HollowSea Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) My girlfriend broke up with me just recently because she felt like she wasn't herself anymore, was confused about how she felt about me, her grades were slipping (she missed 5 assignments in a row), and because she was going through depression (It got to the point where her apartment was so trashed and she wouldnt do anything about it for months). She also mentioned that she was so caught up in me that she felt like she couldn't live without me, and therefore needed to find her own individual happiness. I know that a lot of these are signs that she's found someone else, but like I said she felt she was obsessed with me this got to the point of her begging me to be with her at her apartment anytime she wasn't at work or college, and generally put a huge strain on the relationship. I personally think we were just moving way to fast for our age, I'm 20 and she's 18. I was practically living at her apartment by the third month of our six month relationship. This of course caused even more issues as we were fighting a lot about anything and everything. I felt like I turned into a very angry person. I couldn't see that my words would hurt her after a while and generally turned into someone I'm not proud of. I know this post is all over the place, but so are my thoughts. Please bare with me. She also had a miscarriage with a guy at 16 who would make it a constant thing of making fun of the fact that their baby had died. On top of that so many people in her family had died this past year, about 4 or 5. I never really felt like she fully mourned these traumatic things in her life, and I happened to come by and make her happy after months of crying herself to sleep. The thing is, (and I realize as I'm typing this) that the pressure of being the only person she could lean on and her world was tearing us apart. I said some things I shouldn't have that I really regret over the last few weeks of our relationship, I was angry that her sex drive had dissipated, I could not see that she was going through depression. I am trying to be a better person and trying to get a better grip on my emotions as of now, but I find it so hard going no contact with her. I know there's nothing I can do but move on, but I love her, I wish that she could love herself and my heart goes out to her. It's very hard for me. Edit: I am also in the process of getting disability (Im a hemophiliac), and my lawyer advised against me working. I feel like this put a huge amount of stress on her. I felt and still feel totally helpless about the situation I've been with this case since I was in highschool and really just want to get a job and finally be able to go to real estate school and work my way up so I can be financially stable for my future family. In essence I'm broke and unhappy, and by the time I startes feeling inferior about this whole deal I stopped exercising regularly as I had gotten to comfortable with my relationship. I wanted to take her out weekly but life set in, I could feel her unhappiness with the whole situation even though she'd never say so. She says she wants to be with me once we both have sorted everything out, but I think I messed up by trying to fight for her early break up instead of giving us the time we so desperately needed for ourselves. I will say out of all the issues we had we were extremely loving to each other. I think this is a classic case of life getting in the way and the wrong time, but I'd really like some other people's insight. Edited April 14, 2015 by HollowSea More things I needed to say.
Kbomb Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Hahaha! U sound almost as screwed up as me! 10 days - early stages - its rough. My advice - go 30 days No contact. and stick to it. This will help you get stronger and have time to think and time apart also gives her time to reflect. After 30 days - take it from there. I am not the best person to give advice but Im just trying to help because at 10 days I was losing it! And the 30 days No Contact and a few valiums really helped me to control myself a lot more!
Author HollowSea Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 You really think I should contact her? She broke up with me and I've already come off as needy by trying to fight for her. Long story short, I sent a letter. I know I messed up with that but I felt like I needed to move forward for right now and it'd be cathartic. She hasn't replied back of course and I'm not really torn up about it, I honestly feel like she needs to realize I can't be the center of her world, she has to find that out right now. I feel like she's my soulmate, but I'm sure these are my 20 year old wild break up emotions talking right now. I want to at least establish myself with college and real estate and go to therapy and get a better understanding of people and my emotions as a whole on top of losing about 50 lbs before I myself contact her. 1
Author HollowSea Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 I'm slowly starting to believe I was a rebound. She broke up with the guy she miscarried with six months before I met her and they were dating for two years. During that time she rebounded with a co worker before me too. Maybe I was used for her happiness? It honestly does seem like she loved me with all her heart, she just didn't love herself. Which I know is contradictory but I'm still really green on these relationships. Maybe the reason she coddled me so much was because she miscarried and just didn't want to be alone? It seemed like love she did almost anything for me. I don't think she was ever truly herself when she was with me and that's a shame....
