"I hope you never tell me you're pregnant"

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

FWBs can turn into relationships, and this one has, but there is still a perception by many that if this man or woman (depending on who's perspective you are looking at) is so great as to be their ideal catch for a husband/wife then why they would not snap them up as soon as they started going out with them, instead of keeping it casual and hanging out and mostly seeing them for the sex. while also maybe seeing others (I realize fwbs are not all the same)

 

Some 25 yr old guy's are fine to have kids with their gf/wife, but I feel this day and age, less are happy to have kids at that age. Doesn't sound like he wants kids (well not with her right now anyway). I'd say the vast majority of guys don't want to have their fwb get pregnant. Who wants to have a child with your nsa partner. While the relationship has since bumped up in status now with commitment, still the vast majority of guys (and I'd say women too) don't want to be hit with the 'oops I'm pregnant' statement just a few months into a relationship.

 

Hmm well I do want kids, but I want to wait until i'm ready, and i'm not quite there yet. That being said if an accident happened, I would still be very happy and want to keep it

[pianomanwoman]

red flag alert

[lana-banana]

While it's still very early in the relationship, "never" is a big word. That's not a joke (in this context; if it were, she wouldn't be here posting about it), it's a potential dealbreaker. I think OP is right to take this seriously. I would sit down with him and ask what exactly "never" means.

[Buddhist]

Catalogue the thought, but let it be. If over time he consistently makes similar remarks then you have cause to move on. For now, it's a joke, take it as one but store the comment as potentially useful information too. Personally I think it's too soon to be having that conversation, officialdom only just happened. I appreciate you've got more of a timeline than he does but I wouldn't be talking longterm plans with someone who's barely my boyfriend. Men need time to settle into big scary decisions, he's 25, which means he's probably were you were at emotionally at 21. Think about that for a minute.

 

It was a stupid comment and while I agree it was probably his subconscious blurting out without a filter. That subconscious thought may not be as dividing as you think or an immutable as you fear. It's up to you but definately put a deadline on some kind of seriousness happening in this relationship though. Afterall you are looking for a future father, not another roll in the hay.

Edited April 15, 2015 by Buddhist

[lucy_in_disguise]

Thank you everyone for the replies.

 

I agree as one posted mentioned that there are 2 issues here - the fact that we may not be anywhere near the same page about the future, and the fact that (for personal reasons) I am sensitive to these types of jokes and dont find them at all funny.

 

Regarding long term compatibility, I agree its too soon to delve into a detailed discussion. I have already confirmed he wants kids at some point. Given weve been together under a month I dont think its appropriate to discuss a more specific timeline at this point yet. But given my age I do understand its somehing that we will need to discuss at some point.

 

Re: the joke rubbing me the wrong way, if it happens again, I make take the opportunity to open up about why I am perhaps overly sensitive, and ask him to avoid making light of the topic in the future.

[lucy_in_disguise]

I wanted to add that even tho I am 29 and entering the ticking clock years, fortunately for my boyfriend I dont feel a lot of internal motivation to have kids any time soon.

 

I am aware (thanks to constant reminders from friends, family, and strangers) that its something I need to figure out, but in an ideal world, I could postpone he decision for another 10 years while continuing to enjoy my freedom.

 

In other words, I dont feel like I am ready to have kids right now, and in that sense, we are on the same page.

 

Also, these days there are more options for women to delay those decisions, which I am interested in exploring. Luckily for me, my insurance actually covers gg freezing, something I am planning to take advantage of in the near future. Embryo freezing is another (cheaper and more time-tested) option that I can see myself being open to in the context of a more serious relationship where we'd like to continue to wait.

 

Moreover, I am fairly comfortable with the idea of being a single mother by choice later on, if finding the right person doesnt work out for me by a certain age for whatever reason. The biggest downside would be that I would be denying any potential children a father, which I would never take lightly. However, emotionally and financially, I am very open to this scenario. In many ways I find it more appealing than starting a family with someone I have "settled" for out of pressure to start having kids.

 

With these options in mind and given that I dont actually WANT kids anytime soon, Im not in a huge rush to get my bf to commit to a timeline. I would prefer the relationship to develop more organically, tho I do understand its something that needs to be discussed at some point.

Edited April 15, 2015 by lucy_in_disguise

[stillafool]

Why would a "25 year old man" want kids with an "ex FWB just turned GF for a month"?

 

He's only 24. Way too young to be thinking about having kids.