going to do that again. We stopped talking for a while over winter break, then he asked to meet up one last time before he left for China as a good bye lunch. He seemed to be trying to make me jealous, and even said that I could see other guys and that he was talking to someone informally, but as we were leaving he walked me to my car and asked if he could kiss me, then said he still loved me. Later that night after he texted me saying he had a really good time, I texted him back saying I was really confused what was going on between us because only a month prior he texted me a really long paragraph saying how he still really loved me and hoped we could get back together after he came back..and he said he agreed and disagreed with what I had said but overall he thinks we made the right decision. I got angry and said we definitely did. Fast forward a week later and he texted me when he got to China just a couple of times back and forth, I texted him a week after that, then I didn't hear from him for a good 3 weeks. He texted me out of the blue saying it felt like we hadn't talked in forever and wanted to catch up.He asked a lot more about me and what I had been up to and also told me how he was liking study abroad. I kept it sort of short but he said he was very proud of me for all that i was doing, told me he'd talk with me soon, then told me I could hit him up whenever i wanted. The next day he told me he didn't make it as an RA and asked a little more about me and told me to let him know what happened with one of my classes but I never did tell him. I know he's been partying a lot over there and he really never was the type to party instead, always preferring to stay in and watch a movie or something instead so he seems sort of out of character now. I keep wondering if he really misses me and thats why he's texting, or is he simply just checking up on me and it really doesn't mean anything?
goldway90 Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 He's the dumpee what do you expect? he'll continue to reach out for different reasons but what i don't get is why do you ask if he misses you? Do you want the text to be something more?
ravfour4 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 lol wait... what? You broke up with him, he told you he loved you and wanted to get back afterwards? Then told you he loved you and asked if he could kiss you? Then texted you to see how you were when he was gone? He obviously still likes you and never stopped, you broke up with him, just say you love him back if you do.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Just leave it. There's too much back and forth. Plus, if I'm reading it correctly, you broke up with him, and when it was brought up a month later, HE agreed that it was the right decision and then YOU also agreed that it was the right decision. That sounds like everyone's on the same page to me. If you don't want to open up old wounds, don't. Nothing says that you have to be friends with him if you really don't want to anyway.
seminoles84 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 This story sounds awfully familiar. Did you already post this? 1
ZiggyZoo Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 This story sounds awfully familiar. Did you already post this? Whoa, good catch. Verbatim. Twice.
Author heather03 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 I've been broken up with my ex since late November but I still find myself thinking about him. Lately it's been better, mainly because he's studying in China now so I don't see him around, but he texted me about 2 weeks ago to catch up..then I noticed some new pictures of him on Facebook and he looks good. I find myself starting to think about him more often and I really don't want to! I guess I just need some tips on moving on and not thinking about it so much again. I have a busy schedule so I should be keeping myself busy, but I still find myself thinking about him. What have you guys done in the past to move on and not think about your ex as much?
Author heather03 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Just leave it. There's too much back and forth. Plus, if I'm reading it correctly, you broke up with him, and when it was brought up a month later, HE agreed that it was the right decision and then YOU also agreed that it was the right decision. That sounds like everyone's on the same page to me. If you don't want to open up old wounds, don't. Nothing says that you have to be friends with him if you really don't want to anyway. Thank you, I'm probably just overthinking it..(hence the multiple posts lol)
Faded264 Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 I've been broken up with my ex since late November but I still find myself thinking about him. Lately it's been better, mainly because he's studying in China now so I don't see him around, but he texted me about 2 weeks ago to catch up..then I noticed some new pictures of him on Facebook and he looks good. I find myself starting to think about him more often and I really don't want to! I guess I just need some tips on moving on and not thinking about it so much again. I have a busy schedule so I should be keeping myself busy, but I still find myself thinking about him. What have you guys done in the past to move on and not think about your ex as much? Do you know how it seems like your ex always comes sniffing back around when they think you've moved on and are happy? Do you know why that is? Because they don't want to imagine that you're happy with someone else. It eats them up inside. I've found I get really anxious about my exes and what they're doing when I think about them being happy and moved on. Not that I don't want them to be happy, but if you still have feelings for them, it feels crappy. So, to combat this feeling and to sort of move on, I try to imagine my exes as not doing much. They aren't dating, they don't really have anyone in their life. Again, not that I don't want them to be happy, but it's easier for me to think about my most recent "ex" in that way. Other than that, keep busy, make friends, have fun.