hunk Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 Your instinct is usually right man, go with it here. No reason not to. All that matters is that she essentially tossed away the one person that should've been a source of comfort and stability for her during this seemingly tumultuous year she's had. This means in no uncertain terms she was finished with your relationship. If she was still in love with you she wouldn't have ended things. It sound so generic and simple, but it's the absolute truth. Whether she lost attraction, lost feelings, realized that she was still in love with her ex, it doesn't actually matter. All that matters is she pulled the plug. It's not your business anymore, your business is removing yourself COMPLETELY 100% from her life and concentrating on yourself. As much as you think you played a part in the relationship ending, you really didn't. Something is going on with her you're in the dark about. But as I said, it's none of your business or concern now. What did your letter say? Also I don't agree with contacting her after 30 days. You need to detach from any time frames here and just accept it as over, which means NEVER contacting her again. If there is to be any contact it has to come from her. This is your best bet in terms of moving on and for her coming back to you.
Author HollowSea Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Thanks I agree. From now on I'm going to bust my ass to do a complete 180 and be as successful in life as possible. My letter was written with my emotions all out of whack. I basically told her I was sorry for not being supportive enough, and not listening to her cries for help and essentially forgetting to love her. I told her never to settle and that I hoped we could be together again when we resolved these big roadblocks in our lives because I think we're good for each other. But on that note, like I said I'm only 20 and she's only 18 we don't know what we want and I have a lot of learning to do when it comes to this stuff. I might not even feel this way in a year and honestly that's what scares me, deep down I feel like she NEEDS my help, but I know that's wrong the only person who can resolve her issues is herself. Finally getting a dose of the hard facts of life here and it hurts.
Author HollowSea Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Ugh I hate this. All I can think about is how amazing her body was and how big her boobs were (H cup). She had this awesome hourglass figure and she was 150 lbs. My perfect dream girl. She was always so loving and caring too. I really miss the affection. I'm struggling hard today everyone.
NC-Thomas Posted April 14, 2015 Posted April 14, 2015 (edited) Ugh I hate this. All I can think about is how amazing her body was and how big her boobs were (H cup). She had this awesome hourglass figure and she was 150 lbs. My perfect dream girl. She was always so loving and caring too. I really miss the affection. I'm struggling hard today everyone. Is that your dlck talking ? I guess hormones are taking over, been where you have been. Physical intimacy becomes normal after a while, and yes, we also lose that part. Just remember that the things you are missing are not unique, many woman are capable of caring, loving and looking good. But once you become older, you learn that boobs are generally less important that personality. Unless she has cup-H ofcourse... Edited April 14, 2015 by NC-Thomas
Author HollowSea Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 Yeesh probably. I'm going to miss her body and her boobs because I know their aren't many girls with her figure. Fit with way above average boobs. It sucks. I also forgot to mention that at the beginning she told me she wanted a break, and then flip flopped and told me to move on, and then said she needed a break again and that she wanted to be back together with me. She cried the whole time. A few days later we met up and I didn't want to leave things ambiguous so I told her to make up her mind about me. She didn't and I broke it off officially. She cried even more here. I also broke contact today out of weakness. She told me that I was obsessed with her and making her uncomfortable. What a slap in the face. She's clingy the whole relationship and always getting mad over the fact I wanted to come home sometimes and spend time with my family and then has the nerve to call me obsessed and clingy? What a ****. I'm glad I'm done with her deep down now. But that hurts. I'm not going to say anything else as much as I'd like to.
Author HollowSea Posted April 14, 2015 Author Posted April 14, 2015 I went back on my word. I told her to go **** herself and that I couldn't believe she had the audacity to say I was obsessed and clingy when that's all she'd ever been in our relationship. I told her to stop rebounding off of guys over her ex who told her he was happy their baby was dead constantly and actually figure her **** out instead of leading guys into her crappy life. In hindsight the rebound relationship signs were there from the start. She even kept a stuffed animal he gave her! I was such a fool. I know you guys say that you should do no contact no matter what but this felt really good to tell her off. I'm finally getting my closure and a lot of weight is off of my shoulders. No more hoping she'd change her mind. I'm gonna be fine. I'm at the gym so talk to you guys when I've improved myself!
Recommended Posts