Pikesburgh Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 I made a post a couple days ago about how my gf lost feelings for me the past 2 weeks and broke up with me. People had said it was most likely a rebound since she had ended her 3 1/2 year relationship with her abusive ex 6 months ago, but I'm starting to think it really WAS real and that I screwed up. We were together 2 months but had everything in common and connected deeply. (We're both 21, almost 22) 2 Saturdays ago she picked me up to take me to her uncles where she was babysitting her uncles puppy. I acted cold and when she asked what was wrong I said "nothing". When we got there I pretty much ignored her and played on my phone. When she sat on the couch I went to the other couch. I told her I wanted to go home then changed my mind. The next day was Sunday. We went to my house for Easter but I didn't go with her to her families house for theirs. She even texted me saying she could pick me up if I had changed my mind. I told her I felt sick. I ignored her all of Monday, and then Tuesday I finally responded and when she asked about how the psychiatrist went I basically said it was useless bulls***. Friday she broke up with me because she had lost feelings. Did I really screw things up with the girl of my dreams?
hunk Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Why were you acting cold etc towards her? There must have been a reason for you to treat her like that. It doesn't really matter anyway. 2 months is not long enough to be together to justify you behaving in this way - you guys are still feeling eachother out. I'd be pretty put off a girl doing this to me 2 months in aswell, imagine what would be going on 2 years down the line. Anyway I doubt it was just this behavior that caused her to suddenly decide to end things. You don't just lose feelings for someone after a few days of this crap (although, the duration of your relationship means any feelings are very infantile and developing in the grand scheme of things). You behaving like this was probably just the reaffirming point to a decision she was coming to/would've come to anyway. As long as you apologized for being a dick there's nothing else you can do. She's probably gone back to her ex if i'm gonna be completely honest 1
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Your behavior didn't help but she was still rebounding. You could have been the perfect BF & the result would have been the same. Good news: even though she was the "girl of your dreams" there are plenty of other women out there & if you found her you will find the next one. 1
ZiggyZoo Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Honestly, the way your relationship developed was very unnatural, and also not healthy. And yes, very typical of a classic rebound. I know you don't want to think about or admit that it may even have been a rebound, but please seriously listen to what we're saying. There are dynamics present in rebounds that are at play here, and which are having a direct effect on how all this had played out, Plus the fact that she was recovering from an abusive relationship means that her needs and outlooks on ANY future relationships are now skewed as a result of that experience. I honestly don't think your ex is capable right now of committing to any relationship, since she hasn't started to work through the damage done by her last one. So having said all that, perhaps you can see how it really wouldn't have mattered how you were behaving, your relationship was almost doomed from the start. I hate to be so harsh, but if neither of you could see the enormous red flags popping up, then you both need to step back and look at what just happened. Research rebound relationships, and why they're not such a good idea, and what are the typical signs of one. Same for dating someone recently out of an abusive relationship. Both these situations are complex as hell, and if not approached properly will blow up in your face. But honestly, why WERE you acting so cold? The biggest ally you have in all this is your own gut. Was it telling you that the situation wasn't right perhaps? I know you're feeling terrible right now, but a lot of that is just the panicky feeling you get when you are newly broken up. It'll pass, and you will be able to look at the relationship and see that it wasn't meant to be. 2
Author Pikesburgh Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 I was acting cold because I was trying to figure out how I would tell her how I felt about her. I didn't realize how I acted until I looked back. I do think with based off of what you guys have said that it's a rebound relationship. It's just tough to get past how real it felt for one, for two the fact that she has and does all the things I need in a relationship (I'm extremely picky, don't like smokers, partiers, so many tiny details that she has in common, which ends up leaving her as the only person who really understands me) and three, which confuses me the most, is she still finds me attractive physically, mentally, and that I treated her better than anyone, yet somehow the feelings aren't there. It's extremely likely it's a reboujd relationship like everyone has stated. But I can't help but feel like I hurt her trust and neglected her, which is just what her abusive ex did.
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