acapelo_dp Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Block him on Facebook, you don't need to see his pictures or anything new about him. I have blocked my ex on every social media site and it really helped. I still think about him everyday but I have no idea what he is doing. I stupidly unblocked him on Sunday and tried to block him again immediately and Facebook wouldn't let me for another 48 hours (lol) I honestly got anxiety that I couldn't re-block him. I avoided his FB for that 48 hours and actually felt RELIEF when I could finally block him again this morning. If he is going to text you block his number as well. You guys don't need to catch up unless he is willing to work on the relationship. I also received one text from my ex over a week ago telling me to stay away from the new guy I am hanging out with...so stupid. Anything else is just him wanting an ego boost. But yeah I would say save any pictures on a file on your computer and delete them. Delete or get rid of any memories or triggers for you. It really does help. Plus spend time with your friends and keep busy You will feel better soon I guarantee. I am still in the healing process as well but I have met some new great people and I have hope I will meet someone again. Unfortunately you can't turn off your mind thinking about him but out of sight and he will slowly become out of mind. 2
Author heather03 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Block him on Facebook, you don't need to see his pictures or anything new about him. I have blocked my ex on every social media site and it really helped. I still think about him everyday but I have no idea what he is doing. I stupidly unblocked him on Sunday and tried to block him again immediately and Facebook wouldn't let me for another 48 hours (lol) I honestly got anxiety that I couldn't re-block him. I avoided his FB for that 48 hours and actually felt RELIEF when I could finally block him again this morning. If he is going to text you block his number as well. You guys don't need to catch up unless he is willing to work on the relationship. I also received one text from my ex over a week ago telling me to stay away from the new guy I am hanging out with...so stupid. Anything else is just him wanting an ego boost. But yeah I would say save any pictures on a file on your computer and delete them. Delete or get rid of any memories or triggers for you. It really does help. Plus spend time with your friends and keep busy You will feel better soon I guarantee. I am still in the healing process as well but I have met some new great people and I have hope I will meet someone again. Unfortunately you can't turn off your mind thinking about him but out of sight and he will slowly become out of mind. Thank you I actually broke up with him because I didn't want to do long distance again while he was studying abroad, and I know he has hopes for getting back together in the future but I just don't know, I think seeing him on all social media really messes me up and makes me think too much about it so you're right, it's really best to avoid it
NC-Thomas Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Thank you I actually broke up with him because I didn't want to do long distance again while he was studying abroad, and I know he has hopes for getting back together in the future but I just don't know, I think seeing him on all social media really messes me up and makes me think too much about it so you're right, it's really best to avoid it Well, did you block him already? 1
Zapbasket Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 In performance coaching, you advise athletes and/or performing artists to overcome nerves by not fighting typical nervous symptoms. So, say you have to play a piano concerto and your hands sweat profusely whenever you're nervous. Instead of willing your hands NOT to sweat, you just let 'em sweat, telling yourself it's okay. Just that mental shift, to "it's okay" from "oh no, my hands are sweating!" mitigates the nervous symptom and gives the person a sense of confidence in the performance situation. Similarly, I'd suggest you just let yourself think of him. It's natural; he was an important part of your life and it has not been long since you've broken up. Take it as a natural part of the grieving process and don't fight it; eventually, you'll naturally think of him less, or think of him with less hurt, and meanwhile you've honored your feelings and helped yourself know and understand yourself better. Heartache and loss is the risk we take when we love. It's as much a part of love as love itself--just as nerves are as much a part of performance as the performance itself. So, it stands to reason that the more you can just allow your thoughts and feelings surrounding the loss to go through you, without judgment or suppression, then the more freely and confidently you can love in the future without so much fear of the possible pain that will accompany that love. 2
Satu Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) *he texted me about 2 weeks ago to catch up..then I noticed some new pictures of him on Facebook and he looks good. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Edited April 14, 2015 by Satu 2
